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#38646 - 05/01/01 03:42 AM Trying to understand the abuser
Anonymous
Unregistered


Hey everyone,

I have just started reading articles that address the abusers and why they do stuff like that.

I see the man who abused me as a vicious monster. I have so much anger and hate inside me towards him. This hate and anger are making me unable to focus on my recovery process. My counselor told me that the abuser was probably abused himself. I started wondering what childhood the abuser had that shaped him and made him as such. Donít misunderstand; I believe he committed a crime regardless of what the reasons were.

Anyway, I decided to read articles that talk about abusers and the things that make them sexually abuse children. By understanding the abusers side of the story, I am hoping that I will calm down and be able to deal with my anger and hate.

I though of sharing this with you guys. I wish you all the best.


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#38647 - 05/01/01 05:36 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Harry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/09/01
Posts: 117
Loc: California
These people might have been abused, but that does not relieve the suffering they cause in any way. I think people who have any inclination to act on their attractions, or whatever it is that drives them to do what they do, should seriously evaluate the consequences of what they are considering doing. Think about this, potential abusers who have been abused: Either you can act or not act on your inclinations to abuse. If you do not act, you will still be in pain. Pain from being abused and pain from feeling an inclination to abuse others. But that still equals 1 person that is in pain. Just 1. If you choose to act on your inclinations to abuse, you will not loose your pain from being abused yourself, nor will you loose the pain from feeling that drive to abuse others. However, you have now acted, so we can add on some more pain. Physical, emotional, mental, psychological, and any other type of pain is now being suffered by the person you abuse. Now you have pain, and the person you abuse has pain. That's 2 people. When you don't act it's only 1 person that is in misery, and that's better than 2. Especially sinse there is a chance that you have just started a chain of abuse in the person you abused. He could go on and abuse now just like you did. It could go on and on. So it could be 2, but it could be 3,4,5,6,7... people that are all going to suffer a painful life just because you couldn't deal with yours. If you have the slightest bit of human decency in you (and I believe everyone has a little bit), then think about the numbers before you do anything. 1 is less than 2. And less is better when we're talking about pain.
If you can't deal with your pain without spreading it to others, then by all means, find a tall building to jump off of. Because there is too much damn pain here already. Way too much.

_________________________
In the name of the Anger, and of the Sadness, and of the Unholy Fear. Amen.

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#38648 - 05/01/01 05:54 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Anonymous
Unregistered


OMG. I don't know why you are talking to me as if I am an abuser. I am not an abuser, never been and never had the inclination to abuse anyone. I am a victim like everyone else here. I just thought of something that might help and posted it. I hate it that I even tried to participate in this forum. Why are you attacking me? what did I do?

God, no safe place to run to. Maybe jumping from a tall building is not bad idea. It will end all my suffering.


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#38649 - 05/01/01 07:43 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Anonymous
Unregistered


I'm sorry about my previous message. I misunderstood Harry's message and thought he was addressing me for my curiosity about what motivates the abuser. I see now that he was addressing abusers. My apologies, Harry.


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#38650 - 05/01/01 11:50 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
michael Joseph Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/11/01
Posts: 2719
Loc: Virginia
Do not jump from a tall Building.

Get out the hate in safe ways, Hitting a pillow or stack of pillows w/ a racket works for me, taking old branches and breaking them on trunks of trees, trowing a ball at a target, ect. things that will not huurt yourself or others. there are a lot of feelings that will come out, let them out.
Feeling is a part of life. I have problems feeling.

_________________________
Standing together is so much better than hiding in the dark.
***I am a three time WoR Retreat Alumni***
The Round Table, Men's CSA Group, Monday 7:30pm CST, MaleSurvivor Chat

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#38651 - 05/01/01 12:32 PM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Harry Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/09/01
Posts: 117
Loc: California
Crown 44, I am so sorry that you took my message as an attack on you. I didn't mean it that way at all. I never thought for a second that you were an abuser. I was just rambling about what I thought I might say to an abuser if I met one. Please take no offense. No attack was meant on you or anyone here. This forum is a great place. I'm glad you realized that I was not attacking anyone here.
I am also curious about what motivates the abuser. There's nothing wrong with that. I share your curiosity, I was just more angry about it because I was pissed off at the time I wrote that.

[This message has been edited by Harry (edited 05-01-2001).]

_________________________
In the name of the Anger, and of the Sadness, and of the Unholy Fear. Amen.

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#38652 - 05/02/01 01:04 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
I am also curious how abusers come to their act. Would you like to share the results of your research with me?


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#38653 - 05/02/01 10:07 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
thunderbolt Offline
Member

Registered: 04/21/01
Posts: 119
Loc: mi
who really gives a shit why these wicked monsters think,while or before,their crime. its said that these minds are so sick that they should just go throw themselves in a lake with a rope tied around their throats to harm any of gods little ones. so the place for them exits,im thinking that for some unapparent reason we are here to testify to the strength and courage of a soulless corpse, that travels its existence for exhibit to the rest, that there is a reason we still can draw air. as soon as i finish numbering and labeling my emotions and putting them in the right spots, the hope is that god well except my rendition and take me from this apocalypse to give me the peace I so dierly shurch for. as for now i well spend my meeger existence spueing the saintliest knowledge or understanding i have been left with.


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#38654 - 05/02/01 06:15 PM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
Executioner1832 Offline
Member

Registered: 04/03/01
Posts: 15
Loc: Big Wells, Texas, United State...
imho... who cares why they do it... they are sick bastards who cant get off any other way and get tired os using the old hand. they cant handle adults so in their sick minds they do kids. why try to understand them? i say kill them all... slowly... painfully. keep alive for months... all abuser are are perverts who dont deserve to live in the first place. i was also abused... never have i wanted to abuse another... i know what it feels like... wish this pain on no one else. my only wish is that the abusers get theirs in the end. all of them... sick bastards...


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#38655 - 05/04/01 05:51 AM Re: Trying to understand the abuser
manchild Offline
Member

Registered: 11/22/00
Posts: 35
Loc: netherlands
I am trying to understand the why of sexual abuse. Of course i need much more in life. But I want to know what goes on in the minds of those who hurted us. I think i have a right to know why it happened.
Also I think society owes it to its children to look for ways to prevent sexual abuse. Researching why is an important tool to prevent.
How far is society nowadays in researching? What do we know?


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