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#386333 - 02/19/12 01:42 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: alone]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1126
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 09:26 PM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

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#386337 - 02/19/12 01:58 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: lapchinj]
onlyakid Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/31/04
Posts: 1536
Loc: New Jersey
I think what Anthony39 is saying is that we certainly arent qualified to help him. Yes, we can be supportive but ultimately he needs a professional to help him. I applaud him for coming forward. If we turn our back on people because they have attractions that are a problem then we increase the likelyhood that they will act on them.

_________________________
"Being with people that understand you...Priceless"

"and i don't want the world to see me, cause i don't think that they'd understand"

"You don't know what love is...you just do as your told"

"My life has changed. What you take as a simple thing, is not so simple for me anymore"


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#386375 - 02/19/12 09:57 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: onlyakid]
DarkHadou Offline


Registered: 10/13/10
Posts: 117
After looking at these responds I find it strange that nobody responded like this when someone from this site posted a link on the forums that had pornography and child pornography images on them. It took over two days in order for the link to be removed, but nobody responded like this on that thread.


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#386376 - 02/19/12 09:58 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: onlyakid]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Alone,
It's exactly what I meant. This place is for support, not a substitute for therapy. I do believe that some topics are innapropriate . especially for survivors who are new here and may not feel comfortable with the issues disclosed here. personally , I see the big picture , I don't get triggered that easily, but it is disturbing. That being said , I am not for censorship, although it has been happening more frequently lately and for milder topics.
it is beyond our scope on so many levels, this one is best left to professionals. I fail to see any positive discussion other than encouraging to seek professional therapy.

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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#386380 - 02/19/12 10:03 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: alone]
Mikey7752 Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 15
Loc: PA
DH,

I strongly agree with Alone. This is the forum!!!!!
Remember, thoughts are Not actions.I applaud you for sharing your secret..we ALL have them.
Keep talking and keep asking questions.
And most importantly, keep coming back to this site for support and encouragement.


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#386382 - 02/19/12 10:04 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: onlyakid]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1126
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 09:27 PM)
_________________________
Depression Feels Like Home, and Happiness is Just a Place You Visit

It will get better....

Top
#386385 - 02/19/12 10:12 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Mikey7752]
Mikey7752 Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 15
Loc: PA
For the record:

I have had thoughts about young females at different times along the path to recovery. This is not unusual.At least I didn't think so at the time. I have NEVER acted on these thoughts.
I do believe that in order to heal, professional therapy is mandatory, it was for me. All survivors have Triggers period.If we can't speak about this openly, what good is this site?
DH, thank you for being courageous!! You allowed me to speak to about a subject that I have never talked about before.


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#386389 - 02/19/12 10:25 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Anthony39]
Mikey7752 Offline


Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 15
Loc: PA
Anthony39

You stated that some topics are inappropriate. Is there anything inappropriate about sexual abuse? This site is all about the inappropriate behavior we sufferred as children. How could our thoughts be appropriate after horrendous abuse and in some cases torture.
I am 57 years old and the victim of Mother-Son incest. The first half of my life was inappropriate! I have three beautiful children and 4 grandchildren. I did not repeat the abuse!I did spend 15 years in therapy learning how to be appropriate.
So unless You are all without emotional and physical scars, just support DH and cease the judgemental commets.
Only PERPS are not allowed into this safe arena.


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#386391 - 02/19/12 10:32 AM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Mikey7752]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5773
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
DH and others:
Thoughts are not acts but could lead to them if inhibitions break down. A person may admire a particular car or painting. Even thinking about how they would enjoy it if they owned it. But it is a long way from admiration to stealing.

The dynamics of being sexually turned on at a particular age via abuse is often a way that somebody gets fixated for a particular age range or (though heterosexual in orientation), may be attracted to penises).

Most people without premature sexual experiences get aroused to males or females around the time of puberty. When a boy who is heterosexually oriented gets turned on with sexual thoughts and feelings and discovers masturbation, what do they masturbate to? Usually, girls of 13 or 14 who are classmates or those "much older" women like 19 to 24 in Playboy magazines (at least in my case pre-pornography). We reinforce the thoughts and feelings of those young girls through pleasurable masturbation.

The dynamic of abuse which might disrupt a boy's development socially (he becomes shy, feeling different from his peers) and misses out social experiences and perhaps in HD's case, becomes older and older with the social immaturity below his numerical age.

The At Risk forum which his private, by request and invitation only, is a place where members can discuss thoughts and feelings that might be shocking or offensive to others. If a person is not comfortable about sharing thoughts of inappropriate activities or attractions (and there are people who are offended by admissions of those thoughts around here), they should consider the At Risk forum.

All it takes is having a paid membership in MS and a pm to me requesting admission. I will ask you basically what issues you are dealing with to be sure that the forum is the right place to be.

And, HD, I agree with those saying you should be dealing with this with your therapist who can hopefully help you with developing the skills to be more comfortable with age-appropriate potential partners.


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#386410 - 02/19/12 12:54 PM Re: I'm attracted to preteens [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
Anthony39 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/15/07
Posts: 345
Loc: Montreal, Canada
Mickey, there is no judgmental comments, just my opinion. Scars! I have enough thank you. I am a supportive member, always have been. Maybe this is difficult for me since I never had attraction to children. You might be in a better position to understand.
I have been involved in prostitution iin my youth but I don't share it in the forums, just a few select people in pms.
Regards,
Anthony

_________________________
Look up and not down; look forward and not back; look out and not in; and lend a hand.
E. E. Hale


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eM213aMKTHg

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