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#386180 - 02/17/12 01:46 PM How?
Heise Offline

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 10
How do you deal with living again under the same roof of somebody who did all those horrible things? How does one keep control? How not let it affect you or at least show?

#386181 - 02/17/12 01:57 PM Re: How? [Re: Heise]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2591
I have utterly no advice for you... I can not even begin to imagine being in that situation.

Is there no where you can go?

I know there was one fellow here who lived in the UK who was still at home and had to deal with that, I really don't know how he managed it.

I'm sure someone can give you some direction on this one, as I really don't think I could do it at this point in my life!

#386186 - 02/17/12 04:57 PM Re: How? [Re: Heise]
Older1 Offline

Registered: 12/19/11
Posts: 63
Hello Hise: You said that you are "living again under the same roof of somebody who did all those horrible things".
I am sorry you are in that position. So much depends upon your available resources, friends, local community services, churches, health-care, places you can go to, and even whether those around you can better accommodate you. I am hoping you will be able to identify some options to relieve your immediate stress.

#386392 - 02/19/12 10:35 AM Re: How? [Re: Older1]
SamV Offline

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5954
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
Being under the same roof as the perpetrator is immensely difficult, Heise, I am immediately saddened by your situation and very proud of your courage.

First, know that this is a temporary situation. You are NOT moving in to continue the abuse. You will never allow that to happen to you again, I feel that conviction in your post!

Second, concentrate on your goals; work, money, apartment. Make sure you track these, meet them and reward yourself.

Third, come to MaleSurvivor and really express yourself, share your experiences and be safe with your fellow survivors.

These are suggestions, let us know which may work and which do work.


MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

#386414 - 02/19/12 01:16 PM Re: How? [Re: SamV]
whome Offline

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa

I cant begin to imagine what you are going through.. It must be the hardest thing. when I was 19 I thought I was a man, but I tell you that my perp could still control me. He could still have his way with me.

I would seriously try and make alternate arrangements. It is a sad fact that the perpetrators still have a hold on us for a long time. If this is your CSA perp that you are living with, PLEASE TRY and find an alternative.

Sorry to be so alarmist, but for your healing I feel that this is a major setback. Please try and arrange an alternative.

Heal well

Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

#386704 - 02/21/12 03:14 PM Re: How? [Re: whome]
Heise Offline

Registered: 02/16/12
Posts: 10
Thank you all for answering, I'm trying my best

#386709 - 02/21/12 03:24 PM Re: How? [Re: Heise]
MetTY Offline

Registered: 02/19/12
Posts: 12
hi heise... if i may share with you...

this is difficult for me, but i hope it helps idk...

the perps are 2 male cousins of mine... and it happened wen i was around 10-11... my parents found out about it the abuse when i was having a mental breakdown/psychosis, around wen i was 21... the perps still go in and out of my parents house... my parents welcome and invite them... have never talked to them about it... have never defended me or talked to me about it after i told them breaking down in tears and all other nasty bodily fluids...

they even expect me to get along with them... that is why, this march i have a chance to go home while im changing duty stations (im active army), i will not go home... idk how else to deal with it yet, but im not comfortable speaking with my parents or them so i will take my time... but for now

i have no clue if this helps u or not... but if u want to share anything im here for you and here to listen, just pm me or anything like that...

idk what you gone thru, but im sure you have suffered... pls i hope u heal
thanks for reading

#386769 - 02/21/12 11:05 PM Re: How? [Re: MetTY]
Jim1104 Offline

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
You are a great man Heise. You deserve nothing but respect. Allow your family to give you nothing less than that.


#386909 - 02/23/12 09:08 AM Re: How? [Re: Jim1104]
mike13 Offline

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Heise please remember that this is only a setback. Stay strong and look for options that will allow you to move out. Visit chat and the boards everyday. This will help you to stay strong. Mike

#387283 - 02/25/12 10:42 PM Re: How? [Re: mike13]
little big man Offline

Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 122
Loc: nevada
before preschool i was abused many times and those people were my parents. I lived in thier houses grew up. I m still a frightened little boy with ptsd

There is the Thinker and with meditation, the one who watches the Thinker. Get to know the one who watches the thinking. The mind is inherantly pure, we can always go there. An empty mind is a ready mind, it is ready for anything.


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