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#386051 - 02/16/12 01:48 PM Re: Survivor question [Re: GoodHope]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
"As we continued talking (and this next part is what I'm looking for clarity on) she told me that she would totally understand if I did actually go out and have an affair... she wouldn't like it, but she would understand..."

Of course I don't know what else your wife said/thought on this and don't know her underlying thoughts but I think I can understand what she means.
My husband has acted out, he's stopped (that's what he says) and it was awful at first. But once I learned what was behind it all, I could understand why he did what he did.
I told him that if he ever feels the wish to act out again I'd appreciate it he would talk about it but that I can understand if he would act out again I won't like it either, but I can see how abuse totally messed up your brain, your actions, even your will.


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#386082 - 02/16/12 05:01 PM Re: Survivor question [Re: Shawushka]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: Shawushka
But once I learned what was behind it all, I could understand why he did what he did.


On strictly an intellectual level, I understand it, but my heart and my self-esteem never will. frown

I have to believe your wife (Scott) was merely expressing an understanding of the effects of your trauma. Or, perhaps she was so hurt by your use of porn (to me, porn is infidelity), that she made this comment sarcastically, out of anger and hurt???

Regardless, no one can never be healed by behaving in ways beneath one's personal dignity.

herowannabe

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#386085 - 02/16/12 05:37 PM Re: Survivor question [Re: herowannabe]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
That's why I am here... I know why he acted out and due to the discovery we are both becoming healthier. So there is a silver lining. As far as acting out in the future I don't think I can handle that.

I know it's a struggle for him most days but I have total faith in the strength of his spirit. I am amazed and in complete awe of what he has accomplished in the last year.

Regardless it's a real possiblity that I live with every day.



Edited by Gretta (02/16/12 05:37 PM)

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#386087 - 02/16/12 06:01 PM Re: Survivor question [Re: Gretta]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2574
It wasn't sarcasm or anger. My wife is the queen of sarcasm, I would have picked up on that :-)

She feels that porn is the same as cheating too. So it's a hard fight at times. I hope one day to heal enough to be free of these struggles.


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#386097 - 02/16/12 07:27 PM Re: Survivor question [Re: JustScott]
Dar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 170
Loc: Missouri
I hope one day to heal enough to be free of these struggles.

And you will Scott.

_________________________
All I ever wanted was a hug.

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#386102 - 02/16/12 07:47 PM Re: Survivor question [Re: Dar]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
(((Scott)))

(((Scott's wife)))

Everyone hurts... All because of some sick, twisted, selfish pig of a human being. frown

Scott- I already love your wife. Sarcasm is my LIFE! wink


herowannabe

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#386124 - 02/16/12 09:45 PM Re: Survivor question [Re: herowannabe]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
I'm expecting a relapse. I just am.

I see Just Scott's wife's perspective of porn as cheating--from a>
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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