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#386066 - 02/16/12 03:21 PM Insult to Adult Survivors
LN3(SS) Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/20/08
Posts: 486
Loc: MD
I was surfing around on the net and I found something called the "10 Daily Affirmations for Male Survivors". I thought it might be a good thing to look at and possibly copy for my own look.

As I got to looking at it I noticed number seven stated:
Quote:
7.I commit to connecting to the boy inside me today so we can play, laugh and experience joy together, even if just for a minute or two.

I feel slapped in the face by this. I am a male survivor of trauma. I don't need to "connect to the boy inside me". I had a great childhood and great memories of the same. When are people going to realize that adult men can be traumatized too?

I guess I am looking to see if my feelings are valid or not. Does anyone else get pissed when they get hounded about the "inner child" crap?

Brian

_________________________
"When we go into battle, I will be the first to set foot on the field, and I will be the last to step off, and I will leave no one behind. Dead, or alive, we will all come home together." LTG Hal Moore, Jr., USA (Ret.)

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#386071 - 02/16/12 04:04 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Hey Brian,
The other day l was walking down the lava roads here on The Big Island Hawaii in the ultra-remote off grid community l live carrying a five gallon bucket A friend and his wife drove into view and when they stopped to offer me a ride l put my bucket in the truck bed and hopped in the cab next to Jenny.
Dan looked at me and said, "When l first saw you up the road l thought you were walking with a small child holding his hand."
Without a thought l told him, "l was...it was me walking with my inner child just the two of us enjoying the wonderfilled day."
We laughed but l was sincerely being truthful.

I too had a great childhood and after the ASA at 19 years old l lost all my inner core and spirit. For over three decades l was empty.
I moved to Hawaii last summer and this place has really healed me and just this past two months a lot of the trauma has disapated or become easier to overcome.
I guess l am just trying to say that l didn't know l had an inner child who needed me.
Hang on, heal and be patient...l began this journey for survivorship in July 2007, (disclosure date), and now almost five years later l am just now starting to feel the rewards of triumph.
Doug

_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#386072 - 02/16/12 04:11 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
I now live on a retreat...in one of the artists cottages here in Hawaii




Edited by men_of_hrts.dbw (02/17/12 09:50 AM)
_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
E Clampus Vitus
"What Say the Brethren"
"Hang the Bastards"

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#386086 - 02/16/12 05:58 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
earlybird Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/10
Posts: 1007
Loc: WA USA
Hello Brian you are not alone with struggling with this terminology. I’d not really heard it before, till I attended a WOR conference and by the end felt battered by the concept. I was completely out of step with others there and by the end found myself both disappointed and resentful because the concept was presented as the center piece to recovery. Sense as far as I knew I was the only ASA and there was no attempt to connect to that part of me I felt as if I’d been seated alone at the table outside in the cold elements.

Like you, my childhood was really wonderful and that kid in me is just fine. It was the adult that got crushed and has struggled to find himself. It’s not that I mind the inner child concept it is that I’m bothered by the lack of us having a concept to hang our hopes upon. ASA things are rarely mentioned in any formal way and when we fight to be heard in the hopes of bringing about change we are told to not post. I don’t even think the ones who should wonder why many of us (ASA’s) have grown quiet and cringe when we hear “you need to find your inner child”. Sigh.

Whoa Doug - beautiful. I bet this retreat inwhich you live slows the pulse and quickens the spirit.

_________________________
Balanced (My goal)

There is symmetry
In self-reflection
Life exemplified
Grace personified

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#386112 - 02/16/12 08:30 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: earlybird]
Treehugger75 Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Ontario Canada
I didnt really look that deep into any single tenant. I'm sure given the young age of my abuse and my seemingly happy healthy outer self I looked like what most people would consider "their inner child", all my memories begin when I started school, before all that there is disturbing still photos. i get more of them lately. My impression of the "inner child" analogy is a giving up of all control for even just a moment and being at peace with your place in the world. Its hard some of us didnt even get 9 months before that feeling changed.I had to dig down deep. SA is SA I dont care if you're 100 or 1. Its about power. NOT the sex. sure sex is a big part of it but it isn't dominant. Regardless of perp/victim etimology the perp ALWAYS walk away with the victims hope how much hope they have left and how much they had before don't matter its ALL gone now. I for one think I needed to take my hope back from he/she/what/when/how/why and to do that I just took back control. Of two lives this time. My past and my present. whatever shape that demon takes as i grab hold and drag it kicking and screaming into the light not looking back.... even if it is my "inner child". I took it. not MY PAST.

if the still frames ever make a flip book i'll send ya a copy smile
STANDING OVATION FOR LN3(SS) REQ"D

_________________________
I will never ALWAYS be right, I wasn't wrong, I am whats left.

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#386120 - 02/16/12 09:23 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: Treehugger75]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 165
I agree. I was a man when I was traumatized. Not to be rude, but the world understands the wounds of a little boy or girl and doesnt know what to do with a wounded man.

_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

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#386163 - 02/17/12 08:55 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: Tyr]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
My new T doesn't use the "inner child" analogy - he says I need to reconnect with my body. Interesting concept. Whether as a child or adult, his perceptions is that the break is between spirit and soul - between mind and body. Of course, I'm just starting with him so it will be interesting to see how this plays out.

_________________________
the story
    https://1in6.org/men/bristlecone/mark-krueger/

Kirkridge - October 2008
Alta - September 2012
Alta - September 2013

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#386174 - 02/17/12 10:34 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: MarkK]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
To me the true fault lies within the therapeutic community for not taking the advocacy for men assaulted as adults seriously. As a group they have failed us.

I too backed off from the daily affirmations listed here when I first read them long ago. Not because they were unsound. But because it directed the entire ten in a singular direction. By honing in on the majority I felt I had been left out of the intended mix. But I have found this in most things I have read or attended over the years since I was raped.

I know some might call certain statements here whiny in nature. And perhaps even insulted. I hope no man who endured abuse as a child would ever think that my intent were to insult or cause division here. What you see are simply the voices of men who feel society is not listening to them. Who feel they are a mere footnote or afterthought in the realm of recovery. We often feel misunderstood or appearing to be oppositional when in fact we are just speaking up for ourselves.

I would challenge anyone who has ever had to go against the popular tide In order to gain their rights or even be heard to see what is being said here.

A very kind member here once challenged me to not let my angst over the lack of resources for me to get in the way of my recovery. I thought long on that. I think I have not allowed my repeat disappointments to derail me as a whole. I have continued on with the work I need to do I order to live my life. But I wonder how
How much father I might be and how much faster I might have moved if male ASA was taken more seriously by those who could make a public difference. I am in a much better place these days in dealing with the societal apathy. But that does not mean I find it acceptable.

As Whitney Houston sang..."it's Not Right But It's Okay". "I'm gonna make it anyway". But it would have been nice to have had a little more help along the way.

May we all strive for what we need and not take no for an answer. Or silence for that matter.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#386198 - 02/17/12 08:28 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: prisonerID]
WalkingSouth Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/30/05
Posts: 16264
Great discussion. I like what Markk said. I was recently with a new T for several sessions before my insurance changed and I had to quit seeing him. This T also used the concept of learning to be in touch with my body and what it's communicating to me.

While the "inner child" concept was very useful for my CSA work it was not useful at all for the kind of stuff I was processing with this T because it wasn't related at all to childhood trauma.

I think perhaps there are individual professionals within the therapeutic community who "get it" when working with ASA survivors but it seems that the community as a whole are still way behind the curve.



Edited by WalkingSouth (02/17/12 08:30 PM)
_________________________
“Life’s journey is not to arrive at the grave safely in a well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, totally worn out, shouting ‘Holy ____…! What a ride!’” ~Hunter S. Thompson

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#386236 - 02/18/12 04:38 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: WalkingSouth]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 407
Loc: Louisiana, USA
I can see your point Brian. I have not thought about the inner child concept being offensive to an adult survivor, but I would say that it doesn't matter so much what I think. If you get pissed at being hounded by the concept, it's a valid feeling.

As an aside, I am new to all this stuff. I have been looking more at CSA than ASA, but I suppose I need to consider both. My freshman year in college I got drunk at a party. In that state, I thought I could take a 10 mile walk back to campus on the interstate.

I was picked up by some guys, robbed and tossed out of the car. I remember only that a sexual assault of some sort happened and that my hands were all torn up, from being thrown out of the car. A fraternity brother came and got me from the police station. Just as he walked in, I started to tell the officer that the guys had tried to rape me. He just told my friend to take me home. For 30 plus years I have wondered if these guys really did try and rape me, or if I was trying to make it with them. It occurs to me now that I was so naive that I would not have lied about what happened, especially to a cop.

Whole point of this is that I am just realizing the cop was totally dismissing the possibility that I could have been victimized. That really pisses me off.

Thanks for starting the discussion.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#386250 - 02/18/12 09:20 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: Jim1104]
Treehugger75 Offline


Registered: 02/08/12
Posts: 158
Loc: Ontario Canada
Quote:
Whole point of this is that I am just realizing the cop was totally dismissing the possibility that I could have been victimized. That really pisses me off.


Yeah that about sums it up. though i felt it could be stated a second time wink

_________________________
I will never ALWAYS be right, I wasn't wrong, I am whats left.

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#386547 - 02/20/12 05:20 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
senbar Offline


Registered: 03/17/09
Posts: 4
Loc: north carolina
NO. I am an adult and child survivor...this affirmation is intended to help heal the child in some respects. It helps me to see the boy inside me and soothe him. Looking back I feel like the boy is a child I let down and abandoned. As an adult male survivor I grieve for the man I was before I was raped. I want to give up all the time because I can not control my mind...it controls me. No matter how I rationalize my fears and the never ending thoughts that attack us each day, it that one affirmation helps one it is worth it. Yes I feel like because I was an adult no one takes it seriously. I tell my therapist my happy clear moments are like having tourettes, quick unannounced and short lived. When you call someones attempt to help crap...I wonder where is your compassion for others who have been victims.


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#387007 - 02/24/12 12:04 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: senbar]
DanM Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/09/07
Posts: 540
Loc: So. California
Senbar,

I truly identify with your di>


Edited by DanM (02/24/12 12:05 AM)
Edit Reason: spelling

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#387381 - 02/26/12 02:01 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: DanM]
rickovery Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor


Registered: 03/04/11
Posts: 21
Loc: Ohio
I understand how the inner child references can feel pretty uncomfortable when many had not been sexually abused as a child, but as an adult. I tend to look at the affirmations not as a whole, but in ala carte fashion. Some fit me and some do not. I sift through and utilize the ones that help me best. I too feel left out with regard to my own adult sexual abuse. For the most part, I tend to focus on the entie affirmation and pick and choose what works best for me.


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#388007 - 03/01/12 11:40 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: rickovery]
Anomalous Offline
Greeter Coordinator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 03/07/10
Posts: 1341
Hi All,

To PeteN,

First, welcome to MS. I am sorry that you need to be here, but I am glad that you have found us.

I read your post in the other forum. Despite why you were where you were, you never deserved to be raped. NO ONE ever deserves to be sexually assaulted.



To LN3(SS),


I hear your pain and anger regarding the lack of inclusion in the research, the literature and the terminology/ phrases that are commonplace.

When references such as "inner child" are used, I too get angry as it seems that, yet again, the existence of adults (especially adult males) who were sexually abused/ assaulted do not exist.

It is painful to read information that only addresses childhood sexual abuse and does not take into consideration that adult males are not only abused/ assaulted, but they have significant trauma as a result.

Since there is only literature regarding childhood sexual abuse/ assault, that is all we have (for now). I try to take from it what resonates for me, and I do my best to gloss over the references/ terminology that exacerbates our exclusion, rather than our inclusion.

Hopefully sooner, rather than later, ASA issues will be researched and addressed.

In the meantime, you are here with guys who understand.

Even if our issues have not yet been researched in any meaningful way or in a manner which brings to light the prevalence and trauma of adult male sexual abuse/ assault, because the therapeutic community has failed to recognize our existence, we do not have to remain invisible and silent.

We can use our voices to rail against exclusionary language. We can also use our voices to lift the veil of invisibility.

History shows us how many groups who were once invisible, dismissed and neglected. By using their voices to speak against exclusionary terms and practices, those groups have finally found inclusion. One day, we will also be included and there will be adequate resources and acknowledgement of our needs.

Keep talking.

We are listening. We hear your pain and we want to help.

Together we can raise our voices and change the language and terminology to be inclusive, rather than exclusive.




Anomalous

_________________________
Acceptance on someone else's terms is worse than rejection.

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#388013 - 03/02/12 12:22 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: Anomalous]
honorableman Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/19/09
Posts: 25
Loc: United States
I am an adult survivor too 'bro. An innocent and NAIVE cool kid who was led into a sexual trap/rape buy a female black widow delivering me to her rape partner in crime hubby,

Fuck them all.

I am free. I hope you are or are heading in that direction too.

Best, Michael


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#388251 - 03/04/12 11:40 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: prisonerID]
Geeders Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/03/08
Posts: 1901
Loc: Peterborough, Ontario, Canada
Instead of thinking outside of the box, get rid of the box.
Deepak Chopra

_________________________
My name is Jim
WoR Mysthaven 2008, Level 2 WoR Alta 2009, Kirkridge 2010, 2011, Oprah 200 men

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#389406 - 03/15/12 07:53 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
I don't feel slapped in the face by this sort of termminology. I do, however, feel put to the side into the throes of the forgotten.

It does not apply to me. I have no "inner child" who needs healing. I had a good childhood, happy memories of it, I don't need childhood repair.

It was the fully grown, well-adjusted ADULT man who was traumatized. BIG difference.

For me, I just "turn off" when this terminology is thrown around, and perhaps due to the frequency of it, often feel as though I am one of the forgotten, and excluded, do not fit in with other survivors, supposed to not be able to relate to them, etc.

HOWEVER....

Having had to do some serious thought and soul-searching lately, the more I think about this, the more I realize I have begun approaching this terminology differently.

Do I still feel put off, exluded, etc, when I hear it? Yes. Yes, I do. But I don't let it rattle me. I look at it like this - adapt and change it. Adapt and change.

I don't have a "child" who needs to heal, but me as the adult, formerly adjusted grown man needs to heal. So change the terminology.

I frequently just change the "inner child" term in my head to my own name. It's not a "child", it's "Matthew".

I have the Matthew I was before the assault. And I have the Matthew I am now, after the assault. I am not happy with the Matthew I am now - I am trying to heal. What I am striving for is a sort of middle ground - a compromise between the two. Something that can connect the "before" with the "after" in such a way that "feels" like "me." Something somewhere between the two that I can accept and live with.

So for me "inner child" when I see it simply equals "Matthew" in my brain. I automatically change those two words in my head when I read it or hear it.

The past cannot be undone. What is done is done. I was raped. Pure, plain and fucking simple. But that does NOT and SHOULD not define the rest of my life. And that is how I approach this, and that is what I aim for.

Adapt, overcome.

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

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#389453 - 03/16/12 07:11 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
Matthew,

I like what you had to say here and find a lot of worth in your words. I too have had to work to reconnect with who I was before the rape. It has been an interesting journey.

As a man who has had to re-work female terms for the first years of recovery and later male CSA ones at times here I am pretty much unemotional about it. I have come to the point of no longer caring to try to change anything for my head hurts from the efforts. But one day things must change in order for more men who have been raped to come forward or to feel like they have a place - whether here or in the 3D world. We all look for things with our names on them or titles that identify us.

I am not concerned with myself as I have had to deal with this for almost twenty-two years now. If I had waited for the changing of terminology or the understanding of others I would still be suicidal, self destructive and living in the darkest of places. For those who have recently been assaulted and those to come in the days ahead I would like to see changes and true resources be created.

Right now the surface has barely been scratched and much is simply going through the motions.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#394619 - 04/23/12 02:23 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
J.Bytendorp Offline
User
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/09/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Salt Lake CIty, Utah
Wow, I am speechless and amazed about how strong and how much support that has been shown in this forum. It is very hard to be a minority of a minority of a minority. To be not only a survivor but a male survivor and also a male survivor who was sexually abused as a male. I have to agree with everyone here that it is hard to hear those statement about finding and connecting with your inner boy when it is our inner man that was hurt. I myself have to sit and change those words to better fit my situation. It is hard and challenging and my hope is that just like with females and males who have been abused as children that as we come out and share our stories and experiences about our ASA and voice our concerns and our needs that we will see change. This change might be slow, which is hard, but my hope that one day that change will be more inclusive to find health for other ASA. So I thank you for taking the time to share these experience and your stories and remember that your experience helps other ASA struggling to find a community.

Josh Bytendorp

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#398191 - 05/23/12 02:04 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 05:51 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#398443 - 05/26/12 02:45 AM * [Re: LN3(SS)]
Smalltown80sBoy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/25/12
Posts: 2217
*


Edited by Smalltown80sBoy (04/28/13 04:33 PM)

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#403695 - 07/15/12 03:11 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: J.Bytendorp]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 165
It was not our inner man but the inner self we thought we were and it hampers our capacity to connect with the ideal man we seek to become.
_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

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#404634 - 07/24/12 03:20 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: Tyr]
bodyguard8367 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/16/12
Posts: 1159
Loc: ""
""


Edited by bodyguard8367 (02/26/14 05:52 PM)
Edit Reason: SILENCED

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#404666 - 07/24/12 07:02 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: bodyguard8367]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 165
thanks dude
_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

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#405105 - 07/28/12 10:47 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: Tyr]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 165

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#406044 - 08/06/12 09:06 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
We encourage responses that provide common ground throughout recovery of male sexual abuse. This forum for Adult Sexual Abuse Survivors strives to focus on the experiences and the issues in surviving and eventual recovery of this specific field, men abused as adults. Although offered in the best of intention, it can feel condescending, even patronizing to hear about the path other survivors have taken. This group, these men, have had a terrible assault, and they wish to find their own path of healing, and they have asked for limits as to the sharing and yes, even the support other male survivors can offer.

As MaleSurvivor has become a home to us men who have survived child abuse, so too must this forum be a safe haven for men who have survived abuse as an adult. We enjoy the safety and connections that this site affords us, and so too must we respect the desire of these men to find their 'home'. We are connected to these in this forum, and we may interact with them when we can share with them on the level they have asked. In knowledge and interest with an adult perspective, defining recovery in adult abuse terms, terms that are different from other abuse conditions suffered as males. Let us enjoy each other within those protective confines, that we may all experience the best of this healing environment.

Best Regards,

Sam
_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#406069 - 08/07/12 02:11 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
J.Bytendorp Offline
User
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/09/09
Posts: 43
Loc: Salt Lake CIty, Utah
Tyr, I think one thing that you have to remember is that everyone comes here for different reasons and everyone's wants are different. I think this is a great question to bring up to find out what people specifically need (besides a safe place for only ASA which has been brought up) or why people are not posting. I would suggest that maybe you start a new thread so that it gets more attention asking your question.

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#406384 - 08/10/12 11:16 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: J.Bytendorp]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 165
if you look back i did that a few times in the past. im getting burned out
_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

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#406927 - 08/15/12 05:49 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Maybe you need to take a break

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#407261 - 08/19/12 11:13 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
ren42 Offline


Registered: 03/26/11
Posts: 54
.

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#407571 - 08/22/12 04:15 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 165
thank you for the morale boost ren!
_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

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#414544 - 10/28/12 10:33 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
tommyp72 Offline


Registered: 05/21/11
Posts: 12
Loc: Virginia
On my WOR (x2) there were men who had been assaulted as adults as well as those with a past of CSA. But MaleSurvivor was established priamarily with CSA in mind. No everything in those 10 affirmations applies to me either, I had a fantastic child hood, except for one neighbor and his "friends", my life would have been ideal. But I don't get angry about what doesn't apply directly to me here, instead, I try to use what tools work, and leave off those that don't. On my weekends, there were a couple of exercises that I felt uncomfortable doing, so I didn't. No one judged me, and no one tried to make be play along. Take what you can find to get healing, and don't worry about what doesn't. Personally, I need to try to reconnect with the the parts of me I cut off in the past. I started functioning in many ways, as an adult when I was 5 years old. I didn't allow myself to feel much of the joy that was everywhere around me. For some of us the "inner child" connection is not a bunch of crap. For you, I can understand why you would want to find resources that help you to be listened to and understood. I don't know what it feels like to go through adult rape, but I think I understand what it feels like to not have control over what is happening to you, to carry rage, and hate, hurt, guilt, shame, and to be utterly disrespected. We all need to embrace each other here. I care about you feelings and pain. I really do. You didn't deserve what happened to you and I want you to find peace and healing. Just like I want for myself and every one the guys here, no matter what their story is.

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#414546 - 10/28/12 10:45 AM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
tommyp72 Offline


Registered: 05/21/11
Posts: 12
Loc: Virginia
One last quick note. Since this whole website/organization started with a few peop;e putting their heads together to start something that was much needed for us. Then it stands to reason that there is another glaring inadequacy out there in the communities we live in. No one addresses the rape of men, even though it goes on much more frequently than we would like to think. Well a few years ago, no one paid much attention to male CSA. So what do we need to do? Who will carry that standard forward? Do we sit back in silence and grumble among ourselves or do we turn up the volume, turn on the spotlight, and draw attention to the problem? I'd be happy to help someone write a book about their experience. Or even an article. But this is just a call to move toward action instead of cursing the dark. Let's light this candle!!! Who is willing to be on a blog with their story out there so the world finally gets it?

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#415134 - 11/02/12 06:28 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: LN3(SS)]
BuffaloCO Offline


Registered: 07/14/12
Posts: 415
Loc: USA
My only thought is this...it is not a competition. Not every method, idea, or concept should have to work for everyone to be effective. One act or 100 hundred, abuse is wrong no matter when it happens.
_________________________
“We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark. The real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.” - Plato

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#425600 - 02/17/13 04:23 PM Re: Insult to Adult Survivors [Re: Tyr]
ThisMan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 767
Loc: upper south


Edited by billray (02/17/13 04:25 PM)
_________________________
For now we see through a glass, darkly.



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