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#3860 - 08/02/06 09:06 PM That Which was Stolen from Us.
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Guys Andys post got me thinking about this old post and I wanted to bring it back up for the new guys here. So much has been Stolen from us.

Thanks for shareing.

Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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#3861 - 08/02/06 09:33 PM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
roadrunner Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/02/05
Posts: 22045
Loc: Carlisle, PA
Tom,

This is an important topic. I have given it some thought and I think the greatest harm done to me was the systematic destruction of my feeling of worth as a boy. This led me to accept some horribly sadistic treatment by the abuser, robbed me of so much of my childhood, and made me turn to a lot of self-destructive behavior in later years in my efforts to numb out and forget how much I hated being me.

But what I have discovered as I recover is that the legacy of even the worst abuse cannot defeat a determined survivor's will to heal. Many of the things I thought I had lost had only been locked up out of my view. It hasn't been easy to reclaim these, dust them off, and put them to use again, but I am willing to try and I already think I like the results.

Much love,
Larry

_________________________
Nobody living can ever stop me
As I go walking my freedom highway.
Nobody living can make me turn back:
This land was made for you and me.
(Woody Guthrie)

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#3862 - 08/02/06 10:00 PM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
shadowkid Offline
WARNING from ModTeam, September 2013: user "Shadowkid" was exposed as a hoaxer. His entire online persona and stories of sexual abuse were fiction. We encourage you not to become emotionally concerned by anything you see in any of his posts. Thank you
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/18/05
Posts: 2437
what was stolen for me? more like ripped from me ,taken against my will.first he tok my freedom,then he took my innocence,then he took my body,then he took my mind.maygbe the question should be what did he give me?what did he teach me? he gave me permanant scars and injuries,he gave me guilt and shame,he gave me a life of selfdoubt and self blame,hge gave me anger,hate and disgust,what did he teach me? he taught me how not to cry,he taught me how not to feel,he taught me that love is something other people have ,he taught me to trust no one,he taught me what it means to be alone ,truly totaly completly alone
i lost my family ,my childhood ,my life as i knew it.i was placed into foster care hell ,taken from everything i had known.i became a problem child in the juvinile system,a bad kid .he stole my ability to care ,he stold everything.also he was arrested ,jailed ,did his time a whole 7 years, got out ,as a model prisoner,and hurt another kid within a few months.7 years for the life of an 11 year old boy.who only wanted to grow up happy.

_________________________
its not hard to fall
when you float like a cannonball - damien rice

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#3863 - 08/04/06 05:57 AM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
Hauser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/12/05
Posts: 2962
Loc: United States
He stole my future. Before my abuse I had a great interest in human anatomy, and I could name every organ in the body when I was in 3rd grade, I knew a lot of the bones too. I remember wanting to be a surgeon. That's all gone. I could have contributed so much more to this world and to the lives of other people. So he didn't just hurt me, he hurt all the other people in this world that I most certainly would have helped.


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#3864 - 08/04/06 09:45 PM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
Jay Bee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 52
Loc: NY
I would say freedom and self-identity.

The incidents of CSA became this gigantic black hole that more and more of my life growing up into an adult became sucked into. The distinction between being an African-American adolescent going thru crap, or a gay adolescent going thru crap or a plain ole adolescent going thru crap(LOL) and a CSA survivor going thru crap became blurred. The main fear I faced in revealing what had happened to me was to be only seen as a CSA survivor from that moment in the eyes of the people I confided in.

I would say what was stolen was giving myself permision to live and flip out and fuck up and go off the deep end and truly love and truly reveal all of me and truly come out of hiding and truly be me which sometimes, I fear, I don't know who that is at all.

CSA survivor is the only identity I feel unfairly thrust upon me to the point of utter frustrstion and anger. I feel I can wear being gay like a cloak or wear being African-American like a cloak but I drown in being a CSA survivor.

I wanna be someone's friend, lover, confidant, homeboy not Jay, that CSA survivor. That's what I mean by stealing of identity.


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#3865 - 08/05/06 12:30 AM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
melliferal Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/03/05
Posts: 1159
My abusers stole my confidence, my pride in myself and my willingness to excel or stand out of the crowd for anything. I've worked past many negative effects of the abuse; but the drive to succeed and be noteworthy is something I'm still working on.

_________________________
Children cannot consent; they can only comply.

Oprah's resources for male survivors

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#3866 - 08/05/06 01:03 AM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
guitarguy Offline
Junior Member

Registered: 07/11/05
Posts: 12
Loc: Canada
i would say, although it has become a filmic cliche, loss of innocence.

the idea that I a five year old kid had the burden of 'protecting' the lives of the people who loved and protected him. so much so that i complied with the abuser's threat/demand for over 15 years.

i slowly fell into a common routine: i went into the shadows. if no one noticed me, no one would look. only once in my entire childhood did someone come close, but with no succes for both of us

ive decided that i will deal with the emotional scars i have been left with, that i will never again forget. but i also remember that dwelling on these memories sent me into the worst headspace ive ever and hopefully will wver be in.

_________________________
how are you?

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#3867 - 08/05/06 07:05 AM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
Jay Bee Offline
Member

Registered: 06/10/06
Posts: 52
Loc: NY
I meant to add the Timeline of Memory was stolen also. There are some things that happened in my life I would probably like to remember but cannot. There are wonderful experiences in my past I do remember in a similar way as my sister does when reminiscing about childhood, with the most important stuff intact and some minor details sorta hazy. Then the CSA is either indistinct to the point of being nonde>

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#3868 - 08/05/06 02:31 PM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
Kenn Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/10/04
Posts: 146
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Stolen

-a sense of my own physical boundaries
-the idea of my sexuality as simply a gift (or a "given")
-a desire for true relationship with a significant other (manifests as "why bother?")
-the will to succeed (getting by has been good enough; quitting fine too)
-trust
-self-confidence
-self-esteem

...all of which I am trying to get back.

Kenn

_________________________
"This above all; to thine own self be true."

William Shakespeare, Hamlet

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#3869 - 08/10/06 01:04 PM Re: That Which was Stolen from Us. Part 3
Muldoon Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/30/02
Posts: 1428
Loc: St Paul MN
Thanks guys lots of good info here. Tom

_________________________
Teach the Children to Never Hide in the Silence

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