But once I learned what was behind it all, I could understand why he did what he did.
On strictly an intellectual level, I understand it, but my heart and my self-esteem never will.
I have to believe your wife (Scott) was merely expressing an understanding of the effects of your trauma. Or, perhaps she was so hurt by your use of porn (to me, porn is infidelity), that she made this comment sarcastically, out of anger and hurt???
Regardless, no one can never be healed by behaving in ways beneath one's personal dignity.