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#386131 - 02/16/12 10:22 PM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: traveler]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1237
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 10:39 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#386133 - 02/16/12 11:03 PM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: lapchinj]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
traveler,

I am deeply touched by your experience. I am moved by your honesty.

I was abused by 3 males so, I totally get what your saying.

Thanks for posting your experience.

Peace,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#386195 - 02/17/12 07:37 PM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: Avery46]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Weird thing - had to go back for couple counseling with my wife on Fri. When I got back in the elevator - which i was dreading - i discovered there was NO MIRROR - like i had remembered in that elevator. That had been part of the flashback - being forced to see myself back when i was 15 and then shutting out that memory - not wanting to see it or face it.

Getting a better grip on things now...
Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#386340 - 02/19/12 02:09 AM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: traveler]
WriterKeith Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/30/10
Posts: 952
Loc: southern California
Lee,
Triggers are triggers, regardless of what...or who..they are.

I was molested and physically tortured by my father who mostly identified as an exemplary role model of an evangelical church leader.

My triggers range from church potlucks and Sunday School rooms to medical exams and Mennen aftershave. I panic when I get an invitation to a party. A PARTY, for god's sake! To me even a party is a confined space with a group of people, much like an elevator...as interpreted in the back of my brain.

You're not "out there" at all. As others mentioned, it's just one of your triggers. In my situation, I've learned that they grow stronger when I fight them, so I've learn to manage them instead.

_________________________
"A burned bridge can be a gift; it prevents us from returning to a place we should have never been."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5JfvAPZGjds

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#386344 - 02/19/12 02:24 AM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: WriterKeith]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
thanks, everyone.

still stying to regain my balance. very shaky today. discussed it in the couple session with wife & T. wasn't fun. found where the stairs are...

lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#386348 - 02/19/12 02:41 AM Re: Homophobia = literally [Re: traveler]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
and another thing - - realized while talking to T on Fri that as soon as i was safely outside the elevator and on the street - I totally forgot what had happened... until later that day - while checking these forums - a phrase triggered it and it all came back to me. then i wrote the original post in this thread and then i forgot it again until i checked the forums later and saw the post that i'd forgotten i wrote. feel like i'm going crazy. T said it was dissociation - but i've never had such short and obvious ones. and usually when something bothers me i obsess about it for ages and cant forget so this was really strange.

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
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