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#385938 - 02/15/12 08:33 PM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: George]
Jim1961 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/10/09
Posts: 1123
Loc: Pa, but likely traveling...
Yeah I can relate. When my dad remarried I suddenly had two identical twin stepbrothers, 5 years older than me. At 16 they were bragging to me about their conquests (I was 11).

I thought both of them were dumb and boring (just talked about cars and girls) lol. Now I am 50, in pretty good shape, have a nice family. And both of them are bums... One spent 10 years in jail for drugs, the other was caught DUI and claimed to be the OTHER brother and is in house arrest for that... But through it all they have their women....

It sure is a mystery to me... But you are right about locking ourselves up... There is a huge price for that...

Jimmy

_________________________
Loneliness is a power that we possess to give or take away forever. -Yes, Starship Trooper

My Story

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#385952 - 02/15/12 10:44 PM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: Jim1961]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3351
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Now i hear from my wife that she and "all the other girls" thought i was "hot" at 18 when we were all starting college. If I had only known! - but i probably wouldn't have been able to get over my own wretched self-image at the time to make the most of it, anyway. And of course, none of them knew my past. I wonder if it would have made a difference then. I KNOW it would have made me an untouchable as far as girls were concerned if I hadn't moved away from the town where i was the favorite recipient of abuse and bullying in the Junior high school. i was treated by everyone of my peers as if i had leprosy. I know i was cute as a little kid, but of course i didn't even think about such things at the time. And when the abuse really accelerated as i entered puberty, my self-image went down the toilet - funny - now i realize i thought of my appearance as having been negatively affected, too. I thought and felt that i was not only worthless and dirty but ugly. i don't really know what i really looked like cause i've intentionally avoided pictures of myself at that period. I don't think i have a single one in my home of myself before i went to college. There are some in storage and at my mom's place but -

just rambling,
Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#385959 - 02/16/12 12:22 AM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: Jim1961]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: Jim1961
Oh my George... this was tough to read!!! But I am happy for you (and OH SO JEALOUS too... lol)

Originally Posted By: George
I had the wrong idea as a kid, *most* girls / women wouldn't turn & run from us. They are nurturers by instinct. Haven't we all seen nice & decent girls / women attached to what we all know are total losers, all because they are trying to fix / save them? You all have see that haven't you?


Oh, stop making SENSE!!! smile

Yes, I have seen many beautiful women with the BIGGEST loser (drug addicts, bike gang members, criminals...) and felt like it was SO unfair. Because I was the "nice quiet kid."

I also know that the women I was exposed to as a kid (mom who emotionally abandoned us, live-in "nanny" who was the b!tch from HELL) have tainted my view of women.

So yeah, I project stuff on my wife. Maybe I don't give her enough credit, but of course I could make a list of 10 reasons (experiences) that would conclude "don't EVER be vulnerable with her like that!!!"

But then I feel like I am still in my emotional cage. 13 years old, alone in my bedroom, knowing that the world is "out there" and I am stuck "in here." So sadness sets in....

And I do wonder how much is real and how much I project onto her...

So darn you George!!! smile

Jimmy


Note: I cuss. I'm sick (and most likely dying) so, no offense. I'm no longer gonna be society's bitch.

Jim,

Your brother was wild like I was in my 20s (mine due to Bipolar). The women that want to "nurture" guys like me and your brother steered clear because we were wild and had problems. No idea about him, but, the three girls that had an interest in my junior high wanted the wild guy, the creative type, the bad boy. I was happy go lucky, couldn't give a fuck, creative type guy. No idea what to do with them at that age (and it was a good thing for them since I might not have cared that much about sex with them like a guy should with a virgin--not like a guy with his shit together). Talking about the girls every guy wanted to be boyfriends with.

I was above average looking. Not a young Brad Pitt or anything. We moved every few years or maybe my life would've been different even with CSA/child abuse. Those girls were nice people. I could talk to girls and lend an ear was probably it. No idea. I do know I was a fucked up kid then a fucked up adult. The bad guys liked me up till high school. Beating the shit outta two bullies was maybe it too.

Thankfully, my highs are back (really recent). Depression can kiss my ass. Demanded my bipolar highs returned. Not much medical help and I figured, this wasn't there during my Bipolar years so maybe it can fix it.

Whatever they saw didn't make me any friends in high school. I was in my own world then. Deep depression set in. I'm sure that's what it was. I was on a high from like 4 years old to 14. It really sucked. Suicidal from 16 to like 20-21.

One thing I do know is all my life is that life felt empty. Like nothing was there but me (and my others (DID) after 26-27). It felt sterile. It was constant and got worse at 15. The worst years of my life were high school years to like 20-21. Really no idea why I wasn't a suicide at like 16-17 because it entered my mind a lot. No clue. At 14-17 I really wanted to be a robot. All the pain would go away.

Sex with strangers ain't intimacy. No idea what is but it can make you feel lonely. Oh, so lonely. It can also make you feel used just like hookers talk about. I didn't have shame about it. Many do. It doesn't mean a thing. Being shallow is easy. That's where random sex and prostitution messes complicated people up. I've always been good at being shallow and uncomplicated. I had to be.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#385960 - 02/16/12 12:27 AM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: DarkHadou]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
Uh I've had alot of people think I am a molester when I;ve said I was molested. Thats where alot of people jump to. I was once in a meeting for Alcholics where two women spoke up in their shares about having been molested; no one batted an eye and were sympathetic. When I also said it had happend to me, some eys went wide. The next meeting was on: If I should be allowed around the club. I was outside during thsi meeting an one person called me a pedophile. I'm not or a perp. I was very shocked!
I;ve had some other bad experiences telling strangers, but since then I have better boudaries about who I tell. In my opinion men are not looked on as a victim as much as women. men are more demonized than women.


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#385965 - 02/16/12 12:54 AM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: redsox046]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
I am sorry Jim. I too know that it is not safe to make it public what happened to us. i had told someone Id been molested and the same assumtion: 99 % of men molested as boys become molesters. This person told others and it became unsfe to live in the small town for me. as people thought i was a chold molester and I am not. This was assumed solely on the fact Id said i had been molested. As Clinton said " I feel your pain", but I really do!


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#385967 - 02/16/12 01:03 AM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: Jim1961]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
Yes and strangely people think only 1% of women ever become child molesters. We live in a dumb society


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#385969 - 02/16/12 01:10 AM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: traveler]
little big man Offline


Registered: 06/19/10
Posts: 106
Loc: nevada
Pretty far from rambling. I am just like you. I actually was am handsome, never knew it and still dont like my reflection in the mirror. Some girlfriends told me " if you only knew" I have always had a bad self image of myself. Self esteem is a rare thing for me, always had self esteem problems. Thanks for narrative.


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#385975 - 02/16/12 03:04 AM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: little big man]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3351
Loc: somewhere in Africa
And now i wonder... Did the same features of appearance that made me attractive to gilrs also make me attractive to pedos & perps?

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


Top
#386078 - 02/16/12 04:46 PM Re: How do women view Male victims [Re: Jim1961]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 124
Loc: Michigan
It really just depends on the woman I suppose. My ex had a hard time dealing with it. She wasn't supportive at all. Our marriage ended with her getting on a plane and never coming back. She had cheated on me before, but always came back (I presume because she needed something, like money).

My fiance is VERY supportive. She is super cautious about us sexually. I remember one of the first times I had a massive trigger in an intimate setting with her. I feared so bad that this would end the relationship (which was only about 2 months old at the time). But she stood by me, and continues to still today. I love her dearly for this.


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