Redsox and Jim1961,

Yep, the first psychiatrist I had knew about the CSA and he told me, "Men won't understand and women will hold it against you because it makes you unmanly. It's a rarity even if we [psychiatric profession] understand." He had been a psychiatrist for an easy 30 years when I saw him (and was nuts to be honest). He had seen it all. That's why I've told very, very, very few. Maybe 2 people outside of MS in the course of daily life. Now, telling people you're Bipolar, he said, "Most get that. It's common."

When I said I didn't care, shit happens, I meant that toward others I might know. Others telling me they had CSA didn't make them seem less of a person or damaged beyond repair. Just a person.

That's what I would call a problem of education in society in general. One of the biggest challenges we have is to break that myth that the abused will inevitably become abusers.

Optimistically (naively, perhaps), I believe that as issues of male sexual abuse gain greater attention, people will come to see how common it is, and how just about everyone knows someone who was affected by it. That is one small step toward shattering that myth.

Having said that, there is still a lot that we can/should do to dispel that false notion.

I refuse to be labeled by 90%, 99% or even 100%. What do those ignorant people know of our lives and what it means to be a man?

The answer: Nothing.

Many of us, if not all of us, have experienced more pain, more shame, and more hard learned lessons in life than any boy or man or woman can imagine.

It is true there is not a social space for us in many places; however, we have to make the social space. I look back at the people who are here in their 50's, 60's, 70's+ who are dealing with this crap, and I'm thankful they have done it. If not, I would not be here or be as far as long as I am.

I know many men and women. I do not talk about what specifically happened to me; however, I speak out every chance I get. Last year, I had a friend close to me (albeit while drunk) tell me he was abused. He's even younger than I am! But he only felt comfortable admitting it because I admitted it first and I provided a space for the story to be heard. A place where the story could be believed.

The 90% or 99% are living a lie. We are living in truth. We know first hand it happens. We know first hand that we are tough, compassionate, and hard to kill buggers! We will survive and thrive to make that number 90%/99% much lower in future generations and even in our own.

We can make a difference. We already are.

This is a great post. This is a topic on lots of men's (and women's) minds.

I will continue to voice my story (not in details) to safe people. I will be the safe person for others to talk to. I will be a "trailblazer" for us male survivors.

I have heard and look forward to discovering survivors both men and women in 12step groups.

As Sacred_Sage said above "We can make a difference. We already are."

Peace,
Avery

i hope your next girlfriend is a human being.
hold out for only the best.
that is what you deserve.

in my experience with males responses to it i've notice i have lost the respect of the close male friends i told. They are still my close friends but they treat me like i'm less of a man then i was before i told them. I just wanna be like "Id like to see you deal with this BITCHES" "you would probably go curl up in a corner and cry like a bunch of little girls". Society certainly doesn't really understand it very well, and its a terrible thing.

redsox, i agree society doesn't understand it really well. maybe i'm lucky, i don't know. i've never had a male or female think of me any differently. in fact most of my female friends -past and present- know first hand what i'm talking about. of the guys, some have also had experiences but not likely what we talk about here. otherwise they were always very understanding. guess we wouldn't be friends if they weren't.

The way others react - and/or the fear of it is probly the main reason that most of us guard our terrible secret as if it was a matter of life and death ... and sometimes it is.

I disagree with all of you. I have been in at least 6 relationships with women who have embraced, loved me, and understood my trauma. Women have the amazing capability to withstand more than what you can think of. They did not love me any less because I was abused. I am in a relationship right now with a woman who has done a lot of research into the abuse of males because she wants to understand me and be there for me, not save me. I am not "less attractive" to women because of what happened to me, matter of fact I am a stud. I am incredibly desirable, and I know how to act like a man.

The question you need to ask yourself is what kind of image am I projecting into the world that makes me unattractive?

Philip, rub it in. You are very, very, very lucky. Disagree all you want. 90% women/99% men shunned CSA survivors I personally saw (even among those with mental illness). Had lots of sex over the years (including an orgy) but no relationships out of it. Yeah, it made me feel like a hooker. I keep my mouth shut. In real life, I would not broach the subject of CSA unless it was a support group and I knew them well and did not work with them. I project shallowness/superficialness. Not by choice but by surviving so many years.