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#376652 - 11/24/11 12:03 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: Drop]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
I think, while hyper-vigilance can be quite draining, it can have it's benefits.
If there's ever a fire, or break in, or work accident, or mountain lion attack lol, we survivors will sure be ready.
I have a six inch, K bar style knife I carry with me all the time, just in case that damn mountain lion decides I'm his next meal. I think not!!!!!

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

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#376718 - 11/24/11 09:55 PM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: kinghenri]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
I used to have night terrors.

Wake up screaming "No"!

Wake up positive someone was standing over me.

I had a doctor tell me i'd been living on adrenaline for 30+ years.

Being hyper vigilant was my normal state.

Today-this is all part of the past - something I grateful for- it DOES get better.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#376737 - 11/25/11 12:32 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6719
Loc: USA
I'm quite unaware of my bad dreams. I think it's because I have shut them out of my conscious mind. I think the dreams come during what they call "REM sleep". I am told by my dentist that I grind my teeth at night. I don't get a good night's rest in even 8 hours. I use a CPAP machine but I believe it to be a partial fix. A good nap for about an hour seems to bring me up to speed. I nap with TV or pleasant music going. I think the sound keeps my mind from going into a nose-dive from the gyrations of dreams.

Puffer





Edited by pufferfish (11/25/11 12:38 AM)

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#376742 - 11/25/11 01:14 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: pufferfish]
Logan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/05/03
Posts: 1205
Loc: NY
Yes YES!

I thought that I was the only one that thought this way.
I am actually surprised at how many people responded to this post


I liked what Ryan said about it being a PTSD thing. That make a lot of sense, I just never thought of it that way.

For instance, I have a terrible fear of being tied-up and restrained or kidnapped.
I used to write out these "survival tactics." I must have written over 150 of them.
here is an example of one:

"When being being dragged/forced by 1 or 2 guys into the back of a car/trunk, try to kick out a tail-light. That way when they are driving down the road they have a chance of being pulled over by the police for the busted taillight and when they pull over the police officer can/will hopefully her me kicking and screaming in the back."

I have so many of these weird improbable scenarios that I have thought about and even written down from over the ages, I guess I began doing them since my mid teens, now that I think about it.

When ever i walk down the street, I never "advertise" where I am going and sometimes cross streets diagonally and/or against the light so that no one can easily follow me.

I am always scanning my environment-day and night, to try to figure out what peoples intentions are, what is in their hands...
and then I travel down the "what if" scenarios. Like if he has a gun, what and where will provide amble cover and protection.

When ever I enter a building, I always locate at least 2 exits.

I always like to have options in any (possible) situation.

I have fantasized many times: what if terrorists/ heavily armed gunmen tried to raid where I am.

It my lab, I used to remember where all the dif. chemicals were to make both chemical grenades and fragmentation types, and store extra beakers to use as receptacles for them.

I could go on and on.

I have more flashlights than anyone I know and the most powerful flashlights-the kind that can temporarily blind someone from more than 100ft!

Anyway, my dad always used the motto: "Better to have and not need, Than to need and not have."

I guess That I have lived up to it to an extreme degree.

Thank you Henri for bringing up this topic, I never would have thought to relate it to survivor issues, but I guess they are directly related after all.

Logan

_________________________
"Terrible thing to live in Fear"-Shawshank Redemption
WOR Alumnus Hope Springs 2009
"Quite a thing to live in fear, this is what is means to be a slave"
-Blade Runner

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#377129 - 11/28/11 01:09 PM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: Logan]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
Thanks for the continued posts on this subject.

And to think -- I thought I had the most hypervigilance --- But Logan should get a PhD..... lol

But seriously --- I remember the first CSA recovery book I read -- when the section on "Hypervigilance" was read by me --- it was like "Bingo!" --- someone has been following me around. Actually - it made me fell not so weird......

BTW -- I now have a video camera that is outside my office door -- that is recorded 24/7 and a screen i can look at before someone comes in my office. LOGAN - I bet you don't have that!!!! Gottcha

Im just poking fun at myself really.

Oh -- Christmas shopping is pretty stressful with the wife -- because I refuse to park in a parking garage unless there is absolutely nothing else available......


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#385406 - 02/12/12 01:57 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: Sobernow]
kinghenri Offline


Registered: 05/06/09
Posts: 214
Loc: Tucson Arizona
Okay. I actually enjoy the daydreams now as I carry a handgun.
Just in case. Now I can picture myself coming out of anything as long as
a) I don't use it unless I absolutely have to
b) I don't hesitate when it is for sure needed.

Luckily, the state of Arizona respects my right to carry open or concealed. I don't even need a permit, although I'm getting one soon just as a learning experience.

As for the shooting range? I'm pretty quick at dispatching deadly fruits and vegetables!!! Lol. Gotta watch out for those watermelons!

_________________________
"In my life, I have seen,
People walk into the sea,
Just to find memories,
Plagued by constant misery,
Their eyes cast down,
Fixed upon the ground,
Their eyes cast down

I'll keep my eyes fixed on the sun"

Top
#385414 - 02/12/12 03:23 AM Re: Morbid Daydreams. [Re: kinghenri]
traveler Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3211
Loc: back in the USA
I missed this one the 1st time around.
Glad to see it this time.

Some of my worst daydreams are like a mental argument that i can almost hear another voice or voices accusing me or criticizing or mocking and i am trying to answer or make excuses or explain or justify myself. No mystery why this happens... I used to experience exactly that scenario frequently and always was anticipating it and trying to prepare for it and have a defense ready or way of defusing or deflecting the situation prepared and rehearsed...

And Puffer & Mt. Buck - I totally get what both of you are saying. I used to have night terrors too and couldn't wake up even when i was being shaken, slapped, shouted at and having cold water thrown on me. It just became another layer of the reality of the dream world. I would see, hear, feel, everything that was actually happening in addition to what i was dreaming/nightmaring - but it was more like a hallucination,really. I eventually "outgrew" it or passed through that "phase" as my completely clueless parents put it. By the middle of my teens - coincidentally - when we moved away from the town, state and country where the worst and most frequent of the abuse and bullying took place, that type of nocturnal activity stopped. I would wake up "hung-over" and exhausted the nest morning and only remember vague images and sensations...

Then I went through a long period when I rarely if ever remebered any details of dreams but would wake up knowing that I had had one and that it had been bad. It bothered me not to remember - but it might have bothered me more to remember so i didn't obsess about it. The ones i did remember were so cryptic and surreal and innocuous that i knew they were heavily encoded and that the "real" meaning was so bad that i couldn't handle it so my mind was protecting me. I have woken up my wife numerous times by talking or moning or crying our in my sleep. My wife just gave me a kids book about bad dreams for my birthday. At first i was sort of taken aback and felt like i was being taunted - then realized it was her cute way of saying she understands and is trying to help.

Now - just within the past couple of months - i have started remembering dreams more often and even knowing exactly what they mean. And usually they are telling we something new or clarifying something i need to understand - or confirming something that i suspect but am not sure about. Some i can even connect directly to daydreams or things that happened or that i read during the previous day. I think that's good.

Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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