Hi Avery. I'm new to the board but wanted to say that I am a gay man who has struggled to identify who I am in the past so I understand to some extent what you are going through, although every journey is unique.
I have been in male and female relationships when I was younger because I was convinced that I wasn't gay and so desperately didn't want to be.
Each of us is on our own journey dealing with our past abuse which includes sexual abuse. Even though I have a hell of a lot of crap to work through I have worked through my gay identity issues personally.
I don't fit in a catagory. I'm gay but I'm not "GAY". What I mean by that is I don't fit the attributes that gay society seems to want to box me into. The gay community bitches about the straight world trying to fit everyone into a bracket and then fitting gays into a really horrible bracket of infidelity, sexual perversion, being kind of feminine etc. However the gay community turns right around and does it with those of us who are gay.
You may be straight and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You may even be bi, and you know what that is ok too. At the end of the day Avery, you wake up with you no matter who you may be in a relationship with. You can choose to love and be kind to yourself, or you can choose to not be nice to yourself. You can not choose your sexuality. It is what it is.
Take time away and get to know you, and then when you find out what and who you are love and accept yourself. As long as you aren't hurting yourself or others than that is all you can ask for.
I hope that helps. And best wishes to you.
_________________________
"Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish
by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
~Albert Einstein
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