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#383646 - 01/27/12 03:03 PM Yes, Men Can Stop Rape (But Why Stop There?)
James Landrith Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 40
Loc: Alexandria, VA, USA
Yes, Men Can Stop Rape (But Why Stop There?)

An excerpt from my recent article on men and rape prevention:

Quote:
For those who don't know and because it helps color my own view of the situation, I was raped by a woman who drugged me. Iím sorry, but she also needs to be include in the masses who can stop rape. I'd suggest that any person who used a fetus as a human shield to keep a person compliant for the purposes of committing rape (after the drugs that she had previously administered via an alcoholic beverage wore off) was definitely someone who can and should contribute to ending rape. She, and abusive women like her, are certainly part of the problem. Her possession of female genitalia doesn't change a damned thing about her actions or accountability.

Since getting involved in sexual violence advocacy work as a speaker and trainer (and survivor), Iíve heard from many male and female survivors of female predators. Women who commit sexual violence fly gracefully under the radar partially based on gender norms that view women as incapable of being monsters and men as less masculine if they admit they can be vulnerable. While empowering campaigns like this one do us no harm, claims that "only men can actually stop rape" serve to further erase and minimize our own personal experiences which donít fit neatly into the predominant narrative on sexual violence.


http://jameslandrith.com/content/view/3847/79/

_________________________
Member of RAINN Speakers Bureau and syndicated blogger
Good Men Project author
Vice President, Men Recovering from Military Sexual Trauma
http://jameslandrith.com

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#384485 - 02/05/12 08:29 PM Re: Yes, Men Can Stop Rape (But Why Stop There?) [Re: James Landrith]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
If you take your personal experience into account, I can see your point.
But in general, I think that much of the rape prevention campaigns are too much directed at how women can protect themselves instead of teaching people that no-means-no.
Being a woman, I'm pretty much tired of being told that I shouldn't dress provocatively, don't walk by myself in the dark, don't get drunk, etc. etc. as if doing any of those means I give consent.

Back to your article, would you be satisfied if the campaigns were directed at 'predators' thus men AND women, teaching them that for instance a drunk/drugged person (male/female) is simply off limits?


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#384671 - 02/07/12 08:19 AM Re: Yes, Men Can Stop Rape (But Why Stop There?) [Re: Shawushka]
James Landrith Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 40
Loc: Alexandria, VA, USA
Originally Posted By: Shawushka
If you take your personal experience into account, I can see your point.
But in general, I think that much of the rape prevention campaigns are too much directed at how women can protect themselves instead of teaching people that no-means-no.
Being a woman, I'm pretty much tired of being told that I shouldn't dress provocatively, don't walk by myself in the dark, don't get drunk, etc. etc. as if doing any of those means I give consent.

Back to your article, would you be satisfied if the campaigns were directed at 'predators' thus men AND women, teaching them that for instance a drunk/drugged person (male/female) is simply off limits?


I agree that telling women how not to get raped is offensive and I do not advocate that and have spoken out against it. I take issue with the biased and harmful (to men/women abused/raped by women) assertion by some that ONLY men rape and that ONLY men need to learn not to be abusive. If people are truly committed to ending sexual violence, not just engaging in scapegoating via gender, they'll actually tackle the issue with all survivors in mind and targeting all predators. Part of the reason why so many male survivors are silent is due to the fact that we are constantly told overtly and subtly that we cannot be sexually violated solely based on our gender. We are also told that women cannot be monsters. I know MANY women who were abused by women and find that concept abhorrent and minimizing as well.

The claim that "only men can stop rape" is an utter lie. Not all rapists are men, as many men and women can, sadly, attest to from personal experience.

_________________________
Member of RAINN Speakers Bureau and syndicated blogger
Good Men Project author
Vice President, Men Recovering from Military Sexual Trauma
http://jameslandrith.com

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#384728 - 02/07/12 02:27 PM Re: Yes, Men Can Stop Rape (But Why Stop There?) [Re: James Landrith]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Shaw, I'm very sorry. You're the first guy I've read that was raped by a woman. I've never seen stats on male rape myself. It's probably just not reported. Only like 10% of women report rapes themselves so I assume it might by like less than 1% for men that were raped by women that report it. Male rape by other men I've read about many times. A lot in prisons.

I know sexual harassment of men is growing as women become managers. I was a victim of sexual harassment myself and got fired after I reported it. A man was the harasser. The EEOC told me, yeah, right, sure. Got proof? I cussed out the investigator over the phone and hung up.

The rape of women is an epidemic. I've never met a woman that raped a fully grown man but met a ton of women that were raped by men. Have met quite a few women that were molested by women though when they were young.

Sadly even RAINN focuses mostly on the women when I read their website in the last year. It may have changed. No offense to James Landrith but that's what I saw.

RAINN and others is why I look at resources for women with regards to my CSA in the past. Even with MS's site, men get the short end of the stick with regards to CSA resources. I have yet to meet or see a therapist in Northwest Florida that even deals with it. One I personally had didn't even think CSA was a big deal for men.

Honestly, the psychiatrists I had cared more about male CSA than any of the therapists I had. They even said treatment for male survivors was a total joke. They knew shrinks and therapists that gave male CSA lip service.

Oprah had that show about male CSA and one huge thing I noticed about it: 99% of the guys on the show had access to the best care for male CSA and lots of support from wives and family. Most of the guys I've known that had CSA had almost no access to care for it and almost no support from anyone. We openly joked that the psychotherapy profession is a total joke to us. A woman would talk in those hospital groups and the professionals would be visibly shaken by their stories. When a guy talked about his male CSA, it got stoic expressions.

Until society's opinion changes, female rape victims will get the lionshare of support. Follow the money, that's where it goes even at RAINN. Male CSA victims and male rape victims are stigmatized even by the profession that is supposed to give a damn in the first place. That's the huge problem to be solved first.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#384922 - 02/08/12 02:01 PM Re: Yes, Men Can Stop Rape (But Why Stop There?) [Re: phoenix321]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
There's indeed lots of work to be done and I truly hope that it will change in the future. When I was looking for resources on help for my husband, it was the first time I noticed how most help is directed at women.

Don't know if you read it in the news, but the FBI has finally changed the definition of rape. Previously, according to the FBI's definition only women could be raped (and only vaginally). It excluded any kind of rape that is not vaginal penetration, men, transgender, etc.
Maybe this is one step towards getting better statistics!


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