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#384799 - 02/07/12 08:57 PM He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone.
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Today my sweetheart, the love of my life died by suicide.

Thank you for having been here, for having supported me and him through me as I tried to support him to and through recovery.


Top
#384800 - 02/07/12 09:04 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Oh nooooooooooooooooo!

Eyes, I'm so sorry. Oh dear God. So, so sorry. Sweetheart, what can I say?

I'm holding you tightly. Please lean on me/us.

Prayerfully,
herowannabe

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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#384801 - 02/07/12 09:05 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: herowannabe]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Do you feel like typing about it? Do you need to talk? I will give you my cell number in a PM, if you like.

I'll do anything to help you.

I'm just dying for you right now.....

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


Top
#384802 - 02/07/12 09:11 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: herowannabe]
Dar Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/15/11
Posts: 170
Loc: Missouri
My heart is crying for you Eyes. I am so very sorry.

Our prayers will be for you.

_________________________
All I ever wanted was a hug.

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#384805 - 02/07/12 09:31 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Dar]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
Eyes I am soo sorry. My words cannot express my sorrow for you. I wish I could give you a hug right now.


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#384816 - 02/07/12 10:17 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Gretta]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Eyesforward. I am so sorry. I know I can't sa anything but tis heartfelt ((((eyesforward)))) is for you.

You have been such an example of love and strength to your husband. Now, let us do the same for you. If anyone tells you to be strong, smack them for me. You need to receive the love and mercy you so freely gave him.

With brotherl love,

Jim

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#384821 - 02/07/12 10:35 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Jim1104]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 99
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
Eyes,

I'm so, so sorry. I just can't find the words right now. I hope your friends and family are there to give you the love and support you need right now. If you need to talk to someone or if there's anything I can do, please feel free to send a PM.

Rob

_________________________
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

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#384835 - 02/08/12 12:54 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: ShortedDiode]
NewSummer Offline


Registered: 09/01/11
Posts: 59
Loc: Surrey BC
((((eyesforward))))

_________________________
life is what happens while you make other plans- John Lennon

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#384837 - 02/08/12 01:37 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: NewSummer]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Eyes, I'm so very sorry.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I’ll never see

It may sound absurd...but don’t be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won’t you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It’s not easy to be me

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#384843 - 02/08/12 04:31 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
newground Offline
Chatroom Moderator
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 10/11/11
Posts: 761
Loc: michigan
I am so so so sorry
jeff

_________________________
Towards thee I roll, thou all-destroying but unconquering whale; to the last I grapple with thee; from hell's heart I stab at thee; for hate's sake I spit my last breath at thee. let me then tow to pieces, while still chasing thee, thou damned whale! Thus, I give up the spear!"
Herman Melville

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#384845 - 02/08/12 05:09 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: newground]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Thank you all again for your prayers, kind thoughts and condolences. Friends and family know the path I've walked and survivors know his pain. And Jim, thanks for making me smile; I will give the "stay strong" peeps a smack -- just for you!

Friends and family have been great, several offering to spend the night with me. I wanted to be alone just to feel what I'm feeling so I've been doing that. His mom and dad are in shock and we'll spend much of today together.

The world lost a really good man. I miss him.


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#384847 - 02/08/12 05:42 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
Anniemy4sons Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
I'm so very sorry. This is our worst nightmare come true for you. Everyone of us has been faced with this possibility and I don't have the words to tell you how sorry I am.
We are still here for you, please don't go anywhere. We are still here for you.

God bless and I will pray for you all. I promise.

We will be waiting for you.

Anne

_________________________
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day. http://www.comepraytherosary.org/

I BELIEVE IN HER PROMISE.

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#384857 - 02/08/12 07:02 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: eyesforward
Today my sweetheart, the love of my life died by suicide.

Thank you for having been here, for having supported me and him through me as I tried to support him to and through recovery.


I'm so sorry. (((((eyesforward))))

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#384859 - 02/08/12 07:26 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: eyesforward
I miss him.


sending deepest sympathy, eyesforward.

bon courage.

_________________________
Jeff

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#384866 - 02/08/12 08:09 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: westchesterguy]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1660
My heart goes out to you. You were an inspiration. You gave support and unconditionally of yourself. You were an example of a wonderful, caring and compassionate person who was there for your husband. You and the family are in my thoughts and prayers.


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#384868 - 02/08/12 08:54 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: KMCINVA]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 730
Loc: NJ
I'm sorry for your terrible loss.....be gentle on yourself in the coming time, and please speak with T to help you through this traumatic tragedy.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#384871 - 02/08/12 09:12 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Castle]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 363
Eyes,

I am so sorry for your loss. There is nothing I can say that sounds like the right thing.

I just said a prayer for you.

PM if you need to talk.

Again, so, so sorry.


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#384915 - 02/08/12 01:26 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: newground]
Shawushka Offline


Registered: 01/05/11
Posts: 128
Loc: VA
oh no. (((eyesforward)))
I can't find words that my ease your pain, don't know what to say, but I feel your pain.


Top
#384927 - 02/08/12 02:22 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Shawushka]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
I know that when the flashbacks and memories were coming fast and furious my husband on more than one occaion said he just couldn't take it anymore. I have witnessed the pain that CSA carries firsthand and its terrifying. So I hope if there are any survivors reading this that are still considering suicide to please please consider your options.

There are so many people here who would be willing to talk to you and that their is light at the end of the tunnel. My husband still has memories here and there but not like he use to and well... please just don't give up.

Eyes I am sorry for your broken heart.


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#384939 - 02/08/12 03:55 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: newground]
misscrespo Offline


Registered: 12/15/10
Posts: 45
I am so, so, very sorry for your loss. I really feel for you, please let us know how you're getting on.
LOVE N PEACE


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#384943 - 02/08/12 04:32 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: misscrespo]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
I am so very sorry ((eyesforward)). This is absolutely devastating news....

Suicide is a unique pain - I've been through it with my best friend, and when I look back on it almost 9 years later, I think the toughest part in coming to terms with the weird mix of feelings - anger, regret, frustration, sadness - was that I was so very alone with it. Please feel free to PM me if you want...

eric

_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#384945 - 02/08/12 04:46 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Chase Eric]
mmfan Offline


Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 114
I am so sorry, I am without words.
My thoughts are with you.


Top
#384950 - 02/08/12 06:08 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: mmfan]
mcl1982 Offline


Registered: 01/09/12
Posts: 44
Loc: IL
I don't know what to say. I know nothing I say can take your pain away. I'm deeply sorry for you. I've been in that place myself. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. Again I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you find strength in days to come. I'll be praying for you.


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#384960 - 02/08/12 07:32 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: mcl1982]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
wrong reply



Edited by nltsaved (02/08/12 07:33 PM)
_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

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#384961 - 02/08/12 07:33 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
nltsaved Offline


Registered: 08/26/08
Posts: 849
Loc: Kc,Mo
There are no words that can take the pain away from you . I am so so sorry for your loss this truly is something that some can never get over . My friend took his life because of the abuse that we both suffered from the same person so this is very personal to me . I will lift you up in my prayers . I know you have had to be strong through this whole process and well now i guess strong takes on a whole new meaning .

Lord God i know we can not understand everything you place before us but your word says you will never put on us more than we can bare and i know right now it may feel like this may be to much so i am asking and praying that her faith not fail and that she will find comfort in your word , and for her to be wrapped in your arms of love in your arms of mercy . I lift her up to you right now and ask that you would walk with her through this whole process. Give her the strength that she will need to endure this .I ask that you would let her know that there are those who care and there are those who feel her pain and that she is not alone. Lord I ask right now that you would enable her to see through all the hurt and pain and sorrow and be able to remember the good times she has had and remember that it takes a special someone to be with another that comes with the baggage of abuse . That this was no way her fault and that she did all she could have done just by being with him and that this alone speaks volumes . So bless her in a special way and comfort her.
I ask these things in the name of our LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST
AMEN

_________________________
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n-uYCAfpxrY
TRIGGER WARNING
Video of me telling my story
you are not alone never were
WRITTEN FORM
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=339159#Post339159
Why i hate Religion but love Jesus
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1IAhDGYlpqY

Top
#384963 - 02/08/12 07:35 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
Quote:
Lord God i know we can not understand everything you place before us but your word says you will never put on us more than we can bare and i know right now it may feel like this may be to much so i am asking and praying that her faith not fail and that she will find comfort in your word , and for her to be wrapped in your arms of love in your arms of mercy . I lift her up to you right now and ask that you would walk with her through this whole process. Give her the strength that she will need to endure this .I ask that you would let her know that there are those who care and there are those who feel her pain and that she is not alone. Lord I ask right now that you would enable her to see through all the hurt and pain and sorrow and be able to remember the good times she has had and remember that it takes a special someone to be with another that comes with the baggage of abuse . That this was no way her fault and that she did all she could have done just by being with him and that this alone speaks volumes . So bless her in a special way and comfort her.
I ask these things in the name of our LORD AND SAVIOR JESUS CHRIST
AMEN


Amen. (Thank you for offering prayer!)

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


Top
#384964 - 02/08/12 07:38 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: newground]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2578
I'm sorry I have no words for you. I know there really aren't any that will help.

But I grieve for you and for him. I have real tears for you and the pain you're in right now.


Top
#384972 - 02/08/12 08:32 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: JustScott]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Oh, I'm so sorry Eyesforward.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#384985 - 02/08/12 09:31 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: LandOfShadow]
Jim1104 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/16/11
Posts: 410
Loc: Louisiana, USA
Amen NLT.

_________________________
Jim
Male/USA

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#384989 - 02/08/12 09:51 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Jim1104]
Tyler845 Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 276
Loc: U.S.A.
I'm so sorry to hear about your hurt. Prayers for your comfort.

_________________________
Most Often, The Child Inside Has Better Access To Execute The Flawless Potential Of Self.

Over-Ride Emotional Conflict With Rational Truths

You Are Freer Than You Think - Paul Berteaux

Come unto Me, all ye that Labor, and are Heavy-ladened. I will give you Rest -Jesus Christ

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#384993 - 02/08/12 10:24 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: newground]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6446
Loc: Right Here!
I am sorry I just saw this now. I am flat-out devastated. I wish I could have done something. I wish....OH!!! GOD!!!

I am slain!

I'm so sorry.

_________________________
Straight to DVD - again

The Aftermath Video

Fun With Terror !

Top
#384998 - 02/08/12 11:08 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Still]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1204
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:09 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

Top
#385000 - 02/08/12 11:37 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: lapchinj]
InsideTheWall Offline


Registered: 01/10/09
Posts: 281
...


Top
#385006 - 02/09/12 12:37 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: InsideTheWall]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1356
I'm so torn about this, Eyesforward. We haven't engaged much before on these boards, and I didn't know your husband. I posted something earlier in this thread - feeling shocked, insulated. I wanted to add something more...

It was a long journey for me. When my best friend killed himself, he visited me in a dream a few nights later - and I woke up while the dream was still vivid, sat down and wrote this essentially unedited piece - just raw feelings and dream fragments.

I can't offer much, but I can at least share...

_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

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#385023 - 02/09/12 07:03 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Chase Eric]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
I have read each and every post. Each and every one touched me. Thank you.

I'm seeing that other survivors feel this very deeply. I'm profoundly grateful for your willingness to witness my loss at the cost of re-presencing your pain.

I will respond individually later. Right now I'm gutted.


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#385027 - 02/09/12 08:48 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
((((Eyesforward))))

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


Top
#385040 - 02/09/12 10:23 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: herowannabe]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6446
Loc: Right Here!
There are days. There are days that stop me in my tracks; Days that leave me in breathless shock.

I rattle-on down these tracks of CSA pain, CSA healing, my street-fights with public policy. The days of endless flow and rattling along those tracks…they eventually bring me to a point where I notice the terrain less and less. And then, there are the days that stop me absolutely.

I’ll tell you this Eyes. I am just one soldier in this war against sexual abuse of children, but I’m trying to take the entire enemy camp. Nothing will motivate me more than this. I will drone-on no more. I will back-off for no resistance, I will never be satisfied until there are no more children being hurt with impunity.

_________________________
Straight to DVD - again

The Aftermath Video

Fun With Terror !

Top
#385045 - 02/09/12 11:06 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Still]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
eyesforward,

I am so sorry for your loss. Words can only express, my true sorrow for the loss you are experiencing.

I have prayed and will continue to pray for strength and resolve for you.

This kind of departure is truly unique. You have lots of love and support sent your way. I have felt the pain of loosing someone close.

I am deeply moved....

Peace,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#385051 - 02/09/12 01:05 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: eyesforward]
Sobernow Offline


Registered: 05/17/10
Posts: 256
Loc: Oklahoma
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your mate.

It is difficult for me to express the pain I feel in my heart for you. All I want to do is to cry.

The place he was in with his pain - is a place I have been in several times in my life.

Please know that guys on this site - do care.


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#385060 - 02/09/12 03:19 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Sobernow]
ACRoberts Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/10
Posts: 242
Loc: New Jersey (recently moved fro...
Eyes,
I am without words. I am so, so sorry. I am being bold by saying that we share your pain of loss as we have also lost a brother. Please know that this community is holding you close to their hearts. I will pray for all of you.

_________________________
Allan
________________________
WOR Sequoia 2011--it has changed my life!

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#385061 - 02/09/12 03:27 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Sobernow]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Eyesforward

I'm sorry for your pain, and I applaud your courage, courage for supporting him, courage for being honest here, and I pray that this courage will carry you through the next years.

Peace fellow survivor, peace, but at what cost. Rest in peace brother.

"The bitterest tears shed over graves
are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone."


-Harriet Beecher Stowe

Martin

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#385063 - 02/09/12 04:14 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: nltsaved]
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
I am so sorry.

We lose so many frown

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#385066 - 02/09/12 06:40 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: MrEdd]
Shaun The Sheep Offline


Registered: 03/17/10
Posts: 188
Loc: West Coast
Please accept my sincere condolences. I didn't know him but I believe you when you say that he meant the world to you. I'm so terribly sorry for your loss.


Top
#385099 - 02/09/12 11:15 PM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: KMCINVA]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
eyesforward-I am so sorry.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

“It doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#385115 - 02/10/12 12:38 AM Re: He couldn't take it anymore ... he's gone. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Daniel_forgotten Offline


Registered: 02/07/09
Posts: 479
I'm very sorry. I wish you well in this path you have ahead of you now. Know that we will be always here if you need us.


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