I've been down the therapy road before; last time 4 years of it. Thinking about starting again - gonna talk to a guy this week. The more I hear about hitting bottom - any definition - the scarier this whole thing gets.

I think "hitting bottom" is a myth we can do without.
Like "God won't give you anything you can't handle."
And "What doesn't kill you makes you stonger."
ALL BS for people who want to help but don't know what to say.

It's a lie... I love John Mayer's song, *No Such Thing*
especially the lines:

**I wanna run through the halls of my high school
I wanna scream at the
Top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a LIE you've got to rise above...

They love to tell you
Stay inside the lines
But something's better
On the other side...

I am invincible (x3)
As long as I'm alive**

Cheers!
Lee

a myth ... interesting thought. does that mean there is no "bottom" and I could be falling the rest of my life?

my thoughts regarding "God won't give you anything you can't handle" - people often will leave off the second half of that>

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SORRY! What i meant was it's a myth that "You have to hit bottom before you can get help"!

I think you can start anywhere if you want to and are willing to work at it. Maybe you will end up digging a little deeper when the time is right but that is totally different from an endless free fall.

Right about that quote - being incomplete - providing a way of escape - but if my memory is right, it is talking about dealing with temptation - not trauma and pain and hard times in general. But still a good encouragement when taken in context.

Hang in there! You are going to make it! to paraphrase a famous movie line:
"I have a very GOOD feeling about this..."

Prevail! (my new favorite word)
Lee

Hi Mark,

Interesting discussion. As I've been thinking about it, the idea of hitting bottom is itself kind of strange. I'm guessing the bottom really was the abuse, then there's all the years of dealing with it. Right now I'm seeing it as images from The Birds, lots of crows pecking and pecking and pecking.

At that point we're on the upswing, as awful as the upswing may be. And we have incredible endurance. In a way the final moment for me (for lack of a better phrase) is when something happens, and the endurance hardens into a kind of teflon that makes the birds bounce off. If that makes sense.

I think the root of the transformation is (for me) forgiveness and love. I was writing in my journal the other day that to cure myself of whining and despair, I have to love myself and hug myself and use this mantra (from Jack Kornfield). I do it when I'm really sad in bed. I hug myself and say: Let me be filled with lovingkindness. Let me be well. Let me lie peaceful and serene. Let me be whole.

Danny

i guess that works when you believe you deserve it?

Similarly, my therapist told me to write down three things I wanted. For the first time in my life, I was asking myself what I wanted! It took a month of consideration but finally I came up with 1) a family, 2) a home and 3) serenity. It took a few years but I got all three. And now, when I get frightened or worried, I look at what I have and I find comfort and peace.

MarkK,

You are awesome!!! Getting this far on your journey is a great accomplishment. I can sense it as I read what you write. I believe in you.

I hope you find the awesomeness for which I believe you are alive for.

Your experience is very unique to you.

Peace,
Avery

There are many ways i get the guts to change course.

- Hitting a wall
-Hitting bottom
-Hitting a speed bump
-Driving my life into the ditch
-Getting hit across the head with a 2 x 4

In recovery I learn how to integrate life skills into my daily living.

-listening to the still qiuiet voice within
-journalling about my fears and failures
-asking for help

Those are LOTS easier than the painful things the world tries to get my attention with. I choose to take the easier (although difficult for a man with my background) path towards a better day and a better life.