you said so many brilliant and poignant things, it was difficult to condense it, but i tried to boil it down to the best essentials.
Lets face it we are men, and sex is very important. We think about is a lot. It's part of being male.
I think SSA and gay are labels, imprinting because of abuse? pavlovian responses? maybe. But at the end of the day call it what you want, its part of who we are now. We can repress it, exorcise it, ignore it, embrace it, it's a personal choice.
We would all agree that we are looking for a balance and some peace in our lives. I agree with Castle , it is a quest for intimacy , genuine feelings, and real relationships.
The world is not black and white, it's a spectrum upon which we fall within one end or the other or somewhere in the middle.
The important thing is who we are as a person. Our ability to relate to others, to love , to trust, to laugh, to be confident about our place in the world.
thank you for putting it out there.