Newest Members
Anony_mous, Drew6991x, Miro, jj843, The Abyss
12364 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Bear (42), BoyNoMore (56), Daniel_05 (40), James Landrith (44), john kay (41)
Who's Online
5 registered (5 invisible), 18 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12364 Members
74 Forums
63543 Topics
443971 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 16 of 24 < 1 2 ... 14 15 16 17 18 ... 23 24 >
Topic Options
#382517 - 01/16/12 07:16 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
It gets better when you look for the positives in what you have accomplished, and what you you can accomplished, and not become all consumed by the hurt.

The hurt, and the predictable side effects are real. But so are the good things in life.

There is a time and place to vent, and a time to count your winnings too.

Ask yourself if you have that balance. If you do not you risk getting stuck in your personal recovery.

I don't own this idea one bit guys. This one comes from the collective thoughts of a few guys here I dearly value who along with me know they are healing.

They range in age from 20-50, and live in places like NYC, Mexico, Boston and Canada. Though our abuse as boys brought us together, its our common demand that it does get better that makes us close.

If you post this week think about if there is something good you can share with us all. Man we all love to hear of the wins!

Cheers gents.....keep seeing that it does get better!


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#383019 - 01/21/12 11:21 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
peroperic2009 Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/09/11
Posts: 3607
Loc: South-East Europe
It gets better: this morning ray of light greeted me from blue sky
It gets better: today my face was covered with full smile
It gets better: last night Iíve met friends didnít see for a while
It gets better: it is needed to stay positive from time to time...
It gets better because we were lost and now we know who we are
It gets better because we have this post by kb eighth seven one and five smile!

Pero

_________________________
My story

Top
#383047 - 01/21/12 07:48 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: peroperic2009]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1648
I guess it does. Good days bad days good nights and bad nights. The bad is hard tough to rebound. You see and feel the abuse, you shiver when the thoughts race through your mind. I see the priest who abused me as s child and others who tormented until the memories long buried destroyed. All these people I loved but now I am lost. Trying to rebuild. I have fears that keep me away. Still in office, fearing flashbacks, taunts, loneliness, and being treated like an outcast. I do not know anymore. Last night has me on edge sad and does it get better I may never know. Keep well everyone and thank you


Top
#383160 - 01/22/12 08:23 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: KMCINVA]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Thanks Kevin, thanks Pero. Thanks to all of you who take the time to read my thoughts.

As always I wish none of us had to be here, and am thankful to so many here who help me see it does get better.

You have to see we were all good kids, and we are good men. Yea we have unique scars but they don't have to hold any of us back.

There is just too much good around us to enjoy. My feelings about this aren't unique, I can look around me at peers throughout MS who help me find these words through their recovery and through their support in mine.

Though our hurt at times caused many of us to isolate, I have found it was really trusting a few very good men here that has helped me see it does get better.

I'm just like the rest of you here at MS, truly I am. And for the pain I may feel at time I also am blessed.

40,000 reads huh? I hope it got better for you all....

Be well.

Keith


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#383225 - 01/23/12 10:04 AM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
dover2011 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 39
Loc: AR
I am now into my first year of trying to recover from my sexual abuse. I was albe one year ago to open up about my sexual abuse to my pastoer. This was after 30 years of keeping it all locked up inside me. Which has caused many issues in my like two marrige that did not wok out. I am now on my 3rd marrige. I have had issues with intermicy, anger, the fact I no longer want to have sex at all, quit, shame, blame, low self esteam, fear, anger lot of it, depresstion, not able to show affection at all and when my wife dose I pull away why? why?. So for me recover has been very hard, in some ways I am better and in other ways I am not better. I see my T all most every week, I try to attend a support group from time to time. We do not have any program to help male from sexual abuse at all here in Arkansas. I am starting my own support group with my T. It is going very slow. I went to recovery weekend, last may it was very helpful in many ways, but it made it even harder on me, it brought a great deal of issues to the surface, I find it hard to tell my wife what is truly going on with me. She just dose not understand. She tend to feel it is that I am not attracted to her. See she has issues from her past as well, she was married to a drug addact. We never set up boundried at all. She has let her self get over weight and just dose not want to work on it. After three years. I also am going through many health issues which may cause me to have to give up my career. I want to find a program where I can go and get help. A 28 day program, I just can get help here any where, need it or my marrige will not last. See I laied to my wife at frist about my past, till she drilled me after hear from a old friend of mine about my past, she broke me down. I also told her my frist wife passed away from cancer, I did not want her to know I cheated on her and walk out on a six month old son. I also told her my mom was dead. See I had not talked to my mom for over 30 years. She abused me as well, my dad passed away when I was three years old. Then I wnet through two years of her checking up on me, reading my email, checking my cell phone, checking my face book, checking my mail, I had to put pass code on all my stuff, to stop her from doing this. She tell me I do not do this any more. Which she dose not, put it is because I have made it hard on her to mistreat me by over steping the boundies. I also told her I will not put up with it. I also told her back in may I love her and not in love with her, I told her I love her as much as I can love anyone, I do not know what love is. I also said I married her to give my kids a better life, she took it the wrong way, she through I married her just to make shore my kids had a place to live, see I was a singal dad for 9 years. I married her to have a better life as a family. What to do? What to do ?


Top
#383856 - 01/30/12 01:18 PM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: dover2011]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Proof it gets better is all around us at MS if you look.

So many men I have come to value here are healing.

2 of us from MS met up at a 3rd guys house this Saturday and laughed watching him and his awesome wife and kids have a great time. Castle is a guy who grabbed me up day one and showed me it was gonna be ok. He's right. He lacks my swagger but he's right.

My buddy here with twins makes me smile everytime he shares a new fam pic. It sure keeps getting better for him I remind him.

There are 2 guys here my own son's age who make sure I'm sane every day. They know I'm not but they tell me otherwise! It means a lot to have made such true & loyal friends here. And there is nothing on earth more rewarding than seeing a young man kick the living shit out of CSA and recover.

Get some positive support and get going guys. All of us can heal, all of us can find reasons to be happy and enjoy life.

Best to us all.....


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
#383859 - 01/30/12 02:59 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1648
Well good positive support is what you need to get through this--I am learning this first hand. I have lived and remember those that make you feel trapped and violated by infringing on your privacy will not only worsen the feelings from the abuse and its effects but will also slow down the healing process. Your wife seems to be accepting it is not acceptable to spy.

Find people who value you and treat you with respect and support what you are enduring. Laugh and joke with your supporters. Laughter helps, enjoy the victories in the healing process.

Keep looking forward and remember the children and get the better life you want.


Top
#383862 - 01/30/12 03:21 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: kb8715]
gjonbos Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/11
Posts: 48
Loc: MA
smile

_________________________
"Place your past into a book
Put in everything you ever took
Place your past into a book
Burn the pages let them cook"

Top
#383864 - 01/30/12 03:44 PM Re: IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: gjonbos]
Bradley P Offline


Registered: 11/03/10
Posts: 44
Loc: AR
dover, i wish there was one in AR. I have gone to a CR group for men (sexual abuse) but it didn't last long.

_________________________
"Life is for living, we all know...but I don't want to live it alone"-Chris Martin (Coldplay)

Top
#383917 - 01/31/12 06:35 AM IT DOES GET BETTER [Re: Bradley P]
kb8715 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 808
Hey Kevin, yeah I have a great wife, and she would tell you she has a great husband. But we are not perfect, and not without various scars life is going to leave on any of us.

That's always my point. CSA hurt me, but it does not define me, my marriage, my kids, my friends, my life.

Any and all abuse is horrible. But what if we live to be 100? Should that one disticnt part of life always cloud all we are?

F*ck no!

The few men here I am really and truly close to agree. We push each other praise each other protect each daily. We are Dads husbands, boyfriends, brothers, son, execs, and college students.

We have nothing in common and could could not be closer.

We are men successfully overcoming CSA together and finding good cause to smile.

Heal well all......


_________________________
"You can get far in life by pushing except through a door marked PULL...." Profile quote in my oldest son's senior year HS Yearbook.

Top
Page 16 of 24 < 1 2 ... 14 15 16 17 18 ... 23 24 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, TJ jeff 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.