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#383791 - 01/29/12 05:16 PM coming clean
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
After are few days of this post being in the "gay/bi/trans" forum section, I believe posting in this forum is as important.

This post is about what I have experienced. This post is about the sexual confusion. I have posted on here at MS about being gay. I have to admit being very confused about my sexuality. I have been living as a gay man until about 2 years ago so, for 20 years I have lived as a gay man. The gay sex for which I sought out was very abusive, anonymous and very unconnected.

I was married at one time - I have been divorced for 21 years. I had a very wonderful wife. I was unfaithful to her by being sexual with men. I was very frighted to tell her about the abuse. She asked me if I was gay. It was easier to tell her I was gay than to tell her of the abuse. I was NOT prepared to have her tell me to get out of the house.

I have to admit I think about the abuse and its affects on me. It has been a struggle within my mind, body and spirit as I have been processing what has happened to me. I have thought and believe the abuse, and the fear about telling others of the abuse caused me to "come out" as being gay.

I believe my authentic self is very much attracted to women. I had an inappropriate relationship with my mother. I believe this inappropriate relationship caused me to loath women.

I loved the males in my life when I was a kid/teenager as they kept me away from my mom. They also made me "feel" good. It is this loathing women and liking the attention of men for which I "felt" drawn to live with only men even if that ment as a gay man.

I want to be very clear about this post. I am writing about MY experience. I am "NOT" judging anyone. This post is "NOT" a debate about the choice of being gay or being straight. I am "NOT" saying being gay is wrong.

Sincerely,
Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#383819 - 01/30/12 12:19 AM Re: coming clean [Re: Avery46]
ALIVE 3n1 Offline


Registered: 12/24/11
Posts: 76
Loc: Throne Room of God
I think I understand what you are saying.

The manifestations of trauma and the mind in dealing with it. Now that you are dealing with the primary areas of trauma, the secondary issues that you were drawing security from are not providing the same level of perceived stability.

I suppose the further along the path of "wellness" you progress, the more the "real" you will come forward. I would not necessarily be concerned with leaving an identity behind if it was holding me back in the healing process. You are the only one who is going to be able to come to that conclusion.


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#383865 - 01/30/12 03:49 PM Re: coming clean [Re: ALIVE 3n1]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: ALIVE 3n1
...The manifestations of trauma and the mind in dealing with it. Now that you are dealing with the primary areas of trauma, the secondary issues that you were drawing security from are not providing the same level of perceived stability.

I suppose the further along the path of "wellness" you progress, the more the "real" you will come forward. I would not necessarily be concerned with leaving an identity behind if it was holding me back in the healing process. You are the only one who is going to be able to come to that conclusion.


Alive,

Thank you. Your reply is a very thoughtful and caring reply. I so appreciate your reply.

Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#383869 - 01/30/12 04:41 PM Re: coming clean [Re: Avery46]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
Hi Avery
It is very common for men that have been exposed to sex at a young age to have a sexual identity crisis.
Often it can take years of therapy to find out what it is that you want. So really there is no easy answer to all these questions.

The main point is this. Are you happy in the relationships that you are having. If you are happy then there is no need to explore this question. The fact that you are questioning, well that means there is some doubt, and in order to resolve the doubt you need to look into this with a competent T.
I often say that the best thing to do is to not label yourself, I am happy needs to be the only label. I enjoy where I am and what I am doing is what is important here.
Mike Lew has a chapter in his book victims no longer on boys abused by a woman, and the theory is that a boy who is abused by an older woman and he didn't enjoy it believes that he is Gay, and this is because society tells us that if you are abused as a boy by an older woman that you are lucky and have learnt a valuable life lesson, or that you have scored. (Chapter 4 In Victims no longer) Its not to comprehensive but it is something to read.
I hope this helps you a little in this confusing situation.

Heal well
Martin

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Matrix Men South Africa
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