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#383669 - 01/27/12 08:52 PM komisarjevsky's death sentence
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
time and time again i ask when our society will understand two things:

1) there are no winners in the sexual abuse of a boy, and

2) don't come crying to me when a boy who was sexually abused grows up and lashes out at taxapyer's expense. consider yourself lucky i didn't turn my teenaged anger out on to the streets of LA... like so many do today.

this isn't about revenge, though. it is simply the mathematics of the brain. kick a dog and ye shall bite; slap a child he will curse you; penetrate him and he'll do more when he gains courage and learns how to use a weapon.

so today joshua komisarjevsky, who claims he was sexually abused as a boy, was sentenced to death for a home invasion that ended in the death of three others.

there are many home invasions in this country -- every day as a matter of fact. well, after all we love our violence don't we? it is safer, cheaper and easier to glorify our violent ways on reality t.v. than repair them in real life... and we love making excuses for it in the name of god, guns, and glory.

interestingly enough...in this particular case, my gut tells me to believe this guy's story.

i don't know why, it is just something i feel. and maybe i want him to be telling the truth, maybe i want to know that as horrible as his childhood abuse was -- he really did not, as an adult, in this case, sexually assault others and burn them alive.

yes, i could be wrong. but, i believe he played the victim in that house that burnt down as ordered by the mastermind steven hayes -- and joshua knew no better in his subservient role. essentially it was a fetish run amok.

but in the end - no winners.
in the end - many regrets.

in the end - i wonder if joshua could have been saved if only another guy had taken his hand in support early on.

in the end, it is my firm belief, that this same society that permitted the abuse of a young joshua to go unchecked was also in part to blame for killing that family. joshua is silenced; he'll be put to death, and all in CT who know best how to describe him -- as the evil one -- they too can rest peacefully knowing the jury awarded their guilt a reprieve.

no excuses. for anyone.

_________________________
Jeff

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#383671 - 01/27/12 09:00 PM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: westchesterguy]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
The reality is that Joshua is getting the justice he deserves for so cruelly and viciously ending the lives of 3 innocent people. Whether he was sexually abused as a child is irrelevant in my opinion since there are many, many survivors of childhood sexual abuse who go on to lead productive, non-violent lives. Just as there are those who suffered no childhood abuse and they don't commit heinous crimes such as his. His playing the CSA card is a cop out and an affront to every CSA survivor who has pulled himself together through life and got on as best he could.

_________________________
Eddie

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#383672 - 01/27/12 09:19 PM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: EGL]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: EGL
....an affront to every CSA survivor who has pulled himself together through life and got on as best he could.


don't include me in that conclusion, please. i do not measure people by how things ought to be. i learned 33 years ago that we ought not be raped.

there have been many of life's myths busted for me since that time. and i'm sure there will be more.

_________________________
Jeff

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#383673 - 01/27/12 09:23 PM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: westchesterguy]
EGL Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 06/19/04
Posts: 7821
Originally Posted By: westchesterguy
Originally Posted By: EGL
....an affront to every CSA survivor who has pulled himself together through life and got on as best he could.


don't include me in that conclusion, please. i do not measure people by how things ought to be. i learned 33 years ago that we ought not be raped.

there have been many of life's myths busted for me since that time. and i'm sure there will be more.


I wasn't, sorry if it came across that way. I just get really chagrined when criminals do such horrible, heinous things and then try to excuse it away somehow. At some point, they need to take personal responsibility for their actions and the lives they've wrecked.

_________________________
Eddie

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#383677 - 01/27/12 09:50 PM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: EGL]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: EGL
...... when criminals do such horrible, heinous things and then try to excuse it away somehow. At some point, they need to take personal responsibility for their actions and the lives they've wrecked.


i do not disagree.

putting it another way, to prevent what happened in CT and elsewhere in future -- the onus is on the victim to take responsibility, be stronger than the pedophile, and not carry on a cycle of violence. i think its a great societal goal.

_________________________
Jeff

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#383692 - 01/28/12 12:46 AM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: EGL]
MrEdd Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/24/03
Posts: 317
Loc: Texas
Originally Posted By: EGL
The reality is that Joshua is getting the justice he deserves for so cruelly and viciously ending the lives of 3 innocent people. Whether he was sexually abused as a child is irrelevant in my opinion since there are many, many survivors of childhood sexual abuse who go on to lead productive, non-violent lives. Just as there are those who suffered no childhood abuse and they don't commit heinous crimes such as his. His playing the CSA card is a cop out and an affront to every CSA survivor who has pulled himself together through life and got on as best he could.


+1

_________________________
Some Things are not problems to be solved, rather, they are facts which must be coped with over time.

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#384020 - 02/01/12 04:20 AM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: MrEdd]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
I hope we can all use Joshua as an example for why it is so important for CSA survivors to get help. I know in my life I have had many times when I have wanted to lash out in rage but by some miricle I was able to stay in control.


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#384129 - 02/02/12 11:56 AM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: mike13]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
That's the way I see it too Jeff.

Read "Violence: A National Epidemic" by the psychiatrist James Gilligan if you want proof. He goes into all the mental/psychological processes of victim to perpetrator. (Hint: it's a lot about shame)

We've tried the vengeance/justice response to crime and violence for thousands of years. It doesn't work. It's not working. We lock up more people in the US that any other country. And we're the most violent.

An eye for an eye leaves the world blind, and we seem to just be more and more blind to the abuse of boys. The violation of punishment reinforces the violence of society. Doesn't it strike you as rather disfunctional that sexual violence is so hated in society, but we almost encourage it in prisons? "Put him in a cell with the worst and let him get what he deserves." You hear it all the time.

No excuses.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#384258 - 02/03/12 05:33 PM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: LandOfShadow]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: LandOfShadow
That's the way I see it too Jeff.


thanks landofshadow.

you know, what you said is interesting. when i read what people type on message boards (including comments for this guy in the press last week) and for other criminals --the teacher in la this week too for example-- people clearly think they know "he'll get his in the rear in prison."

as if that is - i don't know, some kind of justice or some kind of weapon of mass destruction. it solves nothing. prison is "after the fact" the tremendous work, the real work is "now" and "in the present day." prevention, collectively, ensuring our boys are safe. making sure the "joshuas" of 2012 are pulled aside and helped and that their abusers are removed from society.

my great issue with this culture today remains exactly what i said at the top. fuck a boy he'll fuck you back. it is that crude and simple. it is that costly to society. it is that rudimentary. and anyone who disagrees, in my view, is simply smoking dope.

a little secret behind the prison wall. i do not think this kid, joshua, will be harmed in prison awaiting his lethal injection. that la teacher though? ha. male survivors in prison unite. they don't discuss it on message boards, but they act out revenge while "the law" turns the other cheek. i am firmly convinced at this stage in life that the so called '99%' the press talks about for class divide... can be applied to violent criminals too. 99 out 100 violent criminals in prison today are male survivors in my view. that 1%, the pedophiles, took the first steps to help them get there.

_________________________
Jeff

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#384303 - 02/04/12 10:14 AM Re: komisarjevsky's death sentence [Re: westchesterguy]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: westchesterguy

it solves nothing. prison is "after the fact" the tremendous work, the real work is "now" and "in the present day." prevention, collectively, ensuring our boys are safe.


I think this is a very important insight. It's key to ever changing our situation with prevalent child abuse and continuing cycles of violence.

It seems obvious to me, and I say it often, but it doesn't matter one bit what we do to punish sex offenders with respect to reducing child sexual abuse. People think we're doing something to protect kids by dealing with Jerry Sandusky harshly. Doesn't matter.

It's like sweeping up after a car crash at an intersection. Sure, it's a nice thing to do, but I think we need to talk about a stop sign or something. We never seem to do that.

Originally Posted By: westchesterguy

i am firmly convinced at this stage in life that the so called '99%' the press talks about for class divide... can be applied to violent criminals too. 99 out 100 violent criminals in prison today are male survivors in my view.


James Gilligan says this at length and attempts to prove it. I think you'd love that book like I do.

I'm quite moved to hear you say this. This is such a valuable lesson that I think male survivors have to offer society. It's just a huge, huge piece of making a better world, and yet, so, so many forces act to silence us. Blame us. Stigmatize us. Marginalize us. Attack us. And the violence goes on unchecked.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
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