Here are some of my past issues and the thoughts about the links to the abuse:
1. I would get very jealous of others relationships to each other. Link to the past: I was not allowed to have MY OWN relationships.
>>> Yep, I was the same and still am. I wasn't allowed any either and, if I did hang out with one or two people, it was controlled.
2. I think "I am no good" without others around me. Link to the past: I felt sick to my stomach about the abuse being done to me.
>>> I think I'm no good no matter what. I didn't know about the CSA for 23 years.
3. I believe I am not valuable to others. Spiritually, my childhood innocence was taken from me.
>>> Same here.
I have lost everything in the since 2008 including my health. Around $150,000 in debt now. Had to go to the shrink yesterday for SS disability so they could gauge my emotional health related to dying (it was 30 minutes and that was what it was for). Maybe that's a good thing since they think I am extremely sick, which I am, as far as getting it approved.
I think you said you have heart issues (and neuropathy) too. The psychologist was up front about CSA and heart problems being related. Not could be but is without any doubt. There was no question in his mind at all. None. Pedos don't just take your innocence, they take your health and your soul too. I took yesterday as "sorry you got f-cked and now are f-cked because of it."
I'm reading a self-esteem book to understand and finally got Victims No Longer from the library. Victims No Longer is good if you don't know what is happening and why but lacks the how to fix it.
Maybe just realize it could be a lot worse and think, "I've got a shot to turn this around." Maybe, just maybe that's enough motivation for you to keep fighting. I dunno. It really sucks to think that way, doesn't it? You still have a choice to work at it.
I'm sorry, dude. That's all I can think. Peace.
A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"