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#38336 - 06/08/03 08:15 PM Just trying to understand
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
Hello,

Want to start out by saying that I am new to this, talking about my childhood. I have told my story to one close friend and she was very supportive. Also new to this site so please bear with me.

I guess first of all I'll give a little background. I was abused starting around the age of 6 by an older brother, also later in life by an aunt and babysitter. I have never really talked about it with anyone.

Guess I just hid it and thought it was not that big a deal. But I realizedame whe that it is probably the reason I am so alone and tend to push others away. Its just easier to hide the shame when you are alone!

I also found myself doing other behaviours that worried me, excessive masturbation, pornography, risky sexual behaviour. Just kind of feeling lost and out there.

I guess I am really just trying to understand the feelings, to talk about IT, and find a little peace of mind that I am not a mutant.

I am not seeing a therapist, I have before on issues of depression and what not. I just don't know who to trust. I looked at the list of therapist on this site that deal with male survivor issues but non are in my area.

Just trying to understand.

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

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#38337 - 06/08/03 08:30 PM Re: Just trying to understand
Mike Church Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 01/23/03
Posts: 3439
Loc: Toronto, Canada
Martin:

I am sorry for what brings you to this site. I am also very glad that you found us.

We call ourselves the Wolf Pack because we re social, considerate, look after the young and the weak and we can smell rot because of our keen sense of smell. We are also noble and brave.

You are not alone Martin and I invite you to read, post and listen and join in the chat. We are all here for the same reason, to walk a better road than we have.

Your feelings are the feelings we all have, your fears the same fears.

You will find us caring, non judgemental and from every walk of life, race and sexual orientation. I have never seen a place where men can truly open their souls for others too see with total strangers. But it happens all the time here.

I was 16-17 when my SA happened and was 56 before I started to deal with it.

So welcome Brother Wolf to the road to personal peace.

aaaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwwhhhhhhhhhhhhhhOOOOOOOO

_________________________
Mikey

IT REALLY IS OK TO STUMBLE. NONE OF US ARE PERFECT.

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#38338 - 06/08/03 09:07 PM Re: Just trying to understand
outis Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/27/03
Posts: 2259
Loc: Maryland USA
Martin,

Let me echo the sentiments Mike expressed. None of us wanted to need a place like this, but we welcome every one of our brothers who has to seek us out.

This is a safe place, with a lot of good people working together. I hope it will be helpful to you to spend some time with us.

Thanks,

Joe

_________________________
"Telemachos, your guest is no discredit to you. I wasted no time in stringing the bow, and I did not miss the mark. My strength is yet unbroken…"—The Odyssey, translated by W.H.D. Rouse

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#38339 - 06/08/03 09:41 PM Re: Just trying to understand
Wuamei Offline
Member

Registered: 08/19/02
Posts: 2700
Loc: The left turn I should have ta...
Martin,

That's part of what we're here for: to try to understand, and try to live beyond, the abuse. So you're in a good place to do this.

Seeing a therapist (T) can usually be helpful if you can find the right one, even if they don't specialize specifically in working with male survivors. Martin I saw 4 different T's for most of 13 years, mostly about my depression, before my sexual abuse (SA) memories started to return and come together in some way for me.

Good to hear you have at least one supportive friend you can talk to about your SA. You can find more online here. If you can find a good local support group that can also be very helpful.

No Martin you're not a mutant. You're a survivor!

Victor

_________________________
"I can't stand pain. It hurts me."
--Daffy Duck

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#38340 - 06/09/03 12:01 AM Re: Just trying to understand
Ken Followell Offline
President
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 12/30/01
Posts: 989
Loc: Bradenton, FL
Martin,

Welcome to the site. you will find friendship, support and acceptance here. Read, post, stop i the chat room. Do what ever helps you in your recovery.

Ken

_________________________
Ken Followell

Everything works out right in the end. If things are not working right, it isn't the end yet. Don't let it bother you, relax and keep on goin
- Michael C. Muhammad

"I get up. I walk. I fall down. Meanwhile, I keep dancing."
� Rabbi Hillel

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#38341 - 06/09/03 12:30 AM Re: Just trying to understand
ScottyTodd Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 02/12/03
Posts: 1561
Loc: Pennsylvania
Martin - I see the brothers are warmly greeting you to the site. Yeah, they are all supportive and very helpful...I found we all share common experiences and feelings...you are not alone! What you feel is not strange but normal for the abnormal life experiences (abuse) you lived through. This is a good, safe place to ask questions, explore feelings, find out what others think and feel and even vent at times! Welcome, Martin, speak out, speak up and join in!

Howard

_________________________
If you think you can or you can't - you're right!.......anon
It's never too late to have a happy childhood!.....anon
You're very normal for the abnormal situation you've been through..............S. Todd

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#38342 - 06/09/03 12:47 AM Re: Just trying to understand
Doppelganger1 Offline
Member

Registered: 05/14/03
Posts: 37
Loc: Miami, FL
Hi Martin,
I can relate to just about everything you say. Hiding it and saying it's not a big deal? I did it too, followed by shame, pushing people away, that lost feeling -- all of it. During my first round of therapy I too focused more on depression, and not much on sexual abuse. In time I started to confront it. And no -- you are not a mutant!

Jeff

_________________________
"Tough times never last. Tough people do."

Darryl Kile

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#38343 - 06/09/03 02:02 PM Re: Just trying to understand
Happy Birthday Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Martin
we don't allow mutants here, no way !

But you're welcome to stay and join in the healing and support we all enjoy here.

I'm glad to hear that you are looking for a therapist who deals in SA, it makes such a difference believe me. Maybe one of the guys here will have some ideas ?

If you need to ask anything one of the Moderators will usually have an answer. We're never far away, and that's why this site is as safe as it is.

Dave

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#38344 - 06/09/03 05:38 PM Re: Just trying to understand
ernie Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/26/02
Posts: 121
Loc: Portland, Maine
Martin, welcome. The heading of this web site says it all. "You are not alone" What a terrific and comforting thing to say and to mean it. We are all in the same canoe paddeling up the same river at our own pace hopefully to reach some sort of peace of mind. There is nothing you can say here that will be stupid, critized, or wrong, speak out, get it out, who knows, your words may help open a door for someone else. Stay strong Martin, come back often
Bob

_________________________
The roads of life are full of stones but, they can be moved take my hand we will help each other.

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#38345 - 06/09/03 10:20 PM Re: Just trying to understand
martin Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/08/03
Posts: 229
Loc: The Good Earth
Hi

Thanks everyone! For your encouragement and support. It means a lot. I will stick around and participate. I do see that this is a really great place.

Just wonderin how you go about finding a good therapist.

Thanks again.

_________________________
Its times like these we learn to live again,
Its times like these we give & give again,
Its times like these we learn to love again,
Its times like these time & time again.
-The Foo Fighters

Top
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