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#383332 - 01/24/12 07:33 AM How men are assumed to be a danger to children...
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
There's an interesting post on The Goodmen Project site Put Your Hands Up and Step Away from the Child about a male elementary teacher's struggle with the suspicion he's a molester and his schools training on touch. And the comments/discussion is even more interesting.

In my experience, boys need attention from males and being kind of "male deprived" puts them at risk of a predatory male's attention.

So as I commented, paradoxically, I think this kind of “good touch” experience for kids, helps them recognize, distinguish, learn to feel empowered to avoid, the (face it, unavoidable) “bad touch” experiences they will encounter in life (the huge range from benign to normal mistakes, to more troublesome or downright abusive stuff).

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

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#383396 - 01/24/12 08:54 PM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: LandOfShadow]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
Good article - and lots of other great stuff there. Thanks for the tip, LandOfShadow.

I, too am extremely frustrated and disturbed -(If I was good at anger, I would be ANGRY!)- at this tendency in our society to assume that all abuse survivors will become predators and perpetrators. Many of us are so tied up in knots that we can't even function sexually at all - much less initiate acts with other people.

This is one of the MAJOR reasons I - and I am sure many others - are unable to share our stories with anyone - the fear of being branded as a child molestor, pedophile and pervert.

As I've said before - statistically, TWO THIRDS of us survivors DO NOT ever abuse anyone. That's a pretty big majority. And maybe if there was more safety and freedom to talk about the issue without fear of judgment and rejection, that one third that does eventually offend might be able to get the intervention and help they need to break the cycle before they act out.

Steamin!!!
Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#383398 - 01/24/12 10:04 PM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: LandOfShadow]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Well, if we put pedos away for life in prions like I have advocated, he wouldn't have to worry. And, female pedos go to jail for life too. No exceptions. You rape a kid, your life is over. If prison is hell for pedos, good. They shouldn't have been pedos. 'Nuff said.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#383424 - 01/25/12 09:10 AM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: traveler]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Originally Posted By: traveler
And maybe if there was more safety and freedom to talk about the issue without fear of judgment and rejection, that one third that does eventually offend might be able to get the intervention and help they need to break the cycle before they act out.


Yes! Yes! Yes!

Thank you!

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#383776 - 01/29/12 04:24 AM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: LandOfShadow]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
I am ashamed to admit that this myth is the number one reason I have never gone into teaching. Many people have commented that I seem to have a gift with kids but just one complain and I would be a dead man. Mike


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#383779 - 01/29/12 08:45 AM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: mike13]
LandOfShadow Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/11/07
Posts: 684
Loc: Minneapolis, Minnesota USA
Something that's helped me a lot dealing with that suspicion is learning about the Stop It Now prevention work. They try more to get adults to prevent abuse (than children through i.e. "good touch/bad touch" kind of teaching).

I realized I actually want people to have their eye's open to abuse potential, ask questions, be aware, and if I ever am the target of their concern, I want them to know anything they want, because no way could I ever hurt a child. It can be an opportunity to teach them about real signs of abuse and how to follow up on concerns.

I haven't had this happen though and I'm sure I would be horrified if someone got suspicious of me. My sense is people won't actually have these conversations though, and stop with innuendo and fear, creating prejudice and shame in us. So boys don't have real fathers and men in their lives. We have to do better than this.

_________________________
Et par le pouvoir d’un mot Je recommence ma vie, Je suis né pour te connaître, Pour te nommer
Liberté

And by the power of a single word I can begin my life again, I was born to know you, to name you
Freedom

Paul Eluard

Top
#383795 - 01/29/12 05:41 PM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: mike13]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
Originally Posted By: mike13
I am ashamed to admit that this myth is the number one reason I have never gone into teaching. Many people have commented that I seem to have a gift with kids but just one complain and I would be a dead man. Mike


Mike,

I so "connect" with what your saying here. I have been told the same thing about being good with kids. In my late teens and early twenties, I was a volunteer for the big brothers program and Teen Challenge. I was once married and a had a relationship with my own kids. When I came forward with the truth of my life, (the sexual abuse which I said very softly) I was told never to comeback. Urgh!!!

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#383801 - 01/29/12 06:57 PM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: Avery46]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
So sorry, Avery - for you being shunned and rejected for being honest about your past. that is my fear, too.

And Mike - maybe someday you can be an advocate or defender of kids because of your past. So sad that the best qualification is seen as the biggest disqualification by so many.

Tomorrow is the abuse seminar that i am required to attend by the school where i teach. I went back and forth about whether to try to get excused and do the work on-line or tough it out and attend with the rest of the staff. Not being there would raise questions. If i go, an obvious reaction to the material on my part would attract attention. still not sure what to do. and the knot in my stomach is getting bigger and tighter...

Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#383804 - 01/29/12 07:56 PM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: traveler]
mike13 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/02/11
Posts: 419
Loc: California USA
Lee with any luck I will be working with youths and men at the rape crises center. They finally made the connect with what I did for my daughters friend. They have never seen a teenager recover so quickly and now they want to know just what I did.


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#383806 - 01/29/12 08:23 PM Re: How men are assumed to be a danger to children... [Re: mike13]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3319
Loc: back in the USA
GREAT! - YOU ROCK, MAN!!!

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
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