I need it. It's gross though. I'm scared to actually have sex. Ive done it a few times this year but it's scary. I don't know what the hell "healthy sexuality" is. Women are fucking pretty and scary. Gross gross gross gross.
I want to live free and clean. I want love and happiness. I fight toth and nail for it everyday and I'm gettin there. This porn shit kinda fucks with my head that's all.

I haven't answered a post in a while. But this resonates especially the confusion I read in what you write.

Pornography has little to do with sexuality other than showing the physical act of sex and all the variations. It's two dimensional. There is no substance, no emotion, just pure mechanics of what two or more human beings can accomplish using their genitals.
Not too say it doesn't cause arousal. It can, because thats how we are wired. We don't have a period of reproduction that is fixed. We can reproduce all year long. thats a rarity in the animal kingdom. there are few species that use that strategy aside from humans.
Watch pornography when you are not arouse and you will just find it silly, gross, sometimes violent. You have no connection to the actors on the screen.
Healthy sexuality may take time. It's not just about the act. Its about attraction to a person, seduction, communication, closeness, trust. It doesn't matter what your preferences or your fantasies are, those are to be discovered btween you and your partner. Healthy sexuality is within.
So you use porn as a form of release, well, you can stop using porn if you think its a problem for you. Or you can use it and take it at face value for what it is. They really messed up with our minds when it comes to sex, so much that we don't know what were suppose to like or not. It caused a great deal of shame growing up. Now there is nothing to feel shame about. It's just you. Sex is not dirty or gross, it's just part of who we are. You mention , you wanna live free and clean. What is free? what is clean?

kinghenri, i think everyone would agree that "healthy sex" is at its foundation -- the sharing and commitment between two who love each other.

but i'm also one to face reality head on. their ain't no "other" person for some of us.... and hey, i'm 47, still got it, still want it, and hate the thought that if i don't use it - i'll shrivel up.

so very bluntly, porn is it - its all i have. i imagine i'm not alone either.

i do hope though that i keep a clear head about use of porn as its only fantasy. truthfully most of what i watch is rated g anyway. the greatest turn on is just watching that first kiss -- all their clothes still on 'cause i can't even get to that stage in real life anymore.

so, whatever works, hopefully you can keep a clear head too and work out the deal with women so that the "healthy" bit comes true at some stage. by all means, don't end up like me! or its a very empty sex life - for life, bluntly put.

Straight up way to put it man. Porn can be a head trip. Personally, it puts me in a place where afterward, I get confused, for lack of a better definition. It's like I scramble to focus and realize who I am. Everytime that I view it, it seems to always lead backward. I havent viewed any in roughly two weeks, and am trying sincerely to cut it out for good. It's a day by day choice for me. The temptation of it seems to always be there, so its my resolve thats being strengthened, rather than the temptation alleviating all together. Hopefully knowing youre not the only one "struggling" with the concept of it is a help, and strengthens your resolve to make a healthy choice. Also, I notice when I'm lonely, it comes from memory as a "relationship", although its a lie that theirs any substantial happiness in it. When I realized i was substituting a healthy relationship with it, I saw it in a more serious light, and viewed it as something that needs to be cut out completely. With whatever you decide to do, I hope you succeed in finding comfort with the person you are inside, so you dont need to hide from a true relationship. I know thats one of my bigger things to, feeling secure enough in myself to pursue a healthy connection with a real girl, rather than the easier outlet of porn.

Be well man. "

kinghenri

Sorry for the pain man

Weird thing with porn is that it keeps us in a state that denies us the very thing that we are looking for, Intimacy.
I used to watch porn till heaven knows what time in the morning, and I had a beautiful wife in the bedroom down the hall, so all the while I was crying for intimacy, and hey I cant get that through watching porn.
Porn needs to be treated as an addiction, when I stopped drinking I started watching porn, all just numbing out behaviours.
Im still working on the intimacy thing, the wife and I haven't had sex since October last year, so I haven't figured it out yet, but I'm sure as hell hopeing I do.

Heal well
Martin

I did not read the other reply's but I just wanted to add that you are definitely not alone with this.

I have faced this for as long as i can remember and have been struggling with it too and have started to deal with it in Therapy, but it is not an easy topic to discuss, but I am working hard on it.

I know what you mean when you say that Women are Gross. I feel like all sex is dirty and struggle a lot with it, but I think that I am getting better/ more comfortable. BTW, I am 30yrs old now, and have been dealing with this for about 5 yrs.

Good luck, Man.
And, thanks for bringing this up-It is important to discuss, even if it is uncomfortable to talk about.

Feel free to PM me about the subject and I will go into more detail about it.

Sincerely,
Logan

Thanks for sharing, men.

"I need it"

"It fucks with my head"

"its all i have"

"I know thats one of my bigger things to, feeling secure enough in myself to pursue a healthy connection with a real girl, rather than the easier outlet of porn. "

Porn and acting out sexually STOPPED me from healthy sexuality.
Congrats Tyler on two weeks of abstaining from it: that's the only thing that drove me to feel sexual and male that was free from frustration and shame and so many re-creatings of the abuse.

I had to make way for MY sexuality that was waiting, deep down, for me all these years. My body has a lot of wisdom once I get my thinking out of the way and just experience life without using the outlet of fantasy or porn.

I really applaud any man willing to put his compulsive pursuits aside and just feel the pain, awkwardness, and stronger sense of self.

Just try it and see what results you get-it may be one of the hardest things you do for yourself, but you already know what results you get from having a relationship with porn and fantasy.

I know what you mean about feeling a need and disgust towards it at the same time. I'm single and don't plan on doing anything about that any time soon, so it's my only outlet for now. There's nothing wrong with porn as long as you don't let yourself forget that it's fantasy. I usually watch it two or three times a week. But if you allow yourself to be objective about porn it really is gross.

I echo Mountainous Buck's sentiments 100 percent.
Porn is insidious and cunning ... and a lie.
Porn will prevent any beginning of growth or maturity or recovery.
Porn is lighter fluid to our already precarious and fragile situations.
Porn renders us blind and crippled.
I've finally learned that at age 49.
Sobriety from porn and acting out is the only way and hope for a healthy life.