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#382572 - 01/17/12 03:26 AM Homophobic because of... Scientific American
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 418
Loc: west coast
Angry and Straight
Another explanation for male Homophobia.

http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=single-angry-straight-male

Was at a party recently and one of the guys went on about he really found his new massage therapist helping his back. He had a female before his wife referred him to this guy. This RMT was stronger, dug deeper and he was really happy with the results. Another hockey dad then started giving him a rough time for letting a guy "massage him". This dude went on to say he wouldnt even see a male doctor and a man as an RMT was out of the question. The dude was wearing a designer paisly shirt.

I remember when I was in grade 9 giving a "sissy' guy a hassle for making a macrame plant holder. I was being abused and sexually exploited at that time. I watched the movie on the late show one night called "the boys in the band". http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0065488/ I think I wanted to throw up. THAT was the furthest thing from me.



Edited by 1lifenow (01/17/12 03:58 AM)
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

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#382580 - 01/17/12 06:27 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: 1lifenow]
EdfromNYC Offline
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Loc: New York City
I read the article. Its written by a gay man. He discounts a theory that doesn't serve his argument. Its specious reasoning at best.

The theory that all "homophobes" are latently gay is a way for people to discount what some men feel and never act upon. Again, to have feelings that are not gay-positive does not mean someone is wrong, needs to be fixed, needs therapy, needs to toe the gay rights line in order to be a right-thinking person. Feelings don't translate into actions; if they did, there would be many, many, many more murders and acts of violence every day.

To have rage against abusers doesn't translate into killing the abuser just like having mixed feelings towards homosexuality doesn't translate into anything beyond mixed feelings.

Like the one scientist said, arachnophobia doesn't mean that one is secretly attracted to spiders.

I'm not justifying homophobia or trying to make it acceptable nor am I equating it with outward acts of hostility toward others. I think its one more way to accuse and bring down men when what we need are strong, heterosexual, loving men who take care of their boys, support them and provide them with the necessities to live a complete, satisfying life, men who protect and embrace their sons. In doing so, my feeling is that homophobia will decrease because homosexuality will decrease, IMHO.

Its just my feeling on the matter.



Edited by EdfromNYC (01/17/12 06:50 AM)
_________________________
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Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
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#382593 - 01/17/12 09:34 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 2097
I posted this to the wrong thread. I have moved it.



Edited by KMCINVA (01/17/12 09:44 AM)

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#382641 - 01/17/12 07:10 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
prisonerID Offline
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Registered: 02/17/08
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Loc: Oklahoma
Trigger warning: Hate and ignorance in action.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lhrFJCGK_sU



Edited by prisonerID (01/17/12 07:11 PM)
Edit Reason: trigger warning
_________________________
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#382669 - 01/18/12 12:50 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
Chase Eric Offline
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Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1929
Originally Posted By: EdfromNYC
I think its one more way to accuse and bring down men when what we need are strong, heterosexual, loving men who take care of their boys, support them and provide them with the necessities to live...

So I guess we DON'T need strong, gay, loving men? What does being heterosexual have to do with anything? The gay couple across the street from me are raising a well-adjusted, happy adopted son in a loving household. He was abused in his heterosexual household.

Originally Posted By: EdfromNYC
In doing so, my feeling is that homophobia will decrease because homosexuality will decrease, IMHO.

A solution for homophobia is decreasing the population of gays? Ed? Am I reading that right? Please correct me if I'm wrong - and with all due respect - but that may be one of the most disturbing statements I have read on these boards.

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#382683 - 01/18/12 05:20 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: Chase Eric]
EdfromNYC Offline
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I edited and re-edited this a few times. I just got back from exercising which always is a good thinking time for me so I am posting anew.

I can see why you read my post that way but its not what I meant. I believe a gay man can be as loving and caring as a hetero man. I believe that what boys need are attention, affirmation and affection (the three A's, as someone here led me to know and understand) from a man in order to feel safe, loved and to grow into a stable man who is able to love and care for others.

I believe two things will happen if the three A's are met: (1) there will be less homosexuality because I believe one of the roots of homosexuality are lack of father connection (and I was gay for many years - this is my truth and I ask for it to be respected) and (2) there will be less homophobia not because there will be less homosexuals but because boys will grow up feeling loved and safe and will be less afraid of others thus reducing homophobia.

I can understand by how it was written that it might have seemed like "reduce one, automatically reduce the other by sheer numbers" but that's not what I meant.



Edited by EdfromNYC (01/18/12 06:46 AM)
_________________________
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Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
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#382689 - 01/18/12 08:55 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
prisonerID Offline
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I respect the truths that anyone chooses embrace but you really need to be cautious in how you present your truth. Broad comments can be so easily misunderstood when you are speaking in such general ways.

Plus if you wish respect you should be willing to extend it. For some years I have seen so many "theories" on gays here presented right and left. I am gay and I do not present theories on straight folks or those who are conflicted with SSA.

I have also noticed that for a time MS did a very good job of not allowing topics such as this to be all over the place. I have noticed that not only are they in the Sexual ID forum but also in the general forum. And I have seen it a lot in the Gay..etc forum as well.

I liked the old policy far better.

Just my thoughts on this.


Daryl

_________________________
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#382693 - 01/18/12 09:09 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 639
Loc: VA
At the office I've met many openly gay men (just friends! ;^}. Like all my co-workers, they're mostly nice guys plus a few jerks. A few have died from AIDS-related illness and one sent back his Eagle Scout badge when the Boy Scouts announced a (formal) ban on gays.

To me, none of the above has anything to do with What Happened when I was a kid at the Little Summer Camp of Horrors. My memories are few and very patchy, but I think the man who molested me was married--though I didn't know anything about his life outside the camp, except that he drank a lot.

Equating homosexuals with pedophiles is simply the product of the same ignorance and fear that keeps kids silent and in the power of the adults that molest them. There are many kinds of sex that I wouldn't try, but the only one that I find morally objectionable is involuntary sex. Peace!

John


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#382700 - 01/18/12 10:09 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
lapchinj Offline
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 11:48 PM)
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#382701 - 01/18/12 10:12 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: unhappycamper]
lapchinj Offline
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Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 11:49 PM)
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#382703 - 01/18/12 10:26 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 758
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
[quote=unhappycamper]....Equating homosexuals with pedophiles is simply the product of the same ignorance and fear that keeps kids silent and in the power of the adults that molest them. There are many kinds of sex that I wouldn't try, but the only one that I find morally objectionable is involuntary sex. Peace!


take out "morally" (just for me) and like x2.

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#382706 - 01/18/12 10:59 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: Castle]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
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stupidity prevails--and this perpetuates myths and silence. The victims are left in the dark while people hide behind the reality of CSA--it is there and if the world, media, families and everyone were open-tolerant, understanding and compassionate the victims would come forward, enablers would stop enabling and tell, witnesses would not turn a blind eye (I have my rose colored glasses on)--this would help minimize the problem and most importantly help the victim. But the backlash and ignorance around this topic stops people from coming forward and many who have regret coming forward because of this stupidity and ignorance. The stupidity comes from the media, medical professionals with no understanding of CSA, people who believe what they wish to believe without understanding--so people learn this attitude from the media, parents, and institutions.

Sexual abusers come in all sizes, shapes, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientation, occupations, family members, and the list goes on. It sickens me to see these comments and the general lack of support, compassion and treatment for the victims.





Edited by KMCINVA (01/18/12 11:03 AM)

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#382707 - 01/18/12 11:04 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: prisonerID]
EdfromNYC Offline
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I'm going to tell you something - I am cautious but you are going to feel uncomfortable no matter what I say since I disagree with you. Someone asked me my opinion and I said it.

I've said my opinion and I'm cautious but I'm not afraid of saying what I feel is MY TRUTH.

Feel free to espouse your theories on heterosexuality or SSA. Who is stopping you from expressing yourself? No one.

While I respect that you are having a different life experience and you think that I somehow judge you, I don't.

I'm not on this board to argue theories. I am talking about my sexuality and the effects of CSA. I'm not here to justify myself. This is a distraction but I didn't bring it up.

Quote:
Plus if you wish respect you should be willing to extend it. For some years I have seen so many "theories" on gays here presented right and left. I am gay and I do not present theories on straight folks or those who are conflicted with SSA.


Somehow you feel personally disrespected, it seems, by me writing about my experience. That has nothing to do with me and I still want the respect that I deserve on here.

Thank you.



Edited by EdfromNYC (01/18/12 12:11 PM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
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#382708 - 01/18/12 11:15 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
EdfromNYC Offline
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John, we may disagree but I feel respect from your post and I respect your experience. Were phobias simply able to be wished away as you write, well, that isn't the case is it?

I'm fine with anyone finding their path as being gay. It is not my path and I won't find satisfaction there. There's no theory there for me - that's all experience. You're having a different experience. My experience is no threat to your experience.

I am at a point in my life where I can disagree with other people and know that our mutual disagreement is not a rejection of the other - food for thought, possibly, or an area of life where we agree to disagree and get along just fine but it is not me thinking that my experience is the right one and the other one is wrong. I respect that I don't know it all - none of us do.





Edited by EdfromNYC (01/18/12 11:34 AM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#382730 - 01/18/12 02:26 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
prisonerID Offline
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Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
No, I am not threatened by your experience. A person just needs to be sure they use it in their personal language and not in a general way. That is all I was saying.

I just called it like I saw it. And still see it.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#382739 - 01/18/12 05:59 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: prisonerID]
Fidex Offline


Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 37
So being sexually aroused by it means they must secretly 'want it'? Sounds familiar.


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#382744 - 01/18/12 07:03 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: Fidex]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1352
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 11:49 PM)
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#382800 - 01/19/12 09:06 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
EdfromNYC Offline
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Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 237
Loc: New York City
Thank you, Jeff. This thread has helped me and not in the way some might think. Its not that it helped me to have a platform to state my views - that was never my intent. What it has done to help me is think about other people's point of view and truly admit that my view is not the only view nor is it the correct view and, maybe most importantly, it is up to me to keep an open mind and allow for my opinions to grow and change.

This is not a subtle hint to anyone else - this is really a benefit that I am getting out of this for myself - to keep an open mind.

The manner in which you posted, Jeff, relating your experience, that was probably the most helpful post for me in this thread and the one that most made me challenge my thinking. It was because you were simply relating your experience and not telling me how I should or shouldn't write, think or feel. In my 12 step work with others, I find that simply relating my experience can be the most helpful.

Also, look for the message and don't focus on the messenger. As is said in 12 step programs, "principles not personalities."



Edited by EdfromNYC (01/19/12 09:53 AM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#382803 - 01/19/12 10:09 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
lapchinj Offline
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Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1352
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 11:49 PM)
_________________________
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#382806 - 01/19/12 10:33 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
KMCINVA Offline
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Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 2097

As Jeff has said this board has been a healing board for me. It allows me to talk out my abuse, emotions, traumas and triggers for the flashback. Open dialogue is good, it is not confrontational but rather constructive. We are all survivors and face different obstacles in overcoming and healing from the memories we buried so long ago. MS is one place to find compassion, understanding and support. Many lack that support system or are confronted with further abuse, torment or words and actions that would make someone fall out of the healing process by making them feel worthless, isolated,lonely or useless. Here at MS we have chat and forums to help during these times.

I have used MS extensively and most know my personal situation. It has allowed me to get the pain and hurt out, I am healing but I do have my days after a vicious attack of falling back and experiencing vivid and painful flashbacks. But I come here after the flashbacks, times of isolation in the home, verbal and spitting attacks and when I feel alone-at any time of day or night to write or chat, I talk to people who have befriended and taken time to understand and show compassion and not judge or bully--amazing how strangers can become the most important people in your life because of the caring and understanding, my T who keeps me on track-non judgmental, open and creates a safe environment. I meet with him today--and as many of us know after a therapy session things can be tough because we are facing the issues of healing and uncover the past we had hoped would miraculously disappear. So the whole package of supporters are able to get me back on track.

It is easy during the healing process when the memories are so vivid, painful and crying out loud or in silence to want to give up, I have but I will post here and the words and PMs help me to refocus and realize I have value and the nay sayers are destroyers and not builders of people--.

Even views that differ from mind offer hope, we are all different-personalities, healing situations, lifestyles and so much more. But as Jeff has said we are all here for the same reason, we have been CSAed years ago and it changed and damaged our lives in ways most will never understand and hopefully will never have to experience.

I have talked and talked and I know I am not done and will continue to return. Hopefully, everyone sees the hope MS offers. I thank everyone for being here and hope we continue to heal together.

Kevin


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#382807 - 01/19/12 10:44 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
EdfromNYC Offline
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Registered: 02/18/10
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Loc: New York City
Agreed, the focus is on our common bond and I could not have said better all that you have written. I'm glad that you're here and that you are healing here as I am too. I'm very glad that this thread has taken this turn.

I am also very sad why we've ended up here. I share that with you and everyone else on here.

_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#382860 - 01/19/12 04:26 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: Fidex]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 418
Loc: west coast
I started this thread as a follow up to what Edward Wong said about his homophobia cuz i wanted to present another angle.

I said this was another explanation but in no way said or implied that all homophobes were latent homosexuals. Fissy tickens and me both had that experience so it does happen and exists. I wanted to present more than just opinion or anecdotal evidence tho, so that I why I included the objective research study.

Originally Posted By: Fidex
So being sexually aroused by it means they must secretly 'want it'? Sounds familiar.


Whoa, Fidex I may be wrong, but I think your implying that somehow this is the same argument some give for justifing the abuse. 'The kid got a boner so its all good cuz they must secretly "want it"'.

I got a erection and in fact had an orgasm climbing a rope in the seventh grade. I was responding to direct genital stimulation and being suspended on that rope 20 ft in the air , seeing the teachers red face and hearing the taunt from the class bully was something still burned into my psyche. It does not mean I really want to join the rodeo.

This study was about adult men with fully formed personalities /brain develpment going beyond neutrality( doesn't affect me, so I couldn't give a shit) but vehemently denying any attraction yet their nervous system responding to visual stimulation suggested this was not so. So there is a clear disconnect here. Not like me on the damn rope.

I understand and respect your opinion but this in not the same thing at all. If I misunderstood, please let me know.

_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#382867 - 01/19/12 05:11 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 418
Loc: west coast
Ed from nyc, I love reading your responses cuz I like that you express your opinion with a real honesty that is not blunted by any political correctness. I agree that this thread has helped people to better see from the others vantage point. My closest friend in my MS group is a man who was raised RC, and he and I are the able to have such meaningful discourses despite such opposing views. Like you, I really value that, I think it helps a lot in recovery.

You originally said that being in your group has helped you seem gay men less as "they" despite you seeing them as other than the normal. I am not sure anyone is exclusively "the normal", cuz since we are all here we are all part of the normal. The other thing you have posted here and in other places is that your orientation is a combination of your CSA and your toxic relationship with your father. I just wanted to say that that puts a lot of presure on you, cuz no one can really say what the specific cause or reason for anyone's orientation is absolutely for sure. I agree it likely influenced it greatly, I think it would be short sighted to say it didn't.

You go on further to say you wish you would have been able to be in control in your first innocent sexual experience with another equally vulnerable person and not the tainted experience you had at the hands of an adult. I think all of us here wish that and we will never know the "what ifs". I think like you, we all mourn the loss of connection we never had with fathers and sometimes mothers that did not treat us as we should have been treated. We can't go back and unfuckup that parent-child relationship we can only, if given the opportunity, try and get it right with our own kids. I agree the point you made on connected fatherhood is absolutely true. But like Jeff said about his gay son, clearly disconnected/abusive parenting was not the cause of his son being gay. So ultimately you are right, people don't need fixing if they are not "gay-positive", we are not asking for that, just being neutral is perfectly ok.

Jeff(lapchinj), I love the balance and clarity you brought to the discussion here. Your insight, understanding and firm but kind responses are remarkablely balanced. I can only speak from my exerience, that being honest with my sons about my orentation has been one of the best things about my recovery. Seeing them accept me as a gay man without reservation and having a relationship based on real honesty has allowed us to become even closer. I would never tell anyone how or what they should do given your own circumstances, yet I cant but help wonder if both your son, and you would benefit from a shared trust. He may feel even more connected and accepted by a father "he doesnt even know is gay" and you may find that sense of acceptance of the real you as profound as I have. Again, I am sure your reality dictates your rationale for this. I just see so much compassion being given by you, I think it would be cool if you were able to receive some.

I was thinking that its often just the fear of the unknown that can cause makes people distrustful. I dont know which language but in it, the word for stranger and enemy is the same one. We are all strangers here but enemies we are not.






Edited by 1lifenow (01/19/12 09:18 PM)
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#382876 - 01/19/12 06:52 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
westchesterguy Offline
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Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
just read everyone's comments - the energy on homophobia seems so misdirected, in my view.

why are so-called intelligent and enlightened men even discussing this? i do not understand this from fellow survivors, especially.

of course there is a story to go with my statement. i work for a homophobe and while i believe many who fear gays do have something inside that isn't so straight... my boss is clearly very straight.

but he'd fire me if he knew i was gay because god would demand it of him. (and as i've said on this board in the past - save the legal advice on discrimination for it truly is not in the cards and not in the work-at-will usa.)

however, in this case, he is under no stress since god is his guide. i, on the other hand, am probably as stressed out today after seven years with him as i was following the rape 33 years ago by a pedophile who had god as his guide too. that is quite a statement to make. but i'm stuck until i can find another job. at least as an adult i can drink and smoke and do things that help me with escaping stress created by the homophobes that rule this country for a few hours after work. i didn't know how to drink or smoke as a teen.

ironically, i see this as the score of life: homophobic pedophile 1, jeff 0. and current homophobic boss man 1, jeff 0. the future: homophobic life in the usa 1, jeff 0

there have been other instances too where i've infiltrated the homophobic elite. i get away with it because no one would ever believe i desire a man. (a completely different topic on stereotypes and expectations.) but i'm quite the angry, domineering dude when i need to be, thanks to recovery. i pound my fists on the conference table when i have too. i call my boss a fucking moron just as he calls me one --that in itself is probably strange by most business standards-- but in his mind a "fag" would never stand up to him the way i do. so i win, perhaps, 1/2 a point here and there.

but i know the limits. never ever be caught out in manhattan. never ever be caught with an ad. never ever be caught dating anyone. i'll write any straight, single guy here a $1,000 check if dating would risk your job! think about it.

he and the pedophile win. that's real life. those are real stats. and they were all preventable...if only we had cooperation.

if only we had some support... and to be honest i do not feel as though i do here.

so, in my humble view, any man today who thinks differently or unkindly about a man simply because he desires a relationship with another man, is fostering and empowering --both directly and indirectly-- exactly the same, but adult, sexual abuse we had as kids on guys like me now who are only trying to survive this unrewarding existence we call life.

i'm at a point now that i say if you are homophobic, perhaps it is best to keep it shut -- in the same way i have to bite my lip to keep food on the table.

_________________________
Jeff

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#382880 - 01/19/12 07:59 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: westchesterguy]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1514
Loc: California
I have a very short answer for now (and may add to it later)...

I hated that I was feeling homosexual feelings as a teenager. Then I realized that there were many others like myself, this is during the blossoming of the AIDS epidemic in San Francisco.

I decided to accept my sexuality. I made it a moot point. I just embraced it and followed through with it, while taking care of myself and seeking a deeper connecting with others.

I'm a survivor. I started working on my CSA issues a year ago. And more recently I've been questioning my sexuality again - is it a dysfunction of CSA, or inherent to me?

You know what? It doesn't matter. What matters is that I accept it. The path towards change is awareness, and then acceptance, and then action (if it is needed). Less drama, less judgment, and I get to enjoy a somewhat healthy sex life.

If I discover at some point that my native sexuality is actually, straight, that is okay with me too. At least I lived in acceptance all these years.

D


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#382884 - 01/19/12 08:20 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: Magellan]
westchesterguy Offline
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Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Magellan
....my native sexuality is actually, straight, that is okay with me too...


so glad for you magellan! if only all men in our culture would be "okay" with what we decided. but they are not. you are their hero. i am either their fetish or abomination.

_________________________
Jeff

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#382909 - 01/20/12 02:05 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: 1lifenow]
Fidex Offline


Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 37
Originally Posted By: 1lifenow
I started this thread as a follow up to what Edward Wong said about his homophobia cuz i wanted to present another angle.

I said this was another explanation but in no way said or implied that all homophobes were latent homosexuals. Fissy tickens and me both had that experience so it does happen and exists. I wanted to present more than just opinion or anecdotal evidence tho, so that I why I included the objective research study.

Originally Posted By: Fidex
So being sexually aroused by it means they must secretly 'want it'? Sounds familiar.


Whoa, Fidex I may be wrong, but I think your implying that somehow this is the same argument some give for justifing the abuse. 'The kid got a boner so its all good cuz they must secretly "want it"'.

I got a erection and in fact had an orgasm climbing a rope in the seventh grade. I was responding to direct genital stimulation and being suspended on that rope 20 ft in the air , seeing the teachers red face and hearing the taunt from the class bully was something still burned into my psyche. It does not mean I really want to join the rodeo.

This study was about adult men with fully formed personalities /brain develpment going beyond neutrality( doesn't affect me, so I couldn't give a shit) but vehemently denying any attraction yet their nervous system responding to visual stimulation suggested this was not so. So there is a clear disconnect here. Not like me on the damn rope.

I understand and respect your opinion but this in not the same thing at all. If I misunderstood, please let me know.




"Single, Angry, Straight Male Seeks Same" and "Young homophobes have secret gay urges!" doesn't imply anything at all?
I just think it's strange that the author repeats the same tired rhetoric about all homophobes being latent homosexuals when the study only reported 26% of the studied homophobes as having this "determining" reaction.
The "defense" isn't just used in cases of CSA, either.


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#382921 - 01/20/12 10:46 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: 1lifenow]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 237
Loc: New York City
I'm glad you wrote what you did. I've been accused of being honest and saying what is on my mind many, many, MANY times. I am honestly learning to continue to do so but in a way that allows for everyone to have an equal say, not just me.

Your thoughtfulness and analysis of my posts, is helpful. I want to relate that I am on a learning curve of acceptance and opening my mind up. I agree that there is no "normal" and I am glad that I have been able to state my opinions here, see another side and know that we are all men here and our orientation is not important. Its not why we're here and if I am going to distinguish between homosexual men and heterosexual men, which I've been doing for way too long (mostly out of fear that I would be rejected for having had sex with men by other men, straight and gay), the end result is to cut off opportunities to connect with whoever I am supposed to connect with.

This forum is providing with space to deal with my anxieties about other men (straight or gay or whatever) and anxieties about my sexuality. I'm learning not to project, to speak more from the heart and look for things we have in common and not focus on the differences.

I'm grateful that I am not rejected for my lack of political correctness. It may raise others hackles at times but its not my intent to hurt; its my intent to heal but not by hurting others.

_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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