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#382703 - 01/18/12 10:26 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 730
Loc: NJ
Originally Posted By: lapchinj
[quote=unhappycamper]....Equating homosexuals with pedophiles is simply the product of the same ignorance and fear that keeps kids silent and in the power of the adults that molest them. There are many kinds of sex that I wouldn't try, but the only one that I find morally objectionable is involuntary sex. Peace!


take out "morally" (just for me) and like x2.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#382706 - 01/18/12 10:59 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: Castle]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1652
stupidity prevails--and this perpetuates myths and silence. The victims are left in the dark while people hide behind the reality of CSA--it is there and if the world, media, families and everyone were open-tolerant, understanding and compassionate the victims would come forward, enablers would stop enabling and tell, witnesses would not turn a blind eye (I have my rose colored glasses on)--this would help minimize the problem and most importantly help the victim. But the backlash and ignorance around this topic stops people from coming forward and many who have regret coming forward because of this stupidity and ignorance. The stupidity comes from the media, medical professionals with no understanding of CSA, people who believe what they wish to believe without understanding--so people learn this attitude from the media, parents, and institutions.

Sexual abusers come in all sizes, shapes, ethnic backgrounds, sexual orientation, occupations, family members, and the list goes on. It sickens me to see these comments and the general lack of support, compassion and treatment for the victims.





Edited by KMCINVA (01/18/12 11:03 AM)

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#382707 - 01/18/12 11:04 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: prisonerID]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
I'm going to tell you something - I am cautious but you are going to feel uncomfortable no matter what I say since I disagree with you. Someone asked me my opinion and I said it.

I've said my opinion and I'm cautious but I'm not afraid of saying what I feel is MY TRUTH.

Feel free to espouse your theories on heterosexuality or SSA. Who is stopping you from expressing yourself? No one.

While I respect that you are having a different life experience and you think that I somehow judge you, I don't.

I'm not on this board to argue theories. I am talking about my sexuality and the effects of CSA. I'm not here to justify myself. This is a distraction but I didn't bring it up.

Quote:
Plus if you wish respect you should be willing to extend it. For some years I have seen so many "theories" on gays here presented right and left. I am gay and I do not present theories on straight folks or those who are conflicted with SSA.


Somehow you feel personally disrespected, it seems, by me writing about my experience. That has nothing to do with me and I still want the respect that I deserve on here.

Thank you.



Edited by EdfromNYC (01/18/12 12:11 PM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#382708 - 01/18/12 11:15 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
John, we may disagree but I feel respect from your post and I respect your experience. Were phobias simply able to be wished away as you write, well, that isn't the case is it?

I'm fine with anyone finding their path as being gay. It is not my path and I won't find satisfaction there. There's no theory there for me - that's all experience. You're having a different experience. My experience is no threat to your experience.

I am at a point in my life where I can disagree with other people and know that our mutual disagreement is not a rejection of the other - food for thought, possibly, or an area of life where we agree to disagree and get along just fine but it is not me thinking that my experience is the right one and the other one is wrong. I respect that I don't know it all - none of us do.





Edited by EdfromNYC (01/18/12 11:34 AM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#382730 - 01/18/12 02:26 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
prisonerID Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/17/08
Posts: 1247
Loc: Oklahoma
No, I am not threatened by your experience. A person just needs to be sure they use it in their personal language and not in a general way. That is all I was saying.

I just called it like I saw it. And still see it.


Daryl

_________________________
Broad statements often miss their true mark.

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#382739 - 01/18/12 05:59 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: prisonerID]
Fidex Offline


Registered: 11/09/11
Posts: 37
So being sexually aroused by it means they must secretly 'want it'? Sounds familiar.


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#382744 - 01/18/12 07:03 PM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: Fidex]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1200
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 11:49 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#382800 - 01/19/12 09:06 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
Thank you, Jeff. This thread has helped me and not in the way some might think. Its not that it helped me to have a platform to state my views - that was never my intent. What it has done to help me is think about other people's point of view and truly admit that my view is not the only view nor is it the correct view and, maybe most importantly, it is up to me to keep an open mind and allow for my opinions to grow and change.

This is not a subtle hint to anyone else - this is really a benefit that I am getting out of this for myself - to keep an open mind.

The manner in which you posted, Jeff, relating your experience, that was probably the most helpful post for me in this thread and the one that most made me challenge my thinking. It was because you were simply relating your experience and not telling me how I should or shouldn't write, think or feel. In my 12 step work with others, I find that simply relating my experience can be the most helpful.

Also, look for the message and don't focus on the messenger. As is said in 12 step programs, "principles not personalities."



Edited by EdfromNYC (01/19/12 09:53 AM)
_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#382803 - 01/19/12 10:09 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: EdfromNYC]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1200
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/16/13 11:49 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#382806 - 01/19/12 10:33 AM Re: Homophobic because of... Scientific American [Re: lapchinj]
KMCINVA Offline
Greeter
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 1652

As Jeff has said this board has been a healing board for me. It allows me to talk out my abuse, emotions, traumas and triggers for the flashback. Open dialogue is good, it is not confrontational but rather constructive. We are all survivors and face different obstacles in overcoming and healing from the memories we buried so long ago. MS is one place to find compassion, understanding and support. Many lack that support system or are confronted with further abuse, torment or words and actions that would make someone fall out of the healing process by making them feel worthless, isolated,lonely or useless. Here at MS we have chat and forums to help during these times.

I have used MS extensively and most know my personal situation. It has allowed me to get the pain and hurt out, I am healing but I do have my days after a vicious attack of falling back and experiencing vivid and painful flashbacks. But I come here after the flashbacks, times of isolation in the home, verbal and spitting attacks and when I feel alone-at any time of day or night to write or chat, I talk to people who have befriended and taken time to understand and show compassion and not judge or bully--amazing how strangers can become the most important people in your life because of the caring and understanding, my T who keeps me on track-non judgmental, open and creates a safe environment. I meet with him today--and as many of us know after a therapy session things can be tough because we are facing the issues of healing and uncover the past we had hoped would miraculously disappear. So the whole package of supporters are able to get me back on track.

It is easy during the healing process when the memories are so vivid, painful and crying out loud or in silence to want to give up, I have but I will post here and the words and PMs help me to refocus and realize I have value and the nay sayers are destroyers and not builders of people--.

Even views that differ from mind offer hope, we are all different-personalities, healing situations, lifestyles and so much more. But as Jeff has said we are all here for the same reason, we have been CSAed years ago and it changed and damaged our lives in ways most will never understand and hopefully will never have to experience.

I have talked and talked and I know I am not done and will continue to return. Hopefully, everyone sees the hope MS offers. I thank everyone for being here and hope we continue to heal together.

Kevin


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