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#382157 - 01/12/12 02:53 AM Back to really bad news
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
I posted this In Male survivors, but desperately need input from others in F&F, Ladies help me with your wisdom please.

I went away to visit my Dad for his 80th birthday, and took my daughter with me. We had a really great time with Grandpappy and swam in the sea and went out and had fun.
I would call my wife, with whom I am having a bit of a strained relationship, and found her very distant and not really happy to talk to me.
On the one day I went and met with a T who has helped me tons long distance, and before I met with her face to face for the first time, My wife called and wanted to talk to me desperately.
I went somewhere private and said what's up babe.
The response I go was one I did not expect in a million Years.

"I HAVE BEEN RAPED"
WTF who, what, what are you talking about?
Turns out that her cousins husband, who knew we were away, called her and offered a shoulder to cry on because of the problems she is having with me.
He slipped her a rohipnol, (Date rape drug) or something, played the hero and drove her home and raped her.
What the fuck,
How do I take it from now, she doesn't want to prosecute, and am not going to force her. Perhaps next week she will change her mind.
What can I do right now to deal with this, beside killing the fucker?

ADVICE PLEASE

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#382164 - 01/12/12 05:15 AM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: whome]
Gretta Offline


Registered: 09/17/11
Posts: 239
I have nothing to say except I am so sorry and the evil in this world never ceases to amaze me. I hope she remembers nothing of it and I hope you are a comfort to her. That's terrible. I am sorry for both of you.


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#382166 - 01/12/12 06:01 AM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: Gretta]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Martin, how damnably awful for your wife, you and your daughter. Encourage your wife to get help for the trauma: online, phone, face-to-face, whatever it takes. Her choice about prosecution once the shock wears off.

About being a partner: When I'm enraged about things that have happened to my partner, I'm focused on that, and can't be a grounded calming support for him. I'm still working on getting through this. Do what you can to get to the other side of the rage, for yourself and your beloveds.


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#382174 - 01/12/12 09:30 AM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: whome]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 367
Oh my God! That is horrible! Beyond horrible! Does she remember anything? I cant imagne what kind of creep/freak would do this. A very evil man, for sure.

Did she call the police?? Have a rape kit done? Checkd for STD's? What about her poor cousin who is probably oblivious to the fact that she is married to a psych-path?
Don't kll the fucker". U will be the only one that ends up in prison.

Please have your wife get help asap. Is there a rape hotline, at the very least, available?

I am so sorry. I can't even imagine what u are feeling.

I went through a similar situaton without the date rape drug. I went to the police and they already were bulding a case against him so I ddn't have to tesify or anythig.

I was only 18 at the tme


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#382224 - 01/12/12 07:39 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: lucylives]
Disappointed Offline


Registered: 08/11/09
Posts: 540
Loc: U.S.A.
I honestly have no idea what to say.

That said, your wife's desire not to report could hurt innocent third parties as Lucy Lives noted about the cousin who probably isn't aware her husband is unacceptable.

So, I would probably pressure her to report. ASAP.

But if this is the right thing, I have no idea. Unless I was the innocent 3rd party saved from being hurt because he was reported before he hurt me.

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#382230 - 01/12/12 09:31 PM . [Re: whome]
lady123 Offline


Registered: 09/14/11
Posts: 28
.

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#382285 - 01/13/12 01:24 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: lady123]
Sailor John Offline


Registered: 10/04/11
Posts: 310
Loc: Newfoundland & Labrador
Hi whome,

This is really bad event. I would be just there for her to have a shoulder to cry on and emotional support for her. I would also try my very best to have her lay charges against him.

Like lady 123 said, it's important to get this creap locked away. If he does this to a family member, how many non family have had their lives ruined by this creap?

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I will mourn the teenager I never was and strive to make that dot of light way out in the far reaches of the end of the tunnel turn into a bright sun.

WE ARE NOT VICTIMS. WE ARE THE SURVIVORS!!!

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#382329 - 01/13/12 09:03 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: Sailor John]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
Martin (whome) posted an update about his wife in the Male Survivor Forum. Direct Link to post


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#382436 - 01/15/12 08:18 AM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: eyesforward]
Marie-TwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 12/30/11
Posts: 8
Loc: USA
I'm glad she's responding to the help.
I am so sorry you both are having to go through this.
Matt just about went crazy when they got to me.
Can't imagine a husband's feelings in this situation.

You are being there for her.
That will mean a LOT!
If Matt hadn't been in the same room with me the first 24hrs I don't think I would have made it through that bit sane.
Just keep holding onto each other.
Hold on tight and do NOT let go.

Sometimes that's all you can do.

*Marie*


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#382465 - 01/15/12 03:21 PM Re: Back to really bad news [Re: Marie-TwoOfUs]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1736
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
You Guys are so kind, Thanks so much for the encouraging words.
She is doing well, and I am taking a bit of strain.
The thought that this Bastard thinks that he has the right to come in to my house and mess with my family is still killing me.
The thoughts of revenge are running riot in my head and I barely sleep.
But hey I am keeping it together and staying sane for her. She has been with me through my healing and I will be there for her.

Thanks for the kind words Marie, I really value them.

Heal well all
Martin

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Survivors Supporting Each other
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