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#38225 - 07/09/02 12:47 PM Re: Pain, guilt, shame, degradation, isolationism, withdrawal and controlling anger
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Wayne
It is tough, and I don't think anyone here will deny that, we go through agonies before we reach the other side.
But there IS another side, I can promise you that. Eventually I found my other side, but there were days when I thought I was going down for the very last time, I still do have bad days.

But I have learned how to use the inner strength that I believe we all have, I turned the energy I used to feed my depression, acting out and all the other negative things I did around, I use the energy to fight for my life.

I can't list "cures" or tell you what will definately work, we're all too individual for that, but read the posts here, go back and look at some of the truly wonderful and inspirational things guys like us have written, something might just click for you and it might work. And there's always the reassurance that you are not doing it alone, WE FIGHT ALONGSIDE !!

Two things I would say though is dont try, or expect, to do it all at once. We can't, there's too much to do. And there's no particular order to it either, if you feel strong about something one day- then be strong that day.
The other is use a good therapist, find one with experience in SA, hopefully one who specialised in just that.

Be strong Wayne, and keep coming back.
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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#38226 - 07/09/02 07:34 PM Re: Pain, guilt, shame, degradation, isolationism, withdrawal and controlling anger
orodo Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/15/02
Posts: 735
Loc: Imladris, The Safe Haven of Ar...
Batt:

My wife told me to move out last night, that she was sick of living with a victim. We had a very long, heated, unproductive discussion, and I ended up feeling like I was the problem all over again. I refuse to move out. If she is that sick of me, and of trying to "take care " of me, then she can leave. I can take care of me and my boys, even though she doesn't think I can. I know what it's like to have no friends to turn to, no one to talk to, not even the one person in the world I hoped would be with me on this. Every day that I drive by my first perpetrator's apartment, and every day that I visit my parents house next door to where my second abuser still lives, I think of how I have to be here to protect my kids. They need me. My wife could give a shit about me, well that's her problem. I just signed up for the retreat and membership to NOMSV. I need to do what I gotta do. No matter how depressed, spaced out, obsessive compulsive, stressed out, I have got to take care of me and mine. No matter how angry and abusive my wife gets with me, I will be here. My kids need me. My wife won't go to marriage or relationship therapy with me. That's too bad for her, because I am really trying hard to be well. If she won't walk on this road with me, then I will leave her in my dust. I don't need anyone or anything. Everything I need to be well is right inside my head. Only I can find it and bring it out. Sorry to ramble, I shoulda started a new post.

Tiewaz is the rune for "The Warrior" May the power of the warrior be with you.

http://home.talkcity.com/KarmaWay/drgore/tiewaz.html

Algiz is the rune for protection. May the power of Algiz be with you.

http://home.talkcity.com/KarmaWay/drgore/algiz.html

I wear these runestones on a string, and they remind me that I have the power of both inside of me. BE WELL, stay well.

Join us in the chat room some evening, if you can.

Orodo

_________________________
It is better to be Dragon Master than Dragon Slayer. Some Dragons are meant to be mastered, others meant to be slain. Odin, Great Spirit, God, grant me the wisdom to know the difference. "May the Valar guide and bless you on your path under the sky"

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#38227 - 07/10/02 12:54 PM Re: Pain, guilt, shame, degradation, isolationism, withdrawal and controlling anger
Lloydy Offline
Administrator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor
Registered: 04/17/02
Posts: 7071
Loc: England Shropshire
Quote:
Everything I need to be well is right inside my head. Only I can find it and bring it out.
That's a fact Orodo, it's all in there somewhere. Finding it's a problem I must admit, but have a root around, it's all there somewhere.

I'm so sorry to hear of your problems, it's a lonely fight on your own, but you're showing how strong you are by fighting for what you want.
Never give that up.

Be strong Orodo \:\)
Lloydy

_________________________
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau

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