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#381932 - 01/10/12 12:29 AM Wives Reading List
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
What books would you recommend for the wife of a CSA man.
Thank you in advance for your help


_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#382014 - 01/10/12 02:31 PM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: F.A.]
Mitts Offline


Registered: 07/07/08
Posts: 13
Loc: Midwest USA
I just recently read "When A Man You Loved Was Abused" by Cecil Murphey. I thought it was very helpful. You can look it up on amazon & see if it looks like what you are looking for.


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#382020 - 01/10/12 02:54 PM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: F.A.]
unhappycamper Offline


Registered: 10/21/11
Posts: 597
Loc: VA
"Abused Boys" by Mic Hunter is good--it gives several case histories that show how different CSA experiences can affect men later in life.

John


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#382028 - 01/10/12 03:37 PM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: unhappycamper]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
Thank you keep them coming please

_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#382075 - 01/11/12 09:06 AM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: Mitts]
mcl1982 Offline


Registered: 01/09/12
Posts: 44
Loc: IL
I just bought this for my gf, well we broke up but she's trying. I found this book and asked if she'd be willing to read this book and she said yes as long as I agreed to read the love dare. I hope this book will help her better understand.


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#382082 - 01/11/12 10:43 AM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: mcl1982]
eyesforward Offline


Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 92
Loc: Ontario
F.A.
It depends what you want to learn or understand -- what he's going through or what you're going through.

I've read
1. Ken Singer's Evicting the Perpetrator
2. Richard Gartner's Beyond Betrayal

I am reading
3. Mike Lew's Victims No Longer
4. Marie Browne & Marlene Browne's If the Man you Love was Abused
5. Laura Davis's Allies in Healing

I'm finding that Mike Lew's book, though its primary audience is men who experienced CSA, is the most helpful in understanding what he is dealing with and going through.

I have really only skimmed or read brief sections of the two books (#4 and #5 above) for partners, spouses, and family of survivors. Other people have found them helpful. I'll post back once I have an opinion about their usefulness to me.

Take good care of yourself.


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#382095 - 01/11/12 01:47 PM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: eyesforward]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
I read 2 & 4 found them useful for me. Thank you for the suggestions

Originally Posted By: eyesforward
F.A.
It depends what you want to learn or understand -- what he's going through or what you're going through.

I've read
1. Ken Singer's Evicting the Perpetrator
2. Richard Gartner's Beyond Betrayal

I am reading
3. Mike Lew's Victims No Longer
4. Marie Browne & Marlene Browne's If the Man you Love was Abused
5. Laura Davis's Allies in Healing

I'm finding that Mike Lew's book, though its primary audience is men who experienced CSA, is the most helpful in understanding what he is dealing with and going through.

I have really only skimmed or read brief sections of the two books (#4 and #5 above) for partners, spouses, and family of survivors. Other people have found them helpful. I'll post back once I have an opinion about their usefulness to me.

Take good care of yourself.


_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

Top
#382412 - 01/14/12 09:57 PM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: F.A.]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 415
Reading helps me tremendously.

Here is a snapshot of my little library. I put an asterisk by the ones I recommend.

Male CSA Specific
SAM Sexual Abuse of Males by Josef Spiegel*
Evicting the Perpetrator by Ken Singer*

For wives and partners of male CSA
Allies in Healing, Laura Davis
When a man you love was abused by Cecil Murphey
(I have no asterisks by these because they didn't help me because they didn't address how I was to help while dealing with my own pain of betrayal--probably great books if your husband/partners doesn't act out with other people).

Porn Addiction
In the Shadow of the Net, Patrick Carnes*
yourbrainonporn.com

Betrayal/Affairs
After the Affair by Janis Spring*
Healing Your Marriage When Trust is Broken,Cindy Beall* (Christian)
Sacred Marriage (Christian)
Unfaithful by Shriver (Christian)
Marriage Undercover by Bob and Audrey Meisner (Christian)





Edited by GoodHope (01/14/12 10:04 PM)
_________________________
Wife of a survivor

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#382597 - 01/17/12 10:36 AM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: GoodHope]
lucylives Offline


Registered: 04/07/11
Posts: 358
I am currently reading Women who love sex addicts by Douglas Weiss. Ugh. I know it is useful but painful for me to read.


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#382600 - 01/17/12 11:41 AM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: lucylives]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
Thank you for the suggestions so much.

Lucylives I am sorry you have to go through this the crime of SA has more than just one victim is victimizes everyone who loves the victim.

_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

Top
#382608 - 01/17/12 01:30 PM Re: Wives Reading List [Re: F.A.]
herowannabe Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/01/11
Posts: 386
Loc: USA
www.recoverynation.com

These books are great, and are great tools to help we grieving wives learn about not only the affects of CSA on men, but the larger issues of sexual/emotional dysfunction, addiction and abuse.

Likewise, MS is a great tool to learn about the reality of CSA and the horrors many of our husbands endured, have been crippled by, and struggle to overcome.

For the most part, these books and MS will help us help our husbands. However, I've learned that as much as our husbands need our support, our understanding, compassion and tenderness, depending on our personal situation, we may need support, understanding, compassion and tenderness, too!

TRIGGER AHEAD:

Some male survivors are extremely sensitive to the fact that some (not all) survivors have perpetrated abuse within their marriages, and their wives have been their victims.

We have become secondary victims of their CSA if our husbands have:

* Betrayed our marriage vows
* Have had sexual/romantic relations outside of our marriage
* Have left us feeling that WE had a problem with sex/love not realizing the disconnect was that we were being objectified, or our husband was disassociating, or hiding dark secrets...
* Given us sexually transmitted disease (maybe life threatening) brought home to us due to their sexual infidelities
* Have raped our family's financial resources to pay for porn, affairs, strip clubs, massage parlors, alcohol, drugs, hotels, prostitutes, lawyers, bail money, etc.
* Have by their acting out shattered our self-esteem, self-worth and our very value system- the core of all we are and thought our lives were.

Many of us find ourselves clinically diagnosed with Depression, PTSD, Panic/Anxiety, and some of us have considered, will attempt, and may successfully end our lives.

If you are merely looking to become educated on CSA and how it may have affected your husband, you're in a great place for that.

However, if while working to learn about CSA while you are beaten to bloody bits by your husband's acting out against you and your marriage, then YOU need as much care as he. In all probability, you may need even MORE help than your survivor husband if you are left to not only support HIM, but your children, keep your job, pay the bills and take care of your home, care for elderly parents, AND work through your own suffering, fear, confusion and rage.

If you are in greater need than books and MS can provide, please visit www.recoverynation.com, which is the most compassionate, helpful, educational, supportive resource I have found in my 1-1/2 years of crawling through the destruction of my marriage, family, life and future.

If you don't understand what I mean when I say I have been the victim of abuse by my survivor husband, then this post is not intended for you. Please move on.

If you DO understand exactly what I mean, then please do yourself a favor and visit www.recoverynation.com. You will learn, you will be held in the arms of others who understand what's happened to your husband AND to YOU, too! You will heal as an individual and if you both desire, as a couple.

If you are a male survivor, it will interest you that www.recoverynation.com was started by Jonathan Marsh, who suffered tremendous CSA, resulting in a broad spectrum of dysfunction and acting out. You can find help there, free of charge, or for a small fee, you will get a personal coach to work with you. This may be a life-saving alternative for those who don't have insurance coverage.

Sending much love to all who suffer!

_________________________


For I know the plans I have made for you. Plans to give you a future and a hope. Jeremiah 29:11


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