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#381738 - 01/07/12 06:21 AM Re: ped park bans [Re: phoenix321]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413
It's not that I don't agree with you about how it should be (prison, id's etc) and I too don't think convicted child sex offender belong anywhere near where children congregate but I no longer deal in the world of "it ought to be". So the reality is municipalities are very willing to create these bans (and I support them) but if this is the only talk that takes place about child rape (and it gets the most attention) then I'm not convinced it helps as many children than if we could take that limited public attention to talk about how more than 90% of CSA victims came to be-- and it's not perps in the park. The reason why these bans are appealing is because the parents feel like "whew, my kid is safe now that no pedos are allowed." institute the ban but if I were in charge of this initiative my battle cry would be "this is a small important step towards combatting CSA but the real work has nothing to do w RSO lists because it's in your homes, churches, clubs etc."

Nothing kept me up at night like discovering who it was that did this to my husband. I know the information we have now about who abuses was not widely known when this was happening to him so his mother didn't know to look out for the 12 year old step brother, but I'm not convinced moms today would know either because the conversation and energy is focused on RSO lists and municipal bans of convicted offenders.

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#381742 - 01/07/12 09:03 AM Re: ped park bans [Re: GoodHope]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
and another day dawns. lol. i wasn't going to respond further to that thread, however, a comment was posted overnight from the main advocate opposing the park ban:

he told me that i failed to realize how easy it is to land on the sex offender registry. and suggested that i get more versed on what it takes to become a registrant before making judgements and comments that are uninformed.

so, with that, i did respond and said i'm man enough to own my mistakes and accept the consequences unlike some "in this society of 'blame everyone else' for 'what i did wrong.'" i also said that by attacking adult survivors of childhood rape he isn't winning any points fighting for his case of injustice.

i have admit it bothers me that there are 20 thumbs up in total for those who write in opposition to the park ban....and 0 for me. 20-0...thought i'd do better, thought at least one reader in "the o.c." would also pick up that bat and give it a swing in favor of kids. me was wrong.

interesting to ponder, no? while i can't say those folks are "pro molestation" they are anti-sex offender list and very likely believe peds can repent be cured. but they bond for the cause, they support each other and it is clear to me they cruise the 'net in search of any opportunity to push their agenda in stories such as those.

where are we?

what is our group? where is our cause identity? me - individually fighting through posts on that story. (i did so on the wsj too regarding sandusky.) someone else (i read here last week) being featured in a news article in his hometown about abuse -- alone too? robbie -- is carrying his cause -- alone too? others here - fighting the good fight as a solitary soldier?

is this it? this entire movement of male survivors is just made up of thousands of individuals doing their own thing? i imagine the power in numbers and i know that oprah show featuring many here was a great success - one time. i guess i just wish we all were more actively networking together for our cause in the same way the "befriend and be kind to a former pedophile" group seems to be.


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Jeff

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#381798 - 01/08/12 12:17 PM Re: ped park bans [Re: westchesterguy]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Jeff,

The only huge problem with networking with those that went on Oprah is society, as a whole, still hasn't changed a whole lot of rape of boys. We just considered it "rape" legally in the last week. Women offenders get away with it for the most part and get sympathy. Even in the psych community there are therapists that don't get women molesting boys is a big deal. The laws really haven't caught up on male offenders either. They are reviled for sure.

Then there is many in society who laugh when a boy or man yells rape and even sexual harassment by women. The other stigma is that boys molested will become pedos and dangers to society. Let's face it, there isn't a whole lot of giving a shit for male rape victims like there is women rape victims.

I applaud the guys on Oprah, but, to be honest, I wouldn't join them at this time because I'm not a public figure like Tyler Perry. He's not going to face a whole lot of discrimination and scorn today. He might have before today. I don't know.

Then there are the bunch that discounts guys saying they were molested because of false memories. Until there is a concerted effort on the Mental Health providers associations to destroy the stigma and get it's own ranks to treat it like they do women and say it is just as damaging, I personally don't see a reason to become an oddity in the public eye. It also amazes me that there are pedo apologists in the therapy world.

The boys/men going public are real heroes. I don't know their recoveries but until I have peace with it myself and have recovered a bunch, I'm more than happy to suffer in silence and heal in silence because I don't want to even think about handling it being public. It sucks but I don't have to concern myself being in the glare of the public eye and facing skeptics and other weirdos.

That's a really tough nod you advocate. It should be up to the victims/survivors to be publicly associated with a network and the network should refrain from being intrusive. Look at women rape victims not saying anything because of defense lawyers who attempt to destroy them. It's sad. I can be anonymous on the Internet for the most part and can quit anytime. Going public you can never quit.



Edited by phoenix321 (01/08/12 12:19 PM)
Edit Reason: typos
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Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#381799 - 01/08/12 12:21 PM Re: ped park bans [Re: westchesterguy]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
Originally Posted By: westchesterguy
is this it? this entire movement of male survivors is just made up of thousands of individuals doing their own thing? i imagine the power in numbers and i know that oprah show featuring many here was a great success - one time. i guess i just wish we all were more actively networking together for our cause in the same way the "befriend and be kind to a former pedophile" group seems to be.


The "befriend and be kind to pedos groups" make me sick too.

_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#381811 - 01/08/12 04:52 PM Re: ped park bans [Re: phoenix321]
GoodHope Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/05/11
Posts: 413

Unfortuntaely, Phoenix is correct and you can't be sure how you will be recieved. My husband is not ready to go public. period. Not even because of what MAY happen.

I've never been raped, as a child or adult. I have no recovery to work through (other than supporting my husband) so nothing can be derailed for me by negative reactions to a child rape story. I'm not sure the same can be said for men (or women) who are actually working through their own shame doubts and demons.

I pray one day my husband will be ready to share his story. Because he is a successful businessman, respected in his church and community, I feel like despite naysayers, it will help people. But it's not my call to make.

I don't want to sit idle. I want to shout to the world, shake people, turn tables over, run naked through the streets tearing at my clothes--ANYTHING and EVERYTHING to get people talking about this thing. But I can't. It's not my story to tell. So the men out there who do, I'll support them, I'll write letters, I'll do my part in the tiny box i'm in and when my box gets bigger, so will my voice.

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Wife of a survivor

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#381856 - 01/09/12 07:33 AM Re: ped park bans [Re: phoenix321]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: phoenix321
....I'm more than happy to suffer in silence and heal in silence because I don't want to even think about handling it being public.


i understand. i wasn't suggesting that everyone go public. smile the 'net gives guys who don't want to be public the anonymity option. i have engaged in online campaigns for a completely different cause with many others who were not necessarily using their real names either. simply, it was to ban youtube videos where live pet rabbits were fed to snakes for kicks and laughs. the snake would grab the rabbit, it would screamed while being eaten and the guys would cheer on the snake - bigger rabbit, bigger snake all the better. putting rabbits in microwaves ovens live too - this kind of thing. (yes, no need to say we have a sick society.) i have a pet rabbit as did the other folks in this campaign. we simply alerted each other via email to new videos being posted - we would all log into youtube to flag the videos as animal abuse etc. and try to get them pulled off.

in our case for supporting male survivors, i was just thinking of banding together and weighing in for such cases as this park ban article as to increase awareness in public showing we are here, we are surviving and have something to say.

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Jeff

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#381872 - 01/09/12 01:19 PM Re: ped park bans [Re: westchesterguy]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6353
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
Rabbits don't matter to snakes.

Children don't matter to snakes or enough adults to make any change.

As far as I know, child-rape has been going on for all of human history. Humans will not self-police something that a large proportion enjoys...or makes the balance feel uncomfortable or protective of the offender.

Nothing will happen on this until the end of days.

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#381896 - 01/09/12 06:52 PM Re: ped park bans [Re: Still]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
...Nothing will happen on this until the end of days.


i hate to say i agree with you robbie. 'cause in agreeing... i feel like we empower the assholes in life. but... i think the assholes outnumber us too, hm, how is 6 of them to every 1 of us? (yea mean, but i'm in the mood. ;-)

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Jeff

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