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#384226 - 02/03/12 12:09 PM Re: Starting to panic [Re: mike13]
NDbiker Offline


Registered: 07/27/10
Posts: 37
Loc: North Dakota
Lee, if your like me and somebody asks me to do something like that, it is like I'm a deer caught in headlights. In my head the mental storm starts with "You want me to do what!?"

My men's support group for sexual abuse, watched the boyscout video, the one that is for the children. No one in the group knew we were going to watch it until it was playing. It was made for young minds and was almost cheesy. Every guy in the room was in flashback mode. We discussed that the advice was not complete enough. It told the kids to tell their parents or police what had happened. For us, talking to the police at our young age was too scary. Each of us had parents who were into old school punishment and didn't feel safe into going to them.

I thought there should be a campaign similar to "Mr. Yuck" The teachers talked about bad chemicals and you took a pack of stickers home to label them. Nobody wants to stand out amongst their peers. A 1-800 number that you call with a text option(for current times) and an email address would have felt safer to me. With a simple message "If anyone touches you where your bathing suit goes, use the information on this sticker!"

What is the basic message that they are teaching kids today? I have a young daughter and we are trying to teach her to come to us with anything. It is hard to be a parent and let your child growup, when you have experienced what we have!


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#384227 - 02/03/12 12:28 PM Re: Starting to panic [Re: NDbiker]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 727
Loc: NJ
ND...as a parent with small kids...i think about this a bunch.

After cnsulting with T, the "best" advise is to teach your kids to speak up and use their "big" voice. A kid that speaks up is and is vocal with a potential perp is "safest". unfortunatly we can not be everywhere and protect them form everything, but we can teach them the skills to protect themselves.

http://www.stopitnow.org/ is a good place to look.

One last point, and you express it well....It is very important for us NOT to say we would harm anybody who would harm our children...I do feel if somebody hurt my children I would not take it well at all...but it may prevent them from saying anything if they think mom or dad will "kill" or "hurt" a perp...add into the fact that most perps are known to the victim, it makes sense that they wont want to get a person they know hurt or killed.

just .02.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

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#384230 - 02/03/12 12:43 PM Re: Starting to panic [Re: Castle]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2572
I'll Ditto what Castle says.... A friend of mine got a call from his daughter (who is in college) was "date" raped at a party. She knows who it is.... but won't tell her dad because her dad is the kinda guy who is likely to drive over to the college the plant the guy somewhere....

And that's a College age young woman... image a child now... so yeah, there's lots of reasons kids don't/won't tell.

I never told because I was sure I would get in trouble. My mom got angry at everything she didn't approve of. So no telling there.

My oldest son is 11 now. We've always made it clear that he can talk to us and if anyone ever does anything etc he can tell us... One thing I've realized from knowing my son... there's no way I think he'd tell us anything if it happened. He's been picked on and bullied a few times at school, and my wife can tell when something is going on, but getting him to tell us is like pulling teeth and literally takes days to get him to open up about it. The positive is though, the last time something was going on, we talked about it and he then took the initiate and went and spoke with the principle himself about it, he didn't want us calling etc.

If I find out anyone has ever hurt my kids... I'll go nuts. I don't think I'll be out going after anyone, but it'll trigger me to a place of insanity I think.

Lee, is there any one specific person who is responsible for the material that you could approach? Maybe go armed with real statistics and mention that when you took the course this last time you noticed some inaccuracies that you feel, in the face of current statistics, should be updated. Just a thought.



Edited by JustScott (02/03/12 12:45 PM)

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#384419 - 02/05/12 03:27 AM Re: Starting to panic [Re: JustScott]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3320
Loc: back in the USA
Good idea, JS - about getting more balance into the presentation. my T suggested the same thing - even some ways to distance myself from revealing the personal offense I felt and the reasons for it. I'm even willing to endure some discomfort if it means that even one kid is protected from abuse, but I do think we as a society can do a better job of getting the word out in a way that doesn't further victimize the innocent.

Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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