hi. i am new here. i have said some posts but have not introduce myslef so hi. i have a amazing wife and a 6 year son who i try to be a good dad to. i am lucky to still have him after everthing i have done to hurt my wife she is still wiht me. i guy in my group told me about this place when i told him some of my past stuff. i got into drugs and drugs got in me and i did terible things for drug money. i dont think anything bad happened to me when i was little but my dad had alot of dirty magzines that my mom was alwys mad at and they fought alot. but my group thinks i should come here to think hard why i did sexual things with guys who gave me money because i was 16 still a kid when i did those thigns. they say why did i do that for money and think because of my kind of shity dad some thing happened to me that i forgot. I think i would know if some thing like that happened. it was not right but i got alot of money from doing sexual things with them men. but i hated being a whore and was so ashamed i never told any body. my wife dont know still. I quit doing that and quit drugs so i stopped seeling my self to nasty old bastards. i got a good normal job and a few years later i got a good wife and then our son and a good life after all. but it didnt last long before i messed around with her sister and some prostitudes and when she found out it almost killed her. i love her and my son and want to do good and not lose them. i cant tell her that i still want to get a prostitude. i stay away from her sister but i know me and if she wanted to do some thing i probaly would even though i dont really want to but it is temting. i said i will be true and i want to but i still keep thinking about messing around on her. stupid huh? i said never agian but im not sure about that. thank you.

Hey Neveragain-

Thanks for sharing some of your story

Not sure what group u are in. But my sexual acting out and infidelity also almost destroyed my marriage and my abilIty to be a good father. I found that I needed help to overcome the sexual compulsions and look at some of the roots of my struggles with sex, intimacy and life.

I got sober in a 12 step program from alcohol and that started to give me tools for living life. My drinking was violent and out of control and fed an inner hopelessness that started as a kid.

This is a good source for recovery, sharing, and healing. Owning the truth about ourselves and or lives will set us free-I just need other honest people in recovery to help me see the truth about me.

I especially need this to help me break through the shame I carry around from thr past-shame that gets triggered by my own choices and behavior today.

So welcome-I hope u read some of he helpful articles and resources here at MS.

Hi and welcome.

Neveragain,

It's great you are here, and great you have quit using those harmful substances and worked so hard to straighten yourself out.

When you feel temptation, just think how bad it will be if you can only see your son every other weekend for the rest of his childhood.

Imagine the things he won't be able to learn from you, if you aren't there. Imagine the things he might learn from any "stepdad" he might get.

Best wishes, and I hope you are led away from temptation.

D.

Welcome, I am also new here.
This is a good place to work out. There is alot of insight here.

Thank you for welcoming me and for your advise.

hi neveragain:

i too had almost wrecked my marriage with porn, sex addiction - but found real help and recovery in a 12-step program - much like alcoholics anonymous --- but for sex addicts.

it is possible to learn a better way to live.

this site has helped tons also.

but until i had some free time from having sex outside my marriage -- (we call is sobriety) --- was i able to face other things in my life that were not working -- one of which has been csa.

you can do it!

How did you gusy figure out if you really loved you wifes? my wife thinsk it means i dont love her if i could cheat on her for so long and with so many even her own sister. she has good points and iam confuzed if may be i dont love her like i should love a wife. how do i now if i do love her the right way wen i still think things about others women? i messed up her with her sister so bad and may be she is better of with out me? i dont now how to fix it.

It may take your wife a while to believe you love her. I asked my husband to stop saying it to me because I could not stop myself from thinking every time he said it "that's a lie cause you wouldn't have messed around on me with so many people if you did".

I now believe my husband loves me to the best of his ability and he appears to be doing everything he can to learn how to interact in the world in a healthy way primarily through therapy.

It will be painful for both of you for different reasons. Addressing your CSA will be your primary battle and repairing your marriage a secondary battle, for her it will probably be recovering from the devestation of the infidelity and then learning how to navigate the CSA.

It is unbelievably indescribably painful to be betrayed by a spouse, but the sister thing adds a complicating factor because now two people who should have been protective of her heart weren't.

If you want to try to keep the marriAge intact, keep working on healing. Sobriety, therapy, accountability and as much transparency as you can muster will help. She'll be wary, hesitant and suspicious (and she should be). You must be patient and understanding even while you are dealing with your own issues.

If you think your wife would be interested I've got a whole list of books to read (and some to avoid!). Just let me know.