I responded to your questions a while back, but in the last month I've been off of MS, I have found, what has been for me, a more effective pathway to healing. So, I thought I'd share the update with you!
1) How did you get your man to treatment.?
I didn't have to get him to treatment; he realized he was standing at death's door and took the initiative to get us both into counseling, and he began with A.A. In the early days, we both thought the infidelities were due to his drinking, never considering CSA could have played even a small part.
2) What resources did you find helpful For Him? (Remember that I am in South Africa) We stumbled through a couple of incompetent counselors and attended A.A. and Al-Anon meetings that simply weren't hitting "home" for us. After an entire year, we began seriously considering the physical abuse perpetrated by his father. It was then that the CSA started to come to light. We found MS and he began seeing a therapist who specializes in CSA. I found specialized help for my struggles at www.recoverynation.com.
Unfortunately, MS was not healthy for me, personally, so I had to continue looking for my own help, which has allowed me to become healthier and stronger. Now I am a good support for my husband, who is revealing more and more memories now.
3) What information did You find helpful for yourself. www.recoverynation.com.
INVALUABLE help for me. Though this site was begun by a male survivor, there is a plethora of help for the hurting spouses, as well as for the survivors, too. The help is free, or you can pay a small fee to get a personal coach to help you ("you" being the wife OR the male survivor).
4)How do you support him after he is in treatment?
By getting my own feet back on solid ground, I'm no longer a threat to his recovery. He's no longer worried I'm going to leave him, or have a complete breakdown, or hang myself, etc. Now that I am healthier, he is becoming healthier as the memories are coming and he is starting to connect the dots. I'll continue to support him by being his sounding board, will participate in his counseling, if he so desires, and by providing a safe, stable environment for him in which to heal and grow.
5)How did you Support yourselves during this process?
At first, I ran around like I was on fire. I had NO clue what had happened; completely blindsided by it all. I suffered serious setbacks with incompetent counselors and, sorry to say, MS, before finding www.recoverynation.com.
6)Did you have friends that helped and understood?
I had a couple of friends who were compassionate and supportive of my conviction to save my husband and marriage, but this was too big for anyone to help, much less understand.
7) Did you have family that helped and understood?
See #6. Ironically, my 84-year-old father has been the most supportive of my husband. Because he is so supportive and compassionate toward my husband, I wonder if he experienced any of this in his own life....
8) Did you have a group that helped and understood?
Nope. Wish I did. Al-Anon was the closest I had, but it was not the answer because alcohol was not "the" problem. "The" problem was much, much deeper.
I hope this is of help to you, Martin. For what it's worth, I think you are one of the greatest contributors to MS.