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#380676 - 12/25/11 10:25 PM Encouragement for hubby
Thulas Offline


Registered: 07/13/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
It hurts to see my husband getting really angry at the tip of a hat. How do I invite him to the group here at MS without causing problems? Is it wise to read him some extracts that can encourage him from the posts here? He and his younger brother were sexually victimised by a male relative while they were 6 and 4 for almost six years. Their older brother witnessed this. They all are an angry bunch. Does it make it any better for them/him not to talk about it?

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If you want to accomplish the goals of your life, you have to begin with the spirit.

Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.

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#380762 - 12/26/11 07:39 PM Re: Encouragement for hubby [Re: Thulas]
sisterlove Offline


Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 3
my suggestion is wait for him to see you on this site and than tell him about it.You don't want him getting angry and shutting down and not talking to you anymore about his abuse.Which he may do if you are talking to strangers about his situation.He may not be ready just yet.But keep up the good work and support.You are a great wife!


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#380787 - 12/27/11 12:08 AM Re: Encouragement for hubby [Re: Thulas]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6514
Loc: Terminus
Originally Posted By: Thulas
I Does it make it any better for them/him not to talk about it?


He/they can't talk about it till they are good and ready. i would suggest however they "take a look on the internet" first.

I'm assuming they/he has disclosed to you. This does not give you license to bring things up unless he has allowed it before. But if you officially "know why" he has these explosions, you might tell him there are some "mighty good resources on the internet you might want to check out."

What may be bothering them is the myths of CSA survivors. I'd point them no-where except "gee Tim, you might find it interesting that the myths have been dispelled."

If you can take the keyboard, Google: "myths of male sex abuse children" The second or third hit brings you right to the myths section.

But I would not do a lot of "directing" or leading. Its a major scare-off.

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We don't need another hero! [Aunty Entity 1985]

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#380789 - 12/27/11 12:44 AM Re: Encouragement for hubby [Re: Still]
Thulas Offline


Registered: 07/13/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Johannesburg, South Africa
Yes he disclosed to me a year ago. Took my advice and went to government hospital for T. It all got sour and he stopped going in March within 2 months. Life has been filled with ups and downs.

Your advises will help me cope until he is ready. I am in constant prayer that he sees the need to heal soon. WHOME has just introduced me to a book Codependent no more. I think I need it to find myself first. Any other forums I can check-out while I anticipate his journey to happiness?

_________________________
If you want to accomplish the goals of your life, you have to begin with the spirit.

Surround yourself only with people who are going to lift you higher.

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#380836 - 12/27/11 02:19 PM Re: Encouragement for hubby [Re: Thulas]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6514
Loc: Terminus
Thulas,

I'm wondering if there's an "issue" with South Africa? I see a lot of American trauma clinicians going there for treatment seminars. My therapist did a ton of work with the sexually abused there. There a many S.A. members here (at least through the years). Is there a cultural issue that you observe causing a sex-abuse problem?

There are certain counties that have statistical clusters of membership here. i don't know if that's indicative of anything in-country, but I'm wondering if you can shed some light on it for me?

_________________________
We don't need another hero! [Aunty Entity 1985]

The Aftermath Video

My Absolute Hero!

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