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#333300 - 06/08/10 05:11 PM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: Ischyros]
jls Offline


Registered: 03/06/09
Posts: 1142
I think this kind of fantasy is common, much like a cop/prisoner fantasy is, or the straight interest in teacher/schoolgirl roleplays. In each of these examples there are elements of control or the loss of it, depending on the role you wish to play, which like I said is common in many people's fantasy life, whether they were sexually abused or not in their histories. As a survivor I think you just have to ask yourself whether realizing such fantasies is adding to your sexual fulfillment or detracts from other aspects of your life. If you feel its just for fun and of no consequence then that's fine. I've done the same. However, if deep down inside this type of fantasy feels like a way of working out past issues then I would be concerned since it will frustrate you rather than help you find understanding and closure in the end. JS

_________________________
Love is better than anger. Hope is better than fear. Optimism is better than despair. So let us be loving, hopeful and optimistic. And we’ll change the world.


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#334718 - 06/26/10 11:59 PM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: king tut]
oneofshay Offline


Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 1
You seem so intelligent and insightful. I agree with your reply.


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#372846 - 10/19/11 07:05 PM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: Sobernow]
Bearaffe Offline


Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 2
I hate to be controversial, but having been abused is not always the prerequisite for having an incest fetish. I was never abused by my father or any other male family member, at least until I was well into my teens and sought it out with cousins. But I have always been sexually attracted to older men, and within the last few years I discovered that this attraction included my own father. I was the kid who wanted to be molested, and never was. You could say I've blocked it, but I really don't believe that. I just happen to like older men.

No one ever pathologizes straight people when they are in intergenerational relationships. Older men used to marry young women all the time. No one ever asked those women if they had been abused. Teenage boys love MILFS, no one is suspecting them of being molested by their mothers.

It just so happens that mature, masculine men are a sexual icon. They are strong, handsome, experienced, hairy, muscular... sorry, I should stop before...

Anyway, don't think too hard about it. It is a shame that you were molested, but that is not what ultimately makes you attracted to the people you are attracted to. No one can force your taste. Plenty of people have been molested and turn out quite straight, TYVM. There is no reason why there has to be a sinister cause for every non traditional relationship.


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#372887 - 10/20/11 05:46 AM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: Bearaffe]
men_of_hrts.dbw Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/20/09
Posts: 301
Loc: Orchidland Big Island Hawaii
Reply Removed by Doug



Edited by men_of_hrts.dbw (10/20/11 05:51 AM)
Edit Reason: remarks were removed
_________________________
Doug>ASA Survivor (1x)
ECV 6001/MaTuCa Chapter 1849
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#372920 - 10/20/11 03:18 PM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: men_of_hrts.dbw]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
This is for Bearaffe Only

So what are you doing here then. I find your comments offensive and immature

If you feel this is how you were "BORN" well then you don't need to be here.
There are men here that have suffered tremendously, and if you are here to sow doubt and try and cause a stir then you are in the wrong place.
When you begin to learn what does and doesn't hurt or confuse survivors, and perhaps grow up a little, then you are welcome to post.

Till then find somewhere else to play.

_________________________
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#372928 - 10/20/11 05:21 PM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: whome]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 191
Loc: USA
I agree with Bearaffe. Their posting has some legitimate merit as well. To imply and or assume that Bearaffe is "playing around" .... is allegedly offensive and or immature is not necessarily a correct analysis of their posting's content.

I was born "gay" and me being attracted to men, older or not, has nothing to do with whether or not I was sexually abused as a child. YES, I was "BORN" this way. I am not a "lifestyle" or a "choice" as a gay man, just as a heterosexual man has no choice as to their attractions or sexual orientation. I am not a "preference" either! It's not like I can choose to be gay one day (at puberty etc) or not like deciding whether to wear a jacket or not outside, or whether to get drunk or not on a Friday evening at a party.

We all arrive in this world, without clothing, shoes, or a computer. But we all grow up to become aware of our gender, and at some point in time and developement we become aware of our sexuality. It's a gift from Creator, this life, our sexuality, our attractions, etc. Whether it is genetics (biological) or because Daddy did what he did to us, or whether it was because he didn't play enough Football with us, or because Mother was a psychotic B whack job of a woman/wife/mother I don't know.

I am responsible for my own person as an adult mentally, sexually and physically. If I post here, I do not expect to be told that my thoughts or my input is offensive, immature, and be told that I wasn't BORN this way, nor that I am trying to sow doubt/cause a stir/ that I am in the wrong place/ to grow up alittle. And then I can come back and post, simply because someone else disagree's with my thoughts and input onto this site.

For someone to do this, is offensive and immature! I am not here on this site to play around. I appreciate Bearaffe's posting because it does have merit. We all have our "issues" but we also don't need to be rejected either. I don't think Bearaffe was "playing around" and I certainly don't thnk that whome's rejection and asusmptions (my opinion here) reading Bearaffe's posting is really warranted. Just my .2 cents worth.


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#372989 - 10/21/11 01:29 AM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: Bearaffe]
whome Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 05/07/11
Posts: 1734
Loc: Johannesburg South Africa
I Apologize

I miss read the post, yes I do agree that some are born Gay, I have no problem with that, and that yes there might be a fantasy to have inessential relations with ones father.
I somehow missed the part where he said he was abused as a teenager, I do apologize. I was seeing red by the time I got to that.
I read his post as someone who had come here to "Stir things up".
This made me see red and I did not read properly.

So I do Publicly and unreservedly apologize to Bearaffe for my harsh response.
In future I promise to read and re read posts that anger me before posting a reply.

Bearaffe and the others I hope that you can accept my apology.
It was actually brave to have written what he did.

_________________________
Matrix Men South Africa
Survivors Supporting Each other
Matrix Men Blog

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#373029 - 10/21/11 04:14 PM Re: DAD/SON Incest Sexual Fetish [Re: whome]
Vadrian Offline


Registered: 09/10/11
Posts: 111
Loc: Pacific
As an incest victim, I do find it offensive for people who were not victims of incest to come out and tell us what our abuse did or didn't cause. Like the OP, I know that the sexual abuse of my older brother caused my later sexual fetishes (though not my homosexuality, and not involving 'older men' as my brother was 1.5 years older than I...) Fetishes are very different from sexual orientations; my homosexuality is also natural, but many other things aren't.

It becomes really hurtful sometimes to have your truths doubted and thrown into the mud by other people's desire to defend themselves and their sexual desires. There is not one 'rule' to cover everyone, you might like older men or have an incest fetish for some other reason, but I don't think that means the OP is wrong about what caused his. Too many people with fetishes want to attack you for bringing up that yours was caused by childhood. And generally, in fact, there are a lot of people out there who want to insist that absolutely nothing at all was caused by our childhood abuse, often because they haven't examined themselves or their own life at all.

It also really bothers me on gay forums when I've seen people talking about how "hot" brother/brother incest is, leaving out the rape, PTSD, blood, depression, ruined lives, lack of consent, dark secrets, etc. that are the reality. Having experienced it and read a lot of REAL older brother incest accounts, I don't think it's sexy.



Edited by Vadrian (10/21/11 05:02 PM)

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#373031 - 10/21/11 04:29 PM My thought on the matter of.... [Re: whome]
GeorgeMartin Offline


Registered: 12/29/07
Posts: 191
Loc: USA
I think that at times it is in our human nature to "see RED" and at first, I was a bit puzzled by what Bearaffe was attempting of convey. The one thing I did was notice that it was his very first post on this site. At least on the PUBLIC side of it anyway, and I do very much accept your apology whome. Thank you very kindly for doing so Matin.





Edited by GeorgeMartin (10/23/11 04:05 AM)

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#374462 - 11/06/11 02:23 PM Re: My thought on the matter of.... [Re: GeorgeMartin]
Bearaffe Offline


Registered: 10/19/11
Posts: 2
Sorry, But I've just had it. I spent years of my life questioning my sexuality, and then years questioning why my sexuality was oriented toward older men. Why should I question? Why should anyone question. Stop trying to be the victim and blaming everything on being the victim. No one ever told a woman she was attracted to older men because she was molested by her father. Taste can not be argued and it cannot be changed.

As to why I joined and posted that, there it is. NOT a victim of incest. YES it is a legitimate fetish, not always borne out of abuse. DEAL WITH IT.

If you happened to have been molested and happen to be gay and like older men, stop always trying to pathologize it. It could be worse. Straight boys who are molested by their fathers usually grow up to BEAT and KILL other gay men, rather than seeking them out for sex.



Edited by Bearaffe (11/06/11 02:24 PM)

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