Newest Members
jeremywickers, JScott12, TMatti2, DaiseyLady, uvagrad4
12501 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
Jeremy (29), john22 (31), just starting (58)
Who's Online
6 registered (Sonata1, Shyshark, 4 invisible), 16 Guests and 5 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12501 Members
74 Forums
64184 Topics
447875 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >
Topic Options
#380421 - 12/22/11 12:39 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: GoodHope]
Castle Offline


Registered: 10/03/09
Posts: 734
Loc: NJ
exactly my point....the religious counselor has a different motive in mind...and I hope you get some help with your spirituaity concerns and the CSA related concerns.

If you have cancer or heart disease do you goto an MD, who focuses on encology or cardiovascular specialist or a spiritual healer, who thinks god and prayer will make you better? But you can also do both, goto a DR and use your faith to hel get you through the illness.

_________________________

My posts can self destruct at any time..read them while you can.

Top
#380488 - 12/23/11 09:45 AM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: Castle]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
See "A Consumer's Guide to Therapist Shopping"

http://www.malesurvivor.org/consumers-guide.html


Top
#380636 - 12/25/11 05:50 AM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: OurLastChance]
Anniemy4sons Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/29/11
Posts: 98
Loc: NJ
A bad therapist. Its true that if its too soon to cover some issues in MC in hopes to save the marriage, its too soon. But the SAB is not an MC. They are concerned (it appears) with only your husband's needs and not those of the marriage OR yours. By not addressing them and leaving you in the cold. IS KILLING THE MARRIAGE. They both need a reality check and a wake up call. Marriage is two people.

You can only survive so long with this situation. Mark my words, if you don't get into therapy you marriage won't survive.

My husband and I did MC along with our own therapy. Let me tell you, if we didn't have a forum to discuss his infidelities and all the other stuff going on in our marriage. We would be completely finished by now. You need that communication. You need to be kept up to speed with what is going on with him. Keeping this from you is just damaging. I can't imagine what reason ANY therapist could have for saying "Great session today, don't tell your wife".

STUPID.

_________________________
God is my teacher, Jesus my comfort and the Holy Spirit my protector.
I AM Listening...

Thank you Mother Mary.
Pray the Rosary every day. http://www.comepraytherosary.org/

I BELIEVE IN HER PROMISE.

Top
#380644 - 12/25/11 03:29 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: OurLastChance]
OurLastChance Offline


Registered: 05/02/11
Posts: 32
Loc: USA
Thank you Ken. After seeing your post, I read the Consumers Guide and then discussed this with my IC. I also brought my IC up-to-date on some of my husband's odd disclosures which have surfaced lately.

My IC believes that either my husband is lying about the non-disclosure of SAB therapy or his therapist is actively going against the State's code of ethics. I believe it's the later.

My IC was also astounded to hear of his comment about the marriage counseling.

At this point my IC is also concerned about husband's suicidal threats when we argue and as so states husband should feel confortable enough to be discussing these thoughts with his therapist. Unfortunately I pointed out that husband is afraid to discuiss for fear of his therapist notifying the authorities. (I believe husband's IC advised him during his intake evaluation that this would occur if a situation of suicide thoughts should arise).


Certainly I will need to create a new list of requirements once the holidays are over. This has been taking it's toll on me for months and I need to begin dedicating time to myself and my future.


{The SAB specialist is no longer providing individual therapy to husband, instead he is currently in group therapy with a men's SAB group monitored by his SAB IC}.

I see I'm beginning to ramble, it's late and much to do tomorrow. Thanks for listening.


Top
#380870 - 12/27/11 10:00 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: OurLastChance]
OurLastChance Offline


Registered: 05/02/11
Posts: 32
Loc: USA
I took the opportunity today to Google my husband's therapist. I find it quite comical that he advertises the below services on his website:

Specialization-
- Childhood Trauma
- Post Traumatic Stress
- Marital & Relationship Problems

I really don't know which to believe, either my husband is lying or his therapist is playing mind games on him.


Top
#380935 - 12/28/11 09:23 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: OurLastChance]
OurLastChance Offline


Registered: 05/02/11
Posts: 32
Loc: USA
Today I went into my husband's old e-mail address to close it out since he no longer uses it (hasn't used it for the past 2 yrs). I came across an e-mail from his sister sent earlier this month on 12/5, which implied that he told her we were not doing very well. (None of his siblings know of his SAB or specialized therapy however, his therapist feels one brother and this sister were also sexually abused by their father).

The sister took his negative comments as our marriage was breaking up so she gave him some advice including a statement that indicated he should wait till the holidays were over to end it. I fell apart when I read this.

Why is it that he never has positive comments, why does he always have to tell people only the negative aspects. Is he looking for sympathy?

My husband was on the way to his evening group therapy with the quack when I called him tonight and asked when he was planning on telling me our marriage was over and he was leaving. After a bit of discussion, this came round back to the topic of his therapist and that indeed, our marriage will fail because of his exclusion of me in the therapy & his life. I stressed again that "we" need therapy together too and if we can just get a real SAB therapist that will see both of us, our stress levels can begin to come down.

Why is it that I, the survivor spouse has to fight twice as hard to keep their marriage together because the survivor doesn't see the warm, loving light at the end of the tunnel?

Robbie, sometimes the spouse has to walk away because they can no longer take the constant beatings of negativity from the survivor. When the survivor's spouse is finally down to the same emotional level as the survivor, who's there to pick them both up?






Edited by OurLastChance (12/28/11 09:35 PM)

Top
#380939 - 12/28/11 10:03 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: OurLastChance]
Ken Singer, LCSW Offline
Moderator Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/24/00
Posts: 5780
Loc: Lambertville, NJ USA
OLC:
I would tell my husband that I would want to meet with him and the therapist. If the therapist refuses, I would agree with your IC that something is not right and it sounds like the therapist is unethical or your husband is not giving you the straight poop.


Top
#381315 - 01/02/12 09:45 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: Ken Singer, LCSW]
OurLastChance Offline


Registered: 05/02/11
Posts: 32
Loc: USA
Husband offered to set-up a visit for me with his therapist and him, however, he advised the therapist would probably only go over the approach of the SAB therapy. He didn't feel his therapist would answer any of my questions or relate to me on feelings we should both be having and how to address them.

I turned down his offer, didn't feel it would address the true issues that have been hanging over our relationship. Feel like his IC has been doing more harm than good.


Top
#381317 - 01/02/12 09:56 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: OurLastChance]
George E. Offline


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 48
Loc: Kent, Washington
If I were you, and I am not, I would have made the appointment, regardless of the caveats that your husband was placing, and then, once in the session, I would have gone straight to get the answers to my issues. If the T refused to answer or address them properly, you knew then the ground you stood. Now, you can only guess ...



Edited by George E. (01/02/12 09:57 PM)
Edit Reason: to correct spelling mistake

Top
#381325 - 01/02/12 11:44 PM Re: Help!!! Need your input re: SAB therapist comment [Re: George E.]
OurLastChance Offline


Registered: 05/02/11
Posts: 32
Loc: USA
Thank you George for your honest opinion, I appreciate the input and agree, I may have bit my tongue.
It's not too late, I can still change my mind.


Top
Page 2 of 3 < 1 2 3 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.