How do you separate false romance from true love if you have neither truly experienced either. That was the main point in a play i just saw called "After Jerusalem" even tho it was about a hetero romance, the point is that it is really even more true for us. Its hard to negotiate that world of finding a real connection based on the crazy past, where the real you was always hidden especially from yourself.

Trading illusions for real intimacy is something I would love to know how other survivors have been able to negotiate. For me, its hard to let my guard down. I no longer feel that the CSA is something I have to hide but at the same time, I sometimes wonder if it will be possible to recognize something real.

I saw the play recently, La Cage aux Folles, and realized I had seen the orginial movie in french years ago. At the time, it went completely over my head. I just thot it was about odd entertainers,lol - I knew they were gay but it just seemed so foreign, i did not see myself as that at all. So now that i am what i am, i feel that my history of a lack of self awareness on one hand and my new found boundary mania on the other, may make any real connection for intimacy just another dream.

found this link:
http://bc-malesurvivors.com/wp-content/u...-Don-Wright.pdf

Thank you for the link.

This has my head spinning..I am so ready for a real relationship where I can feel truely equal.. till then I will just carry on.
Thanks for the link.

My T today asked if my relationships are more about contol than intimacy. Interesting though..head spinning once again..