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#379199 - 12/12/11 11:35 PM "early bloomer" & CSA
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3303
Loc: back in the USA
I'm not sure which forum this belongs in but will post it here.

Just wondering – is there any connection between boys who were unusually early or late going through puberty and a higher incidence of CSA?

It seems to me that many of my issues stem from being an “early bloomer” physically. I appeared to be sexually mature in size and secondary characteristics in “that” area much earlier than my peers – like by the age of 11. When most of them were just starting, or hadn’t started to develop yet, I looked finished below the belt. But the rest of my body – height, weight, and other proportions were still very immature and normal for my age. I felt like a freak.

I think this also made me more of a target for pervs and perps. I became the unwilling center of unwanted attention and a magnet for verbal harassment, physical and emotional bullying and sexual experimentation and molestation.

And as a result, I have a continuing fixation on my appearance and size and comparison with other guys and a fear and extreme self-consciousness and shame of being seen naked, even though the rest of my body eventually caught up.

I know this also has been a big factor in periodically searching out gay porn sites where many of the models pictured are above average in size. I could reassure myself that I was not the only one and that gave me a sense of “normalcy” in spite of a very abnormal situation. Even better, I could see that these guys were admired, envied and idolized instead of being subject to the humiliation I experienced. Maybe an attempt on my part to re-write history by identifying with them instead of being my uncomfortable self?

I know that some of the CSA events in my life would have happened anyway because they were based on opportunity and I just happened to be the available boy body that was present and vulnerable. But numerous others seemed to happen BECAUSE I was such a novelty and physical prodigy.

Any studies or articles that you all know of on this topic?

Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#379344 - 12/13/11 08:49 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
traveler,

I am NOT sure about "studies" in this topic. I felt like a freak as I was an early bloomer.

My size was an attraction for my abusers.

Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#379364 - 12/13/11 11:06 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: Avery46]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3303
Loc: back in the USA
Thanks, Avery, for responding. Helps a little to know I'm not the only one. Still lots of pain attached to the issue, tho...

traveler/Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#379367 - 12/13/11 11:13 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6811
Loc: USA
We had a thread a few months ago on development as it related to abuse issues. Here is a link to the thread:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=358928

Puffer





Edited by pufferfish (12/13/11 11:18 PM)

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#379376 - 12/14/11 12:02 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: pufferfish]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3303
Loc: back in the USA
Thanks, Puffer, for the link. Lots on here I haven't discovered yet. Reading that was helpful - just knowing reasons - understanding the whole context, i guess. Still would like to know more...
Lee

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

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#379423 - 12/14/11 10:19 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Lee- same for me. Six feet tall at eleven years old. A "freak" above and below the belt.

The truth of the matter, I believe today (or want to), is that the other boys were jealous and we know how children's jealousy can be translated to malicious cruelty. Their problem became my problem, and I carry it to this day.

Spot on with the porn thing too. Adult porn stars/models are NOT AVERAGE MEN. I think we all know this in our hearts and minds when we have sane moments, but when we "go there" - all bets are off.

Best-
K.-


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#379482 - 12/14/11 07:54 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: ksequoia]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3303
Loc: back in the USA
Thanks, K, for weighing in. I know that much of the stuff that happened to me at school - bullying and beyond - was originally motivated by curiosity and possibly/probably envy. These were my peers as well as older guys. But at some point it escalated from just looking and comparing to mob mentality and gang-bang type attitude. The ironic thing is that these were the "macho" guys and jocks doing perverted stuff. But I was the one that got the bad rep as a "fag", while they were just "being boys" and had their masculinity unblemished. Don't understand that - maybe cuz they were the aggressors and I was the passive one? Definitely part of the equation was that they could get me aroused against my will - that's still a huge source of inner conflict.

_________________________
We are often troubled, but not crushed;
sometimes in doubt, but never in despair;
there are many enemies, but we are never without a friend;
and though badly hurt at times, we are not destroyed.
- Paul, II Cor 4:8-9

Top
#379820 - 12/17/11 08:00 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Hi Traveler:

I think I posted about the incident when I (the fag) was taken into the woods by the "macho" mob, had my jeans yanked down and my behind branded with a red hot beer can, which had been roasting in a campfire just for this purpose. The leader of the pack was instructing "Blow me - or else...."

I took the branding as my option and then ran like hell.

This memory still haunts me. Were they just "being boys?"

Now I wanna go puke.

k.-


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#380102 - 12/19/11 11:08 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: ksequoia]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6361
Loc: 2 NATO Nations
I've studied it. As for the question "does csa cause early or late onset of puberty?" It seems more that early is the mode, but through conversations with many, I've found very late onset to be very common among survivors. For me, it was 15.5. The absolute last in my class of 350, as pointed out by the oh-so understanding others in gym showers, etc.

_________________________
Jesus Loves The Hell Outta Me!

Still's Globs

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#380773 - 12/26/11 09:00 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: Still]
dinger57 Offline


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 3
Loc: PA (Near Harrisburg)
I was a early bloomer and I made sure others seen me down their. Mostly when I took showers after gym class. It was such a turn on. I had hair before must of did.


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