Newest Members
kk90, Austintexan, Cancan, LS, PaulnMA
12256 Registered Users
Today's Birthdays
closerthenveins (26), Nvolpicelli (24), Sven (19)
Who's Online
3 registered (WriterKeith, 2 invisible), 52 Guests and 4 Spiders online.
Key: Admin, Global Mod, Mod
Forum Stats
12256 Members
73 Forums
63116 Topics
441390 Posts

Max Online: 418 @ 07/02/12 07:29 AM
Twitter
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >
Topic Options
#375127 - 11/12/11 09:32 PM Phobias? **Possible Triggers** (And Other Things)
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
I guess the therapist is right. I'm an analyzer by nature. I try to be careful with it, sometimes I can lose myself in the details...

This isn't from the two lists he has me working on, but it kind of came out of those lists. Things I'm really starting to notice now, and things I've figured out that they're related to. The issue is, yeah, I've figured them out and noticed them, but I don't know how to go about repairing it. And it's infuriating.

-----------------

1.) Belts. Can't do belts anymore. I've gone over to suspenders. I never used to have an issue with belts. But I can't touch them anymore. One of the things they did was rip the belt off my slacks and use it on me like a choke collar and leash. Haven't been able to stand them ever since. Can't wear them. Can't touch them. It comes flying back at me in full living color if I try. I've gotten rid of all of mine as a result.

2.) Can't stand the smell of vanilla anymore. One of the girls smelled like that.

3.) Can't stand jasmine either for the same reason, one of the other girls smelled like it.

4.) I can't do groups. I get crazy around them. Edgy, antsy, like I can't settle down. Like I'm getting smothered. I always end up either yelling at someone and walking away, or just running from the situation altogether. It's bad even with people I know - it's a hundred times worse if it's groups of people I'm not familiar with. There was eight of them in my case. Even the chatroom here, I tried one night, had a very hard time with it.

Even a grocery store is hard. I only last a few minutes, and then I'm bolting for the door. I usually wind up having to pick up my groceries in multiple trips. As in, only a few minutes in the store at a time, pay for what I've got, get outside into the car and give myself a few minutes, then go back in.

5.) Touch. Unless it's from my kids or my sis, I pull back quickly. I keep a lot of physical space between me and other people now.

6.) Beer. Can't STAND the smell of it anymore. It was all over one of the males, he was drunk off his ass, and strung out on something, to boot. I smell it, and I get nauseous as hell, if not actually puke. Guess it's a good thing I was never much of a drinker.

--------------

No amount of telling myself these things are 'fine' works. I've even tried telling myself that it's letting them win if I freak out over it or run from it. That doesn't seem to work either. If I try the exposure-to-desensitize thing with it, I get crazy. They bring things back hardcore. Like moving pictures and sounds in the mind. Hell, sometimes the sensations come with it. Any combination of it. Might just be visuals, might just be the sounds, might just be the sensations - there's times I can still feel blows landing and things like that.

Acquired phobias? I think that's what they are. Haven't had much luck with strategies for dealing with them though. Is this common or am I just a schmuck and letting it bother me too much? It ticks me off something awful. I feel like it SHOULDN'T bother me, it's letting them win, it's giving them an after-the-fact laugh. But I haven't found anything yet that works for making it NOT bother me.

Going to bring it up to the therapist on the next session, I guess. I've only had two meetings with him so far, the next one isn't for two weeks, so I wrote it down on a notepad paper that's up on my fridge so I don't forget about it.

I don't think I'm really looking for a response. I just needed to air this stuff I guess. And talking out loud about it doesn't seem to work, the words don't make it past my throat. But I seem able to write. So.. I'm writing.



Edited by TheTwoOfUs (12/14/11 05:02 AM)
_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

Top
#375155 - 11/13/11 07:56 AM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 161
i hope you find healing and peace.

_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

Top
#375252 - 11/14/11 01:51 AM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: Tyr]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
Thanks, Tyr, I appreciate the gesture. Anything worth having, is worth fighting for...

I'm finding that sometimes just airing it out helps a little. I really owe my sis lots for that... she practically twisted my arm to at least write, and it really seems to help. Makes it a little less intense... if that makes sense.

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

Top
#378794 - 12/09/11 07:52 AM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 161
that is a lengthy and reasonable list of triggering items. your therapist could probably use probing questions to determine which of those could be placed on a hierarchy. at the least i hope you can find a way to work past the touch so that you can receive tactile support from others who care. good luck guy

_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

Top
#379097 - 12/12/11 01:30 AM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: Tyr]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
It's a pretty thorough list, I think, and I did print it out and bring it with me for the T to look over. So far, working on the groups thing since that's the most integral to being able to function in daily life. Right now that is so intense it makes doing a lot of things damn near f*ing impossible.

Chat's getting a little easier, though I still find that I go silent or shut down slightly if it gets very busy. But to be around a group of people, face-to-face... depending on the group and the situation, I've had it actually induce panic attacks and flashbacks before.

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

Top
#379212 - 12/13/11 12:52 AM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 161
you seem like a cool dude matthew. keep up your work smile

_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

Top
#379322 - 12/13/11 06:23 PM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: Tyr]
Chase Eric Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/25/10
Posts: 1274
Just a quick shout out to you Matthew -

I'm totally in your corner. I know what you mean when chat gets busy. Don't be afraid to pull me up into the tree house or into private chat if you see me!

_________________________



Click my pic to see why I'm here

Top
#379394 - 12/14/11 03:32 AM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: Chase Eric]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
And just when you think the sucker punches have stopped coming, you get hit with another one... except this one you saw coming and tried to prepare yourself for, but it hit in a place you weren't expecting or couldn't possibly have defended from.

I don't get it, really. Why it's easier to deal with the sliver of uncertainty surrounded by a lot of strong suspicions than it is to deal with the hard facts of numbers and values staring at you from a piece of paper in black ink.

Very numb tonight. I have six... part of me is yelling at myself that we expected this and that we already more or less knew what the lab results would show, part of me is just angry, part of me wants to cry but doesn't know how to, and then there's the overwhelming numbness.

Not feeling anything tonight but the numbness.

Everything is a million miles away.

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

Top
#379494 - 12/14/11 09:02 PM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
TheTwoOfUs Offline


Registered: 11/03/11
Posts: 149
Loc: USA
The numbness is gone. Just angry tonight. And a little isolated, I think. Not sure where I'm going from here.

Have a session with the T in the morning... lab results coming with me, sis wants to go on this one as well, so I guess at the least it'll be me and sis and the baby/toddler who's not school age yet...

Angry. Isolated. Frustrated. Not with sis, not with the baby... just the situation as a whole... maybe myself, too.

Need to hit something.

_________________________
Matthew

Adapt. Overcome. Survive.

Top
#379502 - 12/14/11 10:06 PM Re: Phobias? **Possible Triggers** [Re: TheTwoOfUs]
Tyr Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 10/05/11
Posts: 161
Good luk Matthew!

_________________________
Once you hear the details of victory, it is hard to distinguish it from a defeat.

Top
Page 1 of 4 1 2 3 4 >


Moderator:  ModTeam, peroperic2009 

I agree that my access and use of the MaleSurvivor discussion forums and chat room is subject to the terms of this Agreement. AND the sole discretion of MaleSurvivor.
I agree that my use of MaleSurvivor resources are AT-WILL, and that my posting privileges may be terminated at any time, and for any reason by MaleSurvivor.