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#379355 - 12/13/11 10:18 PM What did YOUR people miss?
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Warning signs/symptoms of sexual abuse



The following is a list of
Warning signs/symptoms of sexual abuse:

Just wondering what your parents or teachers or caretakers may have missed:


1-Explicit and sometimes bizarre sexual knowledge
2-Precocious sexually related experimentation and speech
3-Toilet training relapses
4-Smearing of feces and /or urine
5-Gagging and unexplained vomiting
6-Speech problems
7-Regressive behavior
8-Masturbation
9-Withdrawal from normal human contact
10-Stomach and head pains
11-Bedwetting
12-Suicidal depression
13-Self destructive tendencies
14-Excessive fear of selected individuals and/or locations
15-Loss of appetite
16-Unexplained bruises or injuries in genital areas
17-Blood spotting or unexplained substances in underwear
18-Abrupt or radical behavioral or attitude changes
19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth
20-Ulcers, colitis, anorexia or other stress related disorders
21-Alcohol or drug abuse
22-Frequent nightmares
23-Inability to sleep
24-Excessive passivity
25-Vaginal or urinary tract infections
26-Infections of the mouth, gums and throat
27-Venereal disease
28-Unexplained gifts from adults
29-Presence of extra money
30-Presence of pornography

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#379357 - 12/13/11 10:21 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
For me, the big ones were:

2-Precocious sexually related experimentation and speech - to an off-the-hook extreme with other boys from age 8 to 15.

4-Smearing of feces and /or urine - as a sexual release

8-Masturbation from - age 8-on

24-Excessive passivity - This one was HUGE to the point of annoyance of many adults.

19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth

22-Frequent nightmares

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#379375 - 12/13/11 11:52 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Still]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Yup - For me the biggies from your list were:

8-Masturbation
12-Suicidal depression
14-Excessive fear of selected individuals and/or locations
18-Abrupt or radical behavioral or attitude changes
19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth
22-Frequent nightmares

I'd add:

Extreme withdrawal and flattening of emotions
Sleep walking and talking
Migraines
Obsessive thought patterns
Worry/preoccupation with self-image & appearance
Rashes and "allergic" skin conditions
Escape into fantasy/imaginary world
Hermit-like avoidance of others
Periods of unawareness of surroundings

Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#379447 - 12/14/11 03:43 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: traveler]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1428
Loc: California
Mine missed that I was a psychotic mess by the time I was 10 years old.

They never took the time to actually talk to me.

Bastards.

D

_________________________
If I'm acting despondent, Please ask me if I'm eating sugar. I keep forgetting sugar makes me crazy.

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#379466 - 12/14/11 05:41 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Magellan]
Logan81 Offline


Registered: 01/28/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Lubbock, TX
Yup, definitely related to several of those:

1-Explicit and sometimes bizarre sexual knowledge
2-Precocious sexually related experimentation and speech
8-Masturbation
9-Withdrawal from normal human contact
19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth (I kept this one incredibly well-hidden, though)
24-Excessive passivity
30-Presence of pornography


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#379484 - 12/14/11 07:56 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Logan81]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 106
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
From the list:

1-Explicit and sometimes bizarre sexual knowledge
2-Precocious sexually related experimentation and speech
8-Masturbation
9-Withdrawal from normal human contact
10-Stomach and head pains
14-Excessive fear of selected individuals and/or locations
15-Loss of appetite
22-Frequent nightmares
23-Inability to sleep
24-Excessive passivity

The biggest thing my parents missed was when our next door neighbour was arrested and convicted of abusing boys on the baseball team he coached. My parents knew that one of my friends and I spent a lot of time with him, and that I spent time with him alone as well. They never asked if I was ok or if anything happened. My parents were totally unconcerned that we lived next door to a convicted pedophile and knew full well that I spent time alone with him because they didn't care. They didn't give a damn.

_________________________
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

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#379488 - 12/14/11 08:08 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: ShortedDiode]
phoenix321 Offline


Registered: 09/26/11
Posts: 912
Loc: USA, FL
2-Precocious sexually related experimentation and speech
7-Regressive behavior
8-Masturbation
9-Withdrawal from normal human contact
10-Stomach and head pains
11-Bedwetting
13-Self destructive tendencies
14-Excessive fear of selected individuals and/or locations
19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth
20-Ulcers, colitis, anorexia or other stress related disorders
22-Frequent nightmares
23-Inability to sleep
24-Excessive passivity
30-Presence of pornography

"I'd add:

Extreme withdrawal and flattening of emotions
Sleep walking and talking
Migraines
Worry/preoccupation with self-image & appearance
Escape into fantasy/imaginary world
Hermit-like avoidance of others"

Yep, add all those too from like 4-up. Had an hernia then ulcer real young (under 10). #14 more along the lines of abandonment. My sperm donor was a physically and emotionally abusive ass. The threatened to keep me back in Kindergarten and that makes sense since the CSA happened at 3 1/2. Got nude mags at 10-11.



Edited by phoenix321 (12/14/11 08:11 PM)
Edit Reason: add
_________________________
Phoenix

A guy opens the front door and sees a snail on his doorstep. He picks up the snail and throws it across the street in a neighbor's yard. A year later, the guy opens the front door and the same snail is on his doorstep. The snail says, "What the f*ck was that about?"

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#379489 - 12/14/11 08:26 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: phoenix321]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
.



Edited by limit (12/17/11 05:33 PM)

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#379491 - 12/14/11 08:27 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: phoenix321]
traveler Online   confused
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3493
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Just want to add here - when i was a kid there wasn't much awareness of psychological issues - that was just for the "crazy" people. The rest of us middle class whites were OK! I'm sure my step-father - one of the perps - had no idea that my weird symptoms - whichever ones he was aware of - and there were many he knew about - because he used them to justify his treatment of me as a pathetic failure and less than human - were in any way related to his actions. And my mom was adamantly and willfully and stubbornly in denial - so she was aware of only the syptoms she couldn't avoid or deny - ones that impacted her life - but acted as tho they had no significance - they were jsut inconveniecnes - while she ignored or was honestly/ignorantly oblivious or blind to the rest.

Lee

_________________________
As my life goes on I believe somehow something's changed
Something deep inside...
I've been searchin so long to find an answer
Now I know my life has meaning
Now I see myself as I am, feeling very free...
When my tears have come to an end I will understand
What I left behind: a part of me. Chicago


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#379492 - 12/14/11 08:49 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: traveler]
Survivinguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/22/09
Posts: 310
Loc: Colorado
1-Explicit and sometimes bizarre sexual knowledge
2-Precocious sexually related experimentation and speech
9-Withdrawal from normal human contact
10-Stomach and head pains
12-Suicidal depression
13-Self destructive tendencies
17-Blood spotting or unexplained substances in underwear
19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth
21-Alcohol or drug abuse
22-Frequent nightmares
23-Inability to sleep
24-Excessive passivity

And an extension of 17 - when I had significant blood loss during a bowel movement, being terrified when my Mom found out and equally terrified she would tell my Dad (my primary abuser) - literrally begging her to promise she wouldn't tell him and her laughing at my concern and immediately telling him (which then guaranteed him physically torturing me later).

Add - inexplicable anger to the point my Fourth Grade teacher wrote in my grade report that I as an angry kid and that I "had a chip on my shoulder". Really? I was in fourth grade and you thought I had a chip on my shoulder? Way to go Mrs. Dunning!

_________________________
Survivinguy

============================================
I have to survive and I hope to thrive.

Alumni Dahlonega WoR May 2010
Alumni Sequoia WoR March 2012

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#379568 - 12/15/11 10:34 AM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: ShortedDiode]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Originally Posted By: ShortedDiode
My parents were totally unconcerned that we lived next door to a convicted pedophile and knew full well that I spent time alone with him because they didn't care. They didn't give a damn.


Ho lee fuck dude!!!! If you just heard a long scream, that was me. I am SO sorry!

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#379569 - 12/15/11 10:37 AM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Still]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I did not expect to see these responses. I did...but actually hoped-not.

How did we get here? How did we get this far. HOW the fk did we get THIS FAR.

This is beyond what my feeble mind can handle.

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#379613 - 12/15/11 05:46 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Still]
ShortedDiode Offline


Registered: 11/26/11
Posts: 106
Loc: Hamilton, ON Canada
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
Originally Posted By: ShortedDiode
My parents were totally unconcerned that we lived next door to a convicted pedophile and knew full well that I spent time alone with him because they didn't care. They didn't give a damn.


Ho lee fuck dude!!!! If you just heard a long scream, that was me. I am SO sorry!


Thanks for the kind words. They mean a lot to me because nobody cared at the time. I've been trying to write an introduction and I was planning to explain about the neighbour and other things but I keep having false starts. Maybe if I try to explain about just the neighbour only it'll help me get over the block.

Several years after the abuse from the neighbour took place, I was coming home from class or my part time job when I got out of the subway and saw a news helicopter flying low above our neighbourhood. It was really low. I thought there might have been a bad accident on one of the main roads that it was covering or something until I was almost home and I realized it was right over top of my parents house.

That was bizarre, there was nothing going on outside, so I went in and asked my mother what was going on. She didn't know, so we turned on the TV and I got on the internet and that's when we found the news coverage that the guy next door had been arrested accused of abusing boys from the baseball team he coached, including a view or our neighbourhood from above from that helicopter showing our house next to his, the street, and a few of the other neighbours houses. This played out in the media for a few days, then it died down until the trial and conviction happened and he was sent to jail.

He'd lived next door to my family for over 10 years, probably close to a good 15 years. My friend who lived across the street and I, who weren't on the baseball team, spent time with him together and both of us alone at different times and my parents knew this. I don't know if he ever abused my friend; I've never worked up the courage to ask. The only thing my parents ever said about the whole thing was that they guessed they didn't really know the guy. The never asked if anything happened when my friend and I were with him or on the occasions I was alone with him, including several trips out of town.

I guess this isn't something my folks missed, but something they deliberately chose to let slide by since they knew damn well these news reports were about the guy next door I used to spend time with because his picture was in the paper and on TV in the news reports. I can't imagine anybody else's parents letting something like that go, but it's just more of the same don't care, can't give a damn attitude from my parents.

I guess it's easier to explain the situation in a little bit at a time; I'll have to sit down and have another go at writing that introduction later.

_________________________
If it's a choice between laughing or crying, I'd rather laugh.

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#379618 - 12/15/11 06:18 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: ShortedDiode]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
I guess it's easier to explain the situation in a little bit at a time; I'll have to sit down and have another go at writing that introduction later. [/quote]

Yeah well...I want to make another video for the intentionally blind...the intentionally ignorant...the intentionally too busy...the intentionally trusting that "it would never actually happen to MY son." And the, this is a fine neighborhood fucktards.......oh fk it all....

Oooops! Do I sound bitter again??

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#382980 - 01/20/12 08:38 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Survivinguy]
trb1345 Offline


Registered: 03/09/11
Posts: 73
Loc: NY
Being the youngest in the family, I'd say more than just my parents missed a few things.

3-Toilet training relapses
9-Withdrawal from normal human contact
19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth
24-Excessive passivity

I totally withdrew from people.

Tommy

_________________________
Inside all of us there's a wild thing.

-My favorite book.

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#383006 - 01/21/12 01:00 AM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: trb1345]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6573
Loc: Never Sugar Mountain
Tommy,

I'm sorry they missed all of that. Your avatar looks so recent and present. It makes me want to holler at all of them for missing it all.

Good choice in favorite books too.
You'll see the same with my location.
That book was a HUGE comfort to me for some reason. Its not really a "comforting" book by intent...by it brought me tremendous comfort from the second-grade-on. I ordered it myself from the pass-around sheet for buying books.

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#383017 - 01/21/12 10:18 AM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Survivinguy]
trb1345 Offline


Registered: 03/09/11
Posts: 73
Loc: NY
@ Survivinguy:

"Add - inexplicable anger to the point my Fourth Grade teacher wrote in my grade report that I as an angry kid and that I "had a chip on my shoulder". Really? I was in fourth grade and you thought I had a chip on my shoulder? Way to go Mrs. Dunning!"


Two of my older sibs both said I had a "chip" on my shoulder (word for word with yours) once the abuse started, which they didn't know about. I too was in fourth grade. I too wonder why no one said anything, especially given the age difference between us (10yrs and 6yrs older than me). But I think we can play the "could've, would've, should've" game as much as we want, but it may not be the most productive thing, especially for me.



Edited by trb1345 (01/21/12 10:24 AM)
_________________________
Inside all of us there's a wild thing.

-My favorite book.

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#383021 - 01/21/12 12:20 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Still]
timetested Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/26/11
Posts: 30
I'd have to go with these:

1-Explicit and sometimes bizarre sexual knowledge
2-Precocious sexually related speech
7-Regressive behavior
8-Masturbation
9-Withdrawal from normal human contact
11-Bedwetting
14-Excessive fear of selected individuals and/or locations
18-Abrupt or radical behavioral or attitude changes
19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth
22-Frequent nightmares
23-Inability to sleep

That said, masturbation is a natural act. I would have to modify that by adding "excessive."

I'd also add rage, particularly against authority figures (adults), and a tendency to escape into fantasy worlds I created for myself.


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#383030 - 01/21/12 02:21 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: timetested]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2451
Loc: TEXAS
Hi, my fraternal brothers.

Way back in the 1940's & 1950's I don't think that much was known or said about CSA.
Hell, not much was said about the emotional, physical & mental abuse then either.

My list.
#7-Regressive behavior
#8-Masturbation*
#14-Excessive fear of selected individuals and/or locations**
#15-Abrupt or radical behavioral or attitude changes.***
#19-Lack of self-esteem or self worth.****
#24-Excessive passivity.

*-Masturbation for me became a way of life. Excessive and compulsive right up to this day.

**Fear of selected individuals..My "mom." The very person who brought this "precious gift from God." into the world. I feared for my life. From 8 yrs old on I had always told her that i wished that she was DEAD.

***Abrupt or radical behavioral or attitude changes. I was a terror in school from the beginning. Starting in the 3rd & 4Th grades my "mom" was asked to transfer me to another school as they couldn't tame me.
I remember being taken to a hospital/clinic where a nurse (or someone in a white coat) had separated me from my "mom," taken me to a room and having me do various things all the while talking to me and having everything transcribed onto a Dictaphone machine. This went on for months. Then while there I was taken into a darkened room and had wires hooked up to my head and on the other end was a recording machine, sort of like those that make those squiggly lines on paper, sort of like a lie detector or earthquake machines do. I never did find out what that was all about. I was around 11-14 years old.

****Lack of self-esteem or self worth. My "mom" had drilled into this little/young boys mind and soul that he was worthless, useless, would never amount to anything, unwanted boy for the first 17 years of my life. I had believed it, I had lived my life believing all of it. I started on my alcoholic career at 16. I wake up every day telling myself that it was all a lie, i'm trying to convince myself she was dead wrong. It has taken me a long time coming to terms with that.

Adding to what our brother timetested said, lack of respect for authority. (A real tough one for me in the military.)
Fantasy worlds also.

Fortunately, I was taken from her at 10 years old into an Catholic orphanage/Home for four years there I was wanted & loved. I was 10-14 years old there. I have always considered that there is where my life had begun.

What did YOUR people miss?

EASY as it was my "MOM."

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Heal well, my brothers, heal well.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#383272 - 01/23/12 07:27 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: ShortedDiode]
lapchinj Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 06/07/11
Posts: 1235
Loc: New York
Peace,Rainbows & Healing


Edited by lapchinj (03/17/13 11:35 PM)
_________________________
Stick around, It will get better....

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#387549 - 02/27/12 08:34 PM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: Survivinguy]
atari_kid86 Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/23/10
Posts: 130
Loc: Michigan
1-Explicit and sometimes bizarre sexual knowledge

2-Precocious sexually related experimentation and speech

6-Speech problems

7-Regressive behavior

8-Masturbation

10-Stomach and head pains

12-Suicidal depression

13-Self destructive tendencies

14-Excessive fear of selected individuals and/or locations

18-Abrupt or radical behavioral or attitude changes

19-Lack of self-esteem or self-worth

21-Alcohol or drug abuse

22-Frequent nightmares

23-Inability to sleep

24-Excessive passivity

30-Presence of pornography

The list covers a lot of it for me. Special emphasis on 21: I kept a bottle of rum in what was my crayon box. Talk about messed up...


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#387604 - 02/28/12 09:21 AM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: lapchinj]
Drop Offline


Registered: 04/16/11
Posts: 121
Well seeing as my parents were the main abusers... but there was still plenty of signs people like my soccer coach and teachers at school should have picked up on. Or the neighbours, when they heard me or my brother screaming, again.

-Unexplained bruises and cuts, even if i got good at making up excuses when I got older. There were to many and to often. My back now looks like people that got tortured in prison or something, covered in scars
-Fixation at food, since we often didnt get feed properly at home, or not at all
-Dirty, illfitting clothes with holes etc
-Parents never coming to even one soccermatch or talk or other official schoolthing.
-Figthing not to fall asleep at school after another sleepless night at home or at the streets.
-Hanging around outside around midnight and later at the age of 7 or 8.
-Moodchanges, i could be the classclown one second but then when someone sneaked up on me or touched my shoulder unexpectedly i could get really mad or jumpy
-Drawings, sometimes my drawings were way to dark for a 6 year old
-Staying home from school 'sick' atleast once a month or every other month
-Extreme fear of having to undress for gym in the presence of other kids
-Not having gym clothes, or food for playtime in elementary school, not having anything to give the kids at school when it was my bday, not getting presents at my bday or sinterklaas (wich is like a dutch santaclaus).
-Refusing to sit at Sinterklaas's lap (because i was sure if he looked me up in his book he would find out what a bad boy i really was)
-Drastic changes in schoolwork, i was a smart kid but my work went from top of the class to bottom of the class atleast a couple of times each year.
-when asked in group 3 (6 and 7 year olds) what kind of job your parents had i explained 'my father drinks beer in his tvchair'.
-Beating up kids pretty badly when they treathened my younger brother, i was extremely protective of him, yet could not always protect him from my parents though..
-From time to time being unable to sit on my chair for a long time without standing up when the teacher wasnt looking or fidgeting
-In group 3 when asked what certain things are used for, i piped in and said belts are for beating bad kids, out of the blue
-having a kid pointing out my underwear was bloody when changing for gym, when a teacher was within hearingdistance
-Missing soccer trainings and matches all the time even though i was probably the most fanatic and enthousiastic player he had
-My dad chasing me with his belt when i ran out of the house i was about 6 years old, then dragging me back in when he catched me. That was when he was on occasion still faster then me. Didnt take long before he couldnt catch up with me anymore but he was still stronger and i knew that i had to come home eventually anyway..And then punishment would be even more severe.

Trigger!
-and probably the biggest one, i offered to give my group 4 teacher a blowjob if he wouldnt call my parents about my schoolwork and not participating in class. He refused..Not sure what he then said or did but like a few days after that we moved and i got beaten up so badly at home i can almost still feel it. I was 7 years old at the time.

_________________________
Broken eyed and shutdown
Running down the road
Send me straight to hell
Watch me burn, watch me burn

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#387605 - 02/28/12 09:36 AM Re: What did YOUR people miss? [Re: lapchinj]
JustScott Offline
Greeter Emeritus
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 01/27/08
Posts: 2589
My parents missed absolutely everything. I was still wetting the bed at 11/12 years old. Among many other things.

I remember after I told my parents about everything a few years ago, after about a day of processing it all, my mom made the comment that she always wondered why I was so angry all the time....

She was always absorbed in her own things to notice what was going on with her kids. During the summer we'd literally spend ALL day outside and at times were so far away in the woods etc that even if she had been screaming for us at the top of her lungs we wouldn't have heard.... yet I never remember her saying she had called for us and gotten no response....

So yeah, pretty much everything was missed.


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