Some of the victims's lives have gotten worse ... Does anyone know if this is common ?
That happened in my life. And yes I would assume it is common. The abuse seems to set in motion a bunch of ongoing processes which make life increasingly difficult for the abused kid. Here are some of these that come to mind.
1. Family difficulties. The kid now has anger issues which cannot be handled on his own. He often becomes angry with family members. This leads to a degradation of family relationships.
2. Social difficulties. The kid no longer relates to other kids. This seems especially true if the abuse involved other children. So the kid becomes increasingly isolated. He can no longer make and keep friends. So he becomes increasingly alone and hurting.
3. Acting out difficulties. This fits with the preceding points. The kid may act out what was done to him on other children. Or the child may have increased sex play with kids who might be friends. This spreads the problems to other children and contributes to the isolation of the abused kid.
4. There may be actual physical difficulties. The kid may develop digestive problems, like IBS (irritable bowel syndrome). He may start bed wetting, resulting in increased problems within his family. He may have increased allergies. Headaches might become common.
5. Problems in school. The kid may develop ADHD, or dyslexia or some other reading or learning problem. In a normal family (whatever that is) they would be able to help him with these problems, but now they are preoccupied and absorbed with maintaining some semblance of order in their family structure. The same goes on in school. The teachers become so busy and committed to their routine that they have no time to help a single hurting kid.
6. The kid within himself is possibly fighting all kinds of depression and anxiety and the imposed negative self-image from the abuse. Now he has increasingly less resources to help him with these problems. He can't even reach out for help.
So the effect is a spiralling downward kind of thing. Each negative effect is feeding upon the other. Things become worse and worse. This has become a feedback loop.
I have "been there, done that".
Allen
pufferfish
