I would honestly say to you, "find some help my friend"
Your vicious rape a short time ago will affect you deeply, and there is help available.
I don't live in the US, but I'm sure that some of the guys here will help you find somewhere.
Any kind of sex attack, at any age, traumatises us. We sometimes believe that drink and drugs will make the pain go away as well, it doesn't. Proper help is essential.
But keep coming here, we're a bunch of guys who give all the support we can.
Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined. As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler.
Henry David Thoreau