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#379199 - 12/12/11 11:35 PM "early bloomer" & CSA
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3641
Loc: somewhere in Africa
I'm not sure which forum this belongs in but will post it here.

Just wondering – is there any connection between boys who were unusually early or late going through puberty and a higher incidence of CSA?

It seems to me that many of my issues stem from being an “early bloomer” physically. I appeared to be sexually mature in size and secondary characteristics in “that” area much earlier than my peers – like by the age of 11. When most of them were just starting, or hadn’t started to develop yet, I looked finished below the belt. But the rest of my body – height, weight, and other proportions were still very immature and normal for my age. I felt like a freak.

I think this also made me more of a target for pervs and perps. I became the unwilling center of unwanted attention and a magnet for verbal harassment, physical and emotional bullying and sexual experimentation and molestation.

And as a result, I have a continuing fixation on my appearance and size and comparison with other guys and a fear and extreme self-consciousness and shame of being seen naked, even though the rest of my body eventually caught up.

I know this also has been a big factor in periodically searching out gay porn sites where many of the models pictured are above average in size. I could reassure myself that I was not the only one and that gave me a sense of “normalcy” in spite of a very abnormal situation. Even better, I could see that these guys were admired, envied and idolized instead of being subject to the humiliation I experienced. Maybe an attempt on my part to re-write history by identifying with them instead of being my uncomfortable self?

I know that some of the CSA events in my life would have happened anyway because they were based on opportunity and I just happened to be the available boy body that was present and vulnerable. But numerous others seemed to happen BECAUSE I was such a novelty and physical prodigy.

Any studies or articles that you all know of on this topic?

Lee

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#379344 - 12/13/11 08:49 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
Avery46 Offline


Registered: 09/23/10
Posts: 1243
Loc: USA
traveler,

I am NOT sure about "studies" in this topic. I felt like a freak as I was an early bloomer.

My size was an attraction for my abusers.

Avery

_________________________
aka DJsport

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#379364 - 12/13/11 11:06 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: Avery46]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3641
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Thanks, Avery, for responding. Helps a little to know I'm not the only one. Still lots of pain attached to the issue, tho...

traveler/Lee

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#379367 - 12/13/11 11:13 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
We had a thread a few months ago on development as it related to abuse issues. Here is a link to the thread:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=358928

Puffer





Edited by pufferfish (12/13/11 11:18 PM)

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#379376 - 12/14/11 12:02 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: pufferfish]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3641
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Thanks, Puffer, for the link. Lots on here I haven't discovered yet. Reading that was helpful - just knowing reasons - understanding the whole context, i guess. Still would like to know more...
Lee

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#379423 - 12/14/11 10:19 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Lee- same for me. Six feet tall at eleven years old. A "freak" above and below the belt.

The truth of the matter, I believe today (or want to), is that the other boys were jealous and we know how children's jealousy can be translated to malicious cruelty. Their problem became my problem, and I carry it to this day.

Spot on with the porn thing too. Adult porn stars/models are NOT AVERAGE MEN. I think we all know this in our hearts and minds when we have sane moments, but when we "go there" - all bets are off.

Best-
K.-


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#379482 - 12/14/11 07:54 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: ksequoia]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3641
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Thanks, K, for weighing in. I know that much of the stuff that happened to me at school - bullying and beyond - was originally motivated by curiosity and possibly/probably envy. These were my peers as well as older guys. But at some point it escalated from just looking and comparing to mob mentality and gang-bang type attitude. The ironic thing is that these were the "macho" guys and jocks doing perverted stuff. But I was the one that got the bad rep as a "fag", while they were just "being boys" and had their masculinity unblemished. Don't understand that - maybe cuz they were the aggressors and I was the passive one? Definitely part of the equation was that they could get me aroused against my will - that's still a huge source of inner conflict.

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#379820 - 12/17/11 08:00 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
ksequoia Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/16/11
Posts: 92
Loc: NYC
Hi Traveler:

I think I posted about the incident when I (the fag) was taken into the woods by the "macho" mob, had my jeans yanked down and my behind branded with a red hot beer can, which had been roasting in a campfire just for this purpose. The leader of the pack was instructing "Blow me - or else...."

I took the branding as my option and then ran like hell.

This memory still haunts me. Were they just "being boys?"

Now I wanna go puke.

k.-


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#380102 - 12/19/11 11:08 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: ksequoia]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6764
Loc: FEMA Region 1
I've studied it. As for the question "does csa cause early or late onset of puberty?" It seems more that early is the mode, but through conversations with many, I've found very late onset to be very common among survivors. For me, it was 15.5. The absolute last in my class of 350, as pointed out by the oh-so understanding others in gym showers, etc.

_________________________
PEDOPHILES: Providing heating fuel for Hell for centuries...
and I'll be happy to fill the order!

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#380773 - 12/26/11 09:00 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: Still]
dinger57 Offline


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 3
Loc: PA (Near Harrisburg)
I was a early bloomer and I made sure others seen me down their. Mostly when I took showers after gym class. It was such a turn on. I had hair before must of did.


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#380833 - 12/27/11 01:16 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: Still]
westchesterguy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 11/13/09
Posts: 421
Loc: Westchester County NY
Originally Posted By: Robbie Brown
....I've found very late onset to be very common among survivors.....


doubt i'll ever know the truth in my case. was on the verge of puberty at time of rape. all i know afterwards was that puberty seemed to last a long time - about seven years. even my body didn't mature and i didn't have to shave daily until early 20s. was that prolonged period the result of body/emotional/mental trauma...or was it just the path my genes were suppose to take?

what angers me more, to be honest, is that we all are asking these questions. a rational, sane, humane society (which we do not have) would openly discuss male sexuality from early age....and thus not only lift the veil of secrecy that clearly plagued our lives, but never leave boys and men feeling weird for simply wanting to know about our own bodies.

_________________________
Jeff

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#380995 - 12/29/11 09:50 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: westchesterguy]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
It seems evident that CSA (child sexual abuse) messes with our endocrine system. In most cases there seems to be a slowing of production of HGH (human growth hormone), the master-hormone of our body. The effect is that we mature later. It may be that in some cases this causes us to retain some childish features. It might even be that our body size is somewhat smaller than it would have been otherwise. This is hard to determine for sure since lots of CSA survivors also had incomplete nutrition as boys.

For "early bloomers", there must have been a different or additional causation. In cases where CSA seems to have caused in increase in rate of reaching puberty, there must have been an increase in production of male hormone, testosterone. Apparently, early sexual activity can in some cases cause premature stimulation of production of testosterone by the male reproductive glands.

Since testosterone is also made in other places in the body there must be another link. In other words, I don't know whether this (premature onset of puberty) was a direct effect or whether it was mediated through a mess-up of the pituitary gland (adenohypophysis).

The explanation may be that in the case of early CSA the HGH is inhibited and there is a delay in growth and puberty. Without early CSA but when CSA occurs close to puberty the result is the "early bloomer" effect.

I don't think this is in any of the medical literature.

Puffer





Edited by pufferfish (12/29/11 10:01 PM)

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#381063 - 12/30/11 09:18 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: pufferfish]
TJ jeff Offline
Moderator
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/07/04
Posts: 3410
Loc: Northern Wisconsin
interesting thoughts Puffer - I know I was able to ejaculate before the age of 9 - yet I hardly had any hair down there till I was well into high school - it makes me wonder if there really is something in the abuse that caused those 2 seemingly opposite puberty related traits to happen in me

_________________________
Who will cry for the little boy? - I will... - Antwone Fisher

Abuse happens in silence/isolation - Recovery happens only when that silence/isolation is broken...

TJ's History

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#382093 - 01/11/12 01:30 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: TJ jeff]
pufferfish Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/26/08
Posts: 6875
Loc: USA
OK

I've found documentation of the idea of CSA affecting growth, maturation and onset of puberty.

Originally Posted By: Psychological Trauma And the Developing Brain, page 109

Abuse and neglect also influence growth-related hormones and possibly sex hormones. For example, in cases of severe neglect, puberty is often delayed, and physical growth is stunted......


The book cited is:

Psychological Trauma And the Developing Brain, by Phyllis T. Stien and Joshua Kendall. 2004.

http://www.amazon.com/Psychological-Trauma-Developing-Brain-Neurologically/dp/0789017881/

Puffer


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#382096 - 01/11/12 01:56 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: TJ jeff]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
I experienced this same thing on my 11th birthday in fact but was not developed any other way until high school

Originally Posted By: TJ jeff
interesting thoughts Puffer - I know I was able to ejaculate before the age of 9 - yet I hardly had any hair down there till I was well into high school - it makes me wonder if there really is something in the abuse that caused those 2 seemingly opposite puberty related traits to happen in me


_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#382130 - 01/11/12 09:08 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: F.A.]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3641
Loc: somewhere in Africa
Don't know whether one is worse than the other to live with... I envied those who were less developed. I even trimmed my pubes to look less mature. And this was way before it was the cool thing to do. That just drew more focus to that area. Either way - early or late - we draw attention to ourselves by standing out from the crowd. Either way, we attract unwanted attention. Either way, we feel like freaks.

Lee

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#382177 - 01/12/12 10:41 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
I also found I had envied boys who were developed on the outside while I was developed early on the inside. I always thought I didn't measure up to them but found out years later it was a self image problem I was normal. I started to trim and shave also way back before anyone did it.

_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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#382223 - 01/12/12 07:38 PM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: F.A.]
traveler Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/07/06
Posts: 3641
Loc: somewhere in Africa
One thought leads to another - I think this is related: My trimming was an attempt to look younger or less mature or developed than I was. I thought it would deflect the interest of my peers. Makes me wonder if the current trend in favor of shaving is an effort to appeal to older pedophiles by making guys look pre-pubescent and under-age and therefore more attractive to that variety of pervert?

_________________________
"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself... And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." - Paulo Coelho


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#382258 - 01/13/12 09:27 AM Re: "early bloomer" & CSA [Re: traveler]
F.A. Offline


Registered: 09/02/11
Posts: 229
Loc: United States
My trimming was an attempt to seem larger and more physically mature as I always had an unrealistic body image. It is only recently that I do see my body and even my face in the correct timeline the present not the time line of the abuse.

I wanted to draw attention to me not defect it, I was that conditioned as to what my only self worth was.

I was shocked over ten years ago to learn that as young as JR high boys started to fully shave their bodies and no one can explain where this started or how.

I am sure in the adult industry if is done to satisfy some fetishes or preferences for people. I have heard the large majority of women prefer trimmed or shaven body and then you have the perp of CSA who will look for the youngest possible looking porn actors.


Originally Posted By: traveler
One thought leads to another - I think this is related: My trimming was an attempt to look younger or less mature or developed than I was. I thought it would deflect the interest of my peers. Makes me wonder if the current trend in favor of shaving is an effort to appeal to older pedophiles by making guys look pre-pubescent and under-age and therefore more attractive to that variety of pervert?


_________________________
F.A.

To be sick is to be fragmented. To be healed is to become whole, and to become whole one must be in harmony with family, friends, and nature" -Navajo-
Blog: http://csafresno.blogspot.com
Facebook: http://tinyurl.com/CSAFresno
My Story: http://tinyurl.com/78upvvu

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