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#365808 - 07/11/11 06:12 PM Deleted [Re: prisonerID]
Juan Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 20
Deleted



Edited by Juan (01/05/12 09:03 AM)

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#365809 - 07/11/11 06:14 PM Deleted [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
Juan Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 20
Deleted



Edited by Juan (01/05/12 09:03 AM)

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#365810 - 07/11/11 06:28 PM Deleted [Re: philistine]
Juan Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 20
Deleted



Edited by Juan (01/05/12 09:02 AM)

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#365811 - 07/11/11 06:32 PM Re: Deleted [Re: 1lifenow]
Juan Offline


Registered: 11/04/10
Posts: 20
Deleted



Edited by Juan (01/05/12 09:01 AM)

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#365853 - 07/12/11 10:03 AM Re: Gay who does not want to have sex [Re: Juan]
EdfromNYC Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/18/10
Posts: 233
Loc: New York City
I appreciate your experience, too. For a long time, I had to be "right" and its because I was so afraid of being wrong. I've had doubts and here and there I still find pockets of questions but I'm on the right path for me.

We all have sex problems as abuse survivors. I'm finding that its important to me to support other men in their recovery from their abuse regardless of our similar/dissimilar orientation issues.

No one on our earth has the answer to the questions surrounding orientation. Its up to me to find my peace with having unanswered questions.

_________________________
And more, much more, the heart may feel,
Than the pen may write or the lip reveal.
Winthrop Mackworth Praed

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#365858 - 07/12/11 12:00 PM Re: Gay who does not want to have sex [Re: Juan]
1lifenow Offline


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 408
Loc: west coast
Thank you for your honesty and sharing juan. I understand what you are saying about finding someone compatible, but things are so much easier these days.

A Note For Survivors Reading This
Place the care of you, the adult survivor, firmly into your own hands. You take control. You set the pace. LET YOURSELF MAKE MISTAKES. You are learning and it takes time.

Thats the part from the post in friends and families (why cant i take control of my life) that truly helped free me. We are entitled to make mistakes. As we set up boundaries that work for us, i think its important if we meet someone we care about that we can understand that there is mutual respect. So we dont have to be entrenched in one way of expressing our sexuality, as ed says we all have problems, or are certainly more likely to. Most paraphilias arise from early exposure and imprinting, and many who have them have been abused.

I know i struggleD with the identity issue for a long time, and it now has been so freeing to embrace who i am without reservation. I think you are asking if it is ok to embrace yourself even tho.... We just have to give ourselves permission to be ok with ourselves, whether we have accepted who we are or are still in a state of confusion.

You sound like a really sweet guy, you are going to make someone very happy knowing that you can be happy being yourself.





Edited by 1lifenow (07/12/11 12:01 PM)
_________________________
The need for love lies at the very foundation of human existence. Dalai Lama

WoR Barrie 2011

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#375951 - 11/18/11 08:11 PM Re: Gay who does not want to have sex [Re: 1lifenow]
Michael Murphy Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 03/02/11
Posts: 19
Loc: United States
Thanks for sharing guys, Im kind of in the same boat. I to are gay and have been since I've was 15 years old. I understand for too well. That the closeness is what I have always looked for. I have been married to a survivor of sexual abuse by her father for 16 years and sex isn't a issue. We are the best of friends. I always tell her is she had the pluming of a man , that would be the best but she a woman so I will deal -haha- (its our on going joke with each other.My oldest son learned about stuff in health class and didn't understand what is ment to to gay. I am very open with my sons and explained to my son that Dad, was abused by his grandmother and aunts so I am gay. and always have been. But I love your mother with all my heart, and as long as theres love , sex isn't really that big of a deal- but thats just me. - Guys I to miss the closeness and the freedom to express how I feel with another guy. and have explored that and felt such like crap for betraying my wife, So i did what your not to do. I told her. She is very understanding . I just wanted to share that. Thanks , mike

_________________________
Michael Murphy

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#378930 - 12/10/11 05:54 PM Re: Gay who does not want to have sex [Re: Michael Murphy]
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 56
Loc: PA, USA
I've been gay my whole life. Though I am in a long term relationship, we haven't had sex in over 10 years. I feel guilty, but as my T says, if it were that important to my partner, he would have been gone a long time ago.

I am not comfortable with touch. On the rare occasion we hug or cuddle it is short and I am bursting to be done!

I do think of sex all the time. I enjoy looking at handsome men. But it isn't important enough for me to go through all the work, the calming down, the talking myself down to peruse. I can't even imagine what it would take for me to try. I know I am missing something. It would be great to be hold him in my arms and not be ready to deflect whatever. But I also have a great friend and companion.

I know it sounds kind of bleak. I can see the direct connections between my abuse and my revulsion. But after years in and out of therapy I haven't found the way out. Shit.


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#378947 - 12/10/11 08:16 PM Re: Gay who does not want to have sex [Re: BDD]
limit Offline


Registered: 04/23/11
Posts: 131
.



Edited by limit (12/17/11 05:34 PM)

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#379010 - 12/11/11 01:43 PM Re: Gay who does not want to have sex [Re: limit]
NewSummer Offline


Registered: 09/01/11
Posts: 59
Loc: Surrey BC
Being held and cuddled is a beautiful way to express your love for someone. The more comfortable I become with myself, the more I desire touch. My past was clouded with annonomous sexual encounters where I would flee as soon as possible.. Now, as I mature and feel comfortable within my skin, I desire and dream of finding a partner who I can hold and will hold me back...Yes, I still want sex but more impotantly, I want to find a partner who is happy to hold me and be willing to let me hold him back. I'm glad I am finally at a place where I can be touched, after a lifetime of resisting everything that was not sexually driven..

_________________________
life is what happens while you make other plans- John Lennon

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