I am so glad to hear you say the above. As hard as it might me - "embrace" yourself and your partner. Let him know where you are coming from including that he means the world to you.

Peace,
Avery

As far as my relationship I'm afraid that might have been damaged beyond repair. He's not even accepting my calls right now. I'm going to give him some space and hope he gives me the opportunity to try to fix the problems I've made in our relationship.. right now I'm running on faith and determination.. that's all I have.

The nearest support is closer than you think if you're anywhere near Tulsa or OKC.

I'm about 3 hours from Tulsa and over 4 from okc . either way its impossible for me to drive that far right now.

If at all possible, you might want to move. PM me if you ever do and I'll give you the relevant info.

Also not possible right now. I'm couch surfing between friends houses because my family kicked me out.. things are kinda tough right now but I'm trying to do the best with what I have been delt. I'm gonna have to climb my way out of this hole by myself.. and its still a long way to the top. hopefully the end result will be a stable, safe, secure home.. even if I do end up living alone.

I hope u feel the love and support the guys here feel for you.

And the guys here know some of the worst parts of you that you have shared- many of us have been there and done those things and felt that disparate.

Regardless of friends, famIly. Money home-we can find our true selves and hope and strength when we walk thru this. It is running away that erodes and destroys the things in our life and eventually ourselves.

I hear strength, some fear, and a desire to move forward thru all this. And a strong dose of honesty about where u r now today. Happy Monday- the first day of the rest of your life. We r here for u.

This is definitely the most challenging situation I have been in. But I feel that for whatever reason there is purpose behind what I'm doing and why I've chose to do it now. Maybe its because when I imagine my life another 5 or 10 years down the road right now I don't like what I see. I feel like I've wasted a lot of time when I could have been a stronger, upstanding citizen... a better brother, son, friend, lover, and man. I know I'm not where I want to be in life. And obviously after 13 years this problem isn't going to fix itself. I stand firm when I've said I might be broken and beaten but I'm sure as hell not defeated! That you for all the support and encouraging words. you have no idea how helpful you have been!

Just an update... my partner finally called me. I haven't yet told him about the abuse but I plan on it when I see him next.