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#378987 - 12/11/11 08:24 AM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: AdamJae]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Have you read the resources here about disclosing our stories to others?

There are supportive people who understand and want to help-especially other survivors and safe friends.

There are also people who we need guidance and direction if we are going to share our stories. We need to check out motives about sharing so we don't get hurt or have unreasonable expectations of how others will respond to our stories.

Having a good T is The first step in learning to process and talk about the abuse.
There are good books and articles listed here at MS to inform us about sharing our stories in healthy and productive ways.

Take a look at the resources page on this website and let me know what you have found.

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#378992 - 12/11/11 09:33 AM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
AdamJae Offline


Registered: 12/07/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Oklahoma
Unfortunately I can't afford a T and I live in a very small rural community so the idea of finding a T or even support group around here is almost laughable. this is why I came to the site looking for an alternate outlet to get some of my emotions out.

_________________________
Sail

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#378999 - 12/11/11 10:16 AM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
Here is one article on MS about sharing our stories:

http://www.malesurvivor.org/ArchivedPages/singer3.html

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#379002 - 12/11/11 10:37 AM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
AdamJae Offline


Registered: 12/07/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Oklahoma
I see... well after reading that I'm not sure what to do. I needed to get it out but I'm just not ready to talk about it with my partner, family, or close friends. I'm worried that because of my bad behavior in recent years that they will see it as me trying to get attention or sympathy to lessen the seriousness of my poor choices and bad behavior. I'm just so very confused.. what if I'm going about this the wrong way? Maybe for me its just best to know that I finally told someone and I'm validated... or maybe this is just a crossroads and I need to make some serious life changing moves.. I knew it would be hard if I ever told, but I didn't know it would stir up a plethora of other emotions. I feel broken, exposed,used, dirty, and even a little desperate.

_________________________
Sail

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#379012 - 12/11/11 02:31 PM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: AdamJae]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
This is a safe place to let all that stuff out.

That is the first major step towards dealing with it and building a good life.

For me, the Csa explained some of origins and energy behind a lot of my previous behaviors- and I also had been getting help for some of those specific things-depression, binge drinking, acting out sexually, fear of bosses, etc.

You are learning to see yourself and your past more clearly and hopefully more compassionately - I hope u can develop a network of supportive, nonjudgemental and also safe men, like those here online, to help u navigate your recovery in the weeks and months ahead.

I think u are already digesting some of the feelings and your past-AND understanding that those dont lock you into a future tied to those things-we CAN walk thru this day by day and, as u say "get a little bit stronger."

Take a huge nap today!!! B good to yourself!

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#379042 - 12/11/11 08:21 PM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
AdamJae Offline


Registered: 12/07/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Oklahoma
See that's problematic because I love being around men.. all types.. and no I'm not always sexually attracted to them. but the deal is I fall for whatever any of them say. I trust them too much and always end up getting my feelings hurt and then acting out on my pain.. I guess I need to work on being a better judge of character.

_________________________
Sail

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#379048 - 12/11/11 08:41 PM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
SamV Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/13/09
Posts: 5942
Loc: Talladega, Alabama, USA
AdamJae,

Yes, get it OUT! Consider the Healing Groups here in MaleSurvivor, the Healing Circles and the Round Table Mondays, Wednesdays and Sundays.
http://www.malesurvivor.org/board/ubbthr...true#Post375754 This is a private, male survivors only group that is facilitated in a private area of the chat.

You can click on my The Round Table link under my post to get more information about how the meeting is conducted. This has been a source of much healing and comfort to me.

Heal well,
Sam

_________________________
MaleSurvivor Moderator Emeritus 2012 - 2014

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#379050 - 12/11/11 08:59 PM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: SamV]
Mountainous Buck Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/15/09
Posts: 1626
Loc: Minnesota
I think you are discovering you have a better judge, a better advocate, a stronger man inside waking up to what is possible for you. Trust that gut instinct to guide and nurture you moving forward, ok?

_________________________
We have to take responsibility for what we're not responsible for.

的t doesn't matter where you've come from,
It matters where you go" Frank Turner

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#379054 - 12/11/11 09:16 PM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: Mountainous Buck]
Fissy Tsickens Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 09/23/08
Posts: 466
Loc: Bassett, Virginia
Hi, AdamJae.

Regarding how to "fix" your situation with your partner, if it were me (and it's not, so if you don't think it would work in your situation, just disregard), I would go to him and apologize for how I'd been acting, explain that your dealing with some difficult issues, but you want to be there for him as he faces this health crisis. Tell him you love him and want to support him in any way he needs you to. Then I'd give him a hug and a little time to think about it, and see how he responds so you have some idea of how to procede.

Hang in there, buddy.

Peace,

John

_________________________
Wish that I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I値l never see

It may sound absurd...but don稚 be naive
Even heroes have the right to bleed
I may be disturbed...but won稚 you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It痴 not easy to be me

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#379058 - 12/11/11 09:33 PM Re: I've really screwed up.. [Re: Fissy Tsickens]
AdamJae Offline


Registered: 12/07/11
Posts: 42
Loc: Oklahoma
I've considered the group chats but unfortunately I get on MS on mobile for discretionary purposes so I can't participate. I looked into a support group here but the closest one is over 4 hours from here so that's not an option right now either. So for now I will just have to find what support I can here and do my best to keep pushing forward. I've opened these wounds and now I will see to it they heal properly. I've never been quitter or have ever backed down from a challenge. And this, dear gentlemen, is the challenge of my lifetime. And I'm going to hit it head on with all the steam I can possibly muster.. I'm broken and beaten but not yet defeated!

_________________________
Sail

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