To make this as short as I possibly can I'll cut to the chase.. I've just recently come to accept the fact that I was abused by a cousin from the age of about 6 to 13. Due to all the emotions and stress its brought up I have been hyper emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat. I haven't told my partner about this due to his own heath reasons and stress in his life. we are both 26 and he has found out that he has a tumor on his heart. He has been trying to deal with my emotional roller coaster.. tonight as I was falling apart yet again I told him that if he wasn't sure of our future I'd give him a "free out" that was about the time my phone lost service and I haven't heard from him since. I want to explain my behavior but I don't want to add more burden to his life... any suggestions?? I really need help!

(((((AdamJae)))))

If you love your partner, and he loves you, then no one needs to give the other an out. People who love each other stick together and support each other. Three years ago my wife found out that I had met another guy for sex, and she's stuck with me as I've started to address my abuse, SSA, sex addiction and PTSD. She didn't have to; she chose to. I'm very fortunate to have someone who loves me in spite of my faults. So are you. Don't push him away - pull him close, accept his love and support, and give him the love and support he needs as he faces his health crisis. Best of luck to you both.

Peace,

John

Thanks John.. I do love him. Very much. I've never pictured myself with anyone but him since the day I met him. And I know I have been pushing him away for the last few weeks. I'm not even sure why I told him he had a free out. And right now I have to deal with the fact I really might lose him because of my actions. And I don't know what to do..

AJ: don't dive into booze-it will make things worse for you tonight in this state: connect with others in recovery, ok?

I'm not sure how to connect to others in recovery.. I'll do my best not to drink tonight. its just being alone right now in a friends house while she works, thinking about the abuse and the damage I'm doing to my relationships is really taking its toll. I've never been really good with being alone anyway. let alone while dealing with intense emotions.. its rough.

I hear you:

It does get better: you CAN get through this

there are a lot of ways to comfort yourself and be safe and build a life that works.

now that you are facing the abuse stuff, it may seem overwhelming-it isn't-but it feels like it sometimes.

the overwhelming is what I felt at the time of the abuse years ago

I forget today that I have a lot more tools, skills, and allies that I did way back then.

If its possible watch some movie that is inspiring. It will lift your mood and get you through the night.

Thanks to you both for your encouraging words. and please forgive me if I seem a little bit of a frazzled mess. I guess I didn't expect such a flood of so many emotions to just rush out like that and I got overwhelmed for a bit. I think I'm ok now as far as the fact I have exposed a part of my life I always thought I would keep a secret. The hard part will be making myself face it and get back on tomorrow to try to continue on this road to recovery and peace..

the truth will set you free:

just be careful how and where you share it: MS is a safe understanding place to share.

What do you mean be careful how and where I share it?