All I can say this is not something new and unfortunately only comes out once we the kids grow up and spill the beans or rather our horrors. The general unabused public cannot imagine a world where their idols, mentors and god like beings are the perpetrators of such horrors on simple, innocent boys like us. The general public is stunned when a 10 year olds boy was nailed in the shower of the great PSU. But we know that this is not an isolated case. we know that where there is smoke there is fire, and that fire rages on.
Being prostituted in Manhattan NYC at the age of 13 in '64, I look at the current happenings as normal life among the well connected and blessed with the good life. I did not work the streets like some of my friends did as cars passed by slowly to look the kids over as if they were only Macy's window shopping. But rather my pimp catered to a different world as I was delivered like a Domino's pizza to who people came from a life of money, power and make believe.
Me and my friend who was 2 years younger than me were rented out to these people for the night, for a weekend or if they were just having a party. We were rented out for photo shoots and to make movies. I do not know who I was rented to but these people were not, who the general public think of as, the much stereotyped drunken abuser who beat or raped their own kids or the guy in the trench coat lurking in the shadows, these were high class people who raped, beat and used other's kids. These were not the people who killed kids but rather just destroyed their lives and futures and discarded them when they wanted to move onto someone new.
This was a world where I was afraid to go outside alone for fear of disappearing at the hands of another pimp. My pimp was my protector, my lover, my surrogate father and my world. That world I can only imagine was a world for the elite and the type people we always looked up to.
So when we the survivors who lived through the most horrible of abuses we can imagine, why are we so surprised when a scandal like PSU, Syracuse, and now the Hollywood happen to hit the papers. Hollywood was in the news with Roman Polanski who was a very big time director in the '60s when I was 13 years old. He was arrested in '77 for the sexual assault of 13-year-old Samantha Geimer during a photo shoot for French Vogue magazine. This was one of the gods of Hollywood at that time. If you had the money and the power you were able and, unfortunately, still able to bury and or discredit the evidence and victim. And because of their money or power they will never be brought to justice. We only see on the TV news or in the newspapers the crazies. This is what the public think of when they think CSA, They don't think of the industries that make us laugh and cry. No I was never in Hollywood but from what I remember the type of business I was part of was a money making, high class and a drug fueled world that exists anywhere there is money and the elite.
We who have seen so much smoke and the fire that creates it we should not be surprised at all. I have to say that I was surprised when I came here to MS only this past June after 40 years of hiding my past that I had no idea how bad and how many kids came from f**ked up homes where parents beat and molested them. I thought that I came from the sewers. But I see now that I came from a world that was only the tip of the iceberg. I only saw my world and the crazies on TV. I'm sorry I didn't even imagine what so many of you went through - the hell, the horrors. I now see that the sewers run through every corner of society. The only difference are the names of the communities. The types of horrors changed very little over time. And we here are the survivors. We're banged up (no pun intended) but we all survived.
Sorry, but this finally got to me and I had to vent a little.
Forgiveness is giving up on the hope that what the past was could have been any different or better.
It's accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.
It will get better....