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#378271 - 12/05/11 01:39 PM why
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
I'm so tired of kicking myself, but I did it again. Trusted a therapist & got burned. After four flippin' years no less. SIGH. And here I am, right back where I was. Or less. feels like less.
Seriously starting to doubt my ability to keep myself in the recovery zone. Was being a victim that much different than where I am now? Or maybe that's it. I'm still a victim.

WHY do I do this? Will I EVER learn???


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#378274 - 12/05/11 02:23 PM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
Still Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 02/16/07
Posts: 6375
Loc: 2.5 NATO Nations
Mark. This sound really really bad. Im not sure what happened, but it sounds like the money line here is:

Trusted a T and got burned. THAT is ultra discouraging.

A lot of us trust and forgive and trust and get burned and trust...
I know I do.

Lemme ask you this...was this a BETRAYAL on the part of the T?

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#378279 - 12/05/11 02:56 PM Re: why [Re: Still]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
"betrayal" ... in the purely technical/legal realm, no - I can't say so. Does it feel like betrayal? Absolutely. Let's see if I can make this any less muddy........

I was in session with him, worse day than normal - maybe the time of year, dunno-but anyhoo, I made a statement about sometimes feeling I was going crazy and wanted to just go screaming at people (family mostly) that I'm who I am and if they don't like it, tough and if I say I was abused it's cuz I WAS ABUSED, yadda yadda yadda .. anyhoo - he started to say "I dare you..." I dunno if he was going to say more or not because at that point I lost it. Stood up, threw the money in his face, and left. Bout an hour later he called my cell phone to "see if I was alright". I told him to go pound sand. He said if he didn't think I was "ok" he would have to call the authorities. Then I really lost it. I had promised never to do anything stupid without calling him. Not good enough - he had to know I was ok. I hung up on him.
The rest of the night went without too much trouble (other than I couldn't sleep - duh). BUT - at my next session he told me he HAD called the cops on me. Guess he forgot I had recently moved so they didn't get the right address for me - or they didn't believe him - but it was the fact that he tried to have me locked up.. So did he "betray" me? I feel he did. But ... I dunno. I'm so stupid anymore I wouldn't bet that I understand any of it right.
frown


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#378282 - 12/05/11 03:28 PM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
petercorbett Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 07/27/08
Posts: 2433
Loc: TEXAS
My, fraternal brother, MarkK.

A hard call to make if your T had betrayed you or not.

He called you to see if you were all right, and if he felt that you were not in a "proper" frame of mind then he did call the cops on you.

In MY OPINION, I think that he was really worried that you were very capable (in your frame of mind) of wanting to harm yourself. As such to have you "locked up."
I think that we all sort of promise our T that we wouldn't do anything stupid (harm ourselves) without calling them for help first.

But, it is your decision as to his motives. I just think that he was truly worried about you.

You are far from being stupid. You are in healing with all the pain & confusion associated with it.

My OPINION, I do not think that he had betrayed you. If he did nothing in trying to "save" you, then I would call that betrayal.

Wishing you well in healing, my fraternal brother, MarkK.

"I will take that lost boys hand, and I will lead him from the depths of darkness, into the sunshine, forever into eternity." As he is me.

Pete..Irishmoose.

_________________________
Working Boys' Home 10-14 yrs old, grades 5-8. 1949-1953
____________________________________________________________
A very humble alumni of the WOR Dahlonega, GA.
May 15-17 2009, Alta, Sep. 2009. Sequoia, 2010.
Hope Springs, 2010.


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#378286 - 12/05/11 03:35 PM Re: why [Re: petercorbett]
Magellan Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 12/31/10
Posts: 1390
Loc: California
Wow what a hard situation to go through!

Something that is helping me immensely when I am concerned over someone elses' behavior with me, is I'm learning to take a second to ask myself the question "Did they mean well when they did this? Or did they mean to hurt me?"

If they meant well, then a lot of room is opened up for how I choose to respond. Did they make a mistake or misunderstand? Did I make a mistake or misunderstand their action? Lots and lots of room for thought, as opposed to reacting and just assuming they betrayed me.

I hope you work your way through this. I'm inclined to believe that your therapist was doing what he thought was the best thing to do with the information he thought he had.

D

_________________________
It's a heroes journey, and you are the hero.

Loving Kindness Meditation will dramatically improve your spirits; give it a try for just 3 days: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sz7cpV7ERsM

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#378291 - 12/05/11 03:52 PM Re: why [Re: Magellan]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
So I email him and let him know I need time off. Just chill on the whole "recovery" bit for a while. He writes me back - including a form letter terminating our therapist/client relationship.

I ask for time off, he pulls the plug.

Somehow I don't see him all that interested in if I'm "ok" or in doing what's the "best thing".

And if after four years he can't trust me when I say I'll call before I do something stupid - then I've wasted my time.


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#378294 - 12/05/11 04:05 PM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
BDD Offline


Registered: 01/27/11
Posts: 55
Loc: PA, USA
Mark,
Just as I started my response you posted, but I'm still going to write it.

I've fired my T at least 3 times. Each time it was because of how I interrupted what he was saying. If he had said to me "I dare you" I'm sure I would have finished his sentence in my head "I dare you because you won't because you are so___________" fill in the blank.

There is no way for me to know what your T meant. Yes, he may have been being a real jerk, or he may have been trying to nudge you in to an un-characteristic action.

But really all that matters now is that you take care of yourself. Can you stay connected here while you work this through?


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#378298 - 12/05/11 04:45 PM Re: why [Re: BDD]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
well, as I see it - I didn't fire him, he quit me. He did nothing until I emailed and asked for time off - then he sent his goodbye form letter.
Though maybe I should have just fired him from the point where he came up with "I dare you". That alone proves he didn't know me at all, even after four years frown
As for staying connected here while I work this out... I don't see I have much choice. If I'm not connected somewhere, I have no chance.


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#378411 - 12/06/11 09:15 AM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
MarkK Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 04/02/07
Posts: 2502
Loc: Denver, CO
so I get an email from him. Is it 'ok' for my ex-therapist to contact me after sending me the quit form letter??? Anyhoo - I told him to go away ... I just didn't say it so nicely.
should I regret that action too?


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#378434 - 12/06/11 11:57 AM Re: why [Re: MarkK]
JaapVisser Offline
Member
MaleSurvivor

Registered: 08/31/11
Posts: 57
Loc: The Netherlands
Ouch...nasty situation. Sounds maybe obvious, but maybe try to make an appointment to visit him. Often things are not well disclosed on the phone or via mail (I am quite horrible at that), but maybe it helps to talk face to face. Often that makes a conversation easier since it are not just words, but the whole package that comes with a conversation. Maybe even if it was just to disclose everything and if the therapy ends with him then at least you tried to make the ending somehow acceptable?

Just a thought.

Good luck!




Edited by JaapVisser (12/06/11 11:58 AM)
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