It is important that you know, you are among fellow survivors. In welcoming you to this healing group, I feel your frustration as you try to connect with those you love. Yes, isolation and relationship sabotage are common in male survivors. The first time we disclose, we are ready to be rejected and destroyed. There is a wonderful article click here
about what disclosure can mean to a survivor and when he might be ready to undergo such a situation.
Through recovery a survivor will learn that the events in the past are just that, in the past. We do not need to argue about the past, just disclose it and let those who will, support you, and those who will not, let them be. You have chosen this route, and this is beneficial to you.
Your daughter, the one you wish to be close to, especially for the grandkids, may be tumultuous due to the relationship with your ex-wife. However, this statement "I now find myself being distant", tells much about how you feel in assessing the feasibility of connecting with your daughter and grandchild. I too have distanced myself from family when their reaction was less than supportive. Did they know? Yep, did they come to support and encourage recovery? Nope, so be it. I moved 900 miles away, did not leave a forwarding address and changed my phone number. I did however leave my son, 18, in that state 900 miles away. So I text him tidbits of news and stuff I find, and I call him to remind him that I love him, and I listen as he twists his way through working and living with relatives. He and I have a bi monthly conversation.
You and your daughter, what kind of relationship is there currently? Can you build on common ground? Is there taboo topics to stay away from? If it is the abuse feelings of distrust, these need to be recovered through a healing process. We may expect those around us to hurt us, or not protect us, and then we go about testing them, and when they fail, it reinforces our perspective that they are minimally negligent and possibly abusers. It can be a hyper vigilant delusion, one that needs to be brought out, and mature realization be directed at it, so that you can feel the healing peace that leads to being comfortable around those you wish to connect with.
Good news, recovery is about reconnecting, and you are on that path. I encourage you to keep posting, keep talking, keep searching, keep refreshing yourself, keep breathing and calming you, and keep recovering!