Hello my Brothers, my friends, my family,
It's been a while since I have posted; however, I have spent a lot of time talking in the chatroom being a lounge lizard. Many of you may not know that I am taking a Human Sexuality, Gender, and Society course. This has been very beneficial to me regarding my own life.
Thursday, we were talking about Male Survivors. All of you know about that. Well, I had not disclosed to this particular group that I was a Male Survivor. On other issues that we explored and discussed, I had generally and a round about way talked about the experiences that I know many of us face in our lives.
Thursday is the day that I changed that. My class has maybe 15 people (give or take a few). I knew the topic was coming up but debated about whether or not to say anything. I sat down in class and was going to say nothing; however, I decided in a split second to share that yes, I am indeed a Male Survivor of CSA.
The looks of my fellow classmates were one of stun and awe. I had written about my experience in my Midterm for the class so the instructor had some warning. I felt that everyone was confused. How can a normal looking and acting person be abused in such a way? They had read about it... but now, they knew someone personally who was a Survivor. I made a point to say that you would never guess that this would be the case unless I said something about it (and something I did say).
It took a little bit for the room to recover, but I broke the stigma perhaps for two or three people that day. Those are the people who asked very thoughtful questions on the fly. I even had a couple of people thank me for sharing. I think in some eyes I have a new sense of respect. My only regret I guess is that I didn't speak sooner.
It was a couple of hours later that it hit me. @!*? What did I do? But then I realized that there was no way of undoing what I did and it was beneficial to me and others. I was feeling very vulnerable at that point; however, I went to my social work class and got my mind off of things.
I spoke. I know I have spoken in a church setting about what occurred and the difficulties, but this was with my peers, my future colleagues, and my friends. It is possibly the hardest thing I have had to do all year. I feel much better about it because I didn't have any snide comments about it not happening or anything like that. In this class, they don't blame the victim.
But I just wanted to share this with you all. I know that sharing this might help someone else, and I desire that to be the case cause you are all my Brothers.
Heal well with much love,